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Allowed to feel down, right?

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Hi everyone,

I recently got diagnosed, saw little something on saturday night, went doc on monday, diagnosed, on valtrex, getting sorted. But it is hard to come to terms with it, im trying not to be too hard on myself because I try to think of what I would think and say to a friend if they told me they had herpes....so im battling now just trying not to get too down about it all which is hard when dealing with first outbreak and all the symtoms that come with it...Im exhausted and achey and my leg hurts too, not to mention the little voice in my head that says all the things that i dont want to hear and deep down i know these things aren't true but still the little voice speaks up now and again. So i told my ex boyf and he was super cool about it because he is a super cool guy...the only thing was he wasnt letting me feel down, he was saying 'just get on with it, are you still going on about it kinda thing...'...im trying not to be selfish but sometimes its nice to just be allowed to feel down about it and just have someone make you a cup of tea am i right? I think he thinks im just being pessimistic and i understand he just doesn't think its a big deal....but it is a massive change in my life.

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Of course you're allowed to feel down! Just don't stay down there! I always like to look at it like this: we are all allowed to feel whatever we want to feel...it's the actions based on those emotions that we must pay attention to. So you feel down...understandable! Are you going to allow yourself to wallow in self pity and become a hermit for the rest of your life? You better not :)


Have a good long cry. Take a hot bath. Drink some wine (if you're of age!) and watch a couple romantic comedies and eat some Ben and Jerry's...whatever it is you do when you're down go ahead and do it. But don't think the road stops there because it doesn't.

This is going to take a while and what your ex doesn't understand he never will unless he's put in your shoes. You're faced with a social stigma that many people endure secretly....we keep it secret because of how the majority of society looks at herpes. You're probably going through all the herpes jokes you've made or laughed at and cringing wishing you could take all those moments back. You're thinking about how many times you've heard the word herpes and though "slut", "whore", etc and now have look in the mirror. Well we are all wrong from time to time and when it comes to herpes I'm pretty sure we've all cracked a joke or two in our pre H days...I know I did. And it's the realization of the ignorance that is so hard to come to terms with. I remember the hardest part for me to overcome was knowing that what I know now is truth...and everything I knew before was all ignorant bullshit. I never talked to a doctor about herpes before...why should I? And all I knew about it was what they taught us in health class in high school which was just "use condoms and don't get an STD" WOW whole lot of information there. I "learned" about herpes from TV shows and the like...I knew it was something I didn't want and gross people had it.


Well...wait a minute here...I have herpes...and I'm not gross! I'm not dirty...I shower every day thank you very much! And I am not a whore...I prefer to be in monogamous relationships and I have been on the look out for a long term partner for quite some time. It just so happens that somewhere along my journey someone that I chose to trust either didn't trust me enough to disclose or didn't know that they had herpes so here I am on this forum today herpes positive and proud.


It's hard to see right now because you're in the moment so much that it's all you're going to see and that's okay...it's natural...it's all part of the process...but don't stop loving yourself because you are worth being loved :)


And while this is a life change...it's not a big one...it seems like it now but trust me when I say that once you get used to your body again things are going to even out.


Take your time :) I hope that helped...I ramble so much in these things!!!!

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Hi IrishGirl and welcome to our sweet lil community this side of H-ville! ;)


Ah, OPM said it so well! (I love that you're with us, OPM. Your outlook and the way you express yourself is so authentic and awesome! Your energy is so welcome here.) :)


You get to feel however you want to feel. Feeling sad is just as available to you as feeling happy. Just notice how your thoughts and perspectives on your life are contributing to your feelings. Recognize how in the drivers seat you are in your life and how you feel about it. Yes, life will throw us some curve balls every now and again, for sure. But it's how we respond to those curve balls that make us who we are.


When you're sad, get curious about why you're sad. What has you feeling sad? Is it the thoughts you're thinking? Is it the beliefs that you're holding about how you *should* feel based on your life circumstances? I believe our default nature is to be blissed out and happy. When we're sad or feel like something is off, that's simply trying to tell us something. It's a sign post showing us how we might be disconnected from ourselves and our true nature. Think about it this way: Do babies get depressed? Funny to consider a depressed baby, right? Because it doesn't happen! It's an impossibility! Babies are naturally bubbly and laughing, or just in awe of the world around them. When they cry, it means there's shit in their diaper or they're hungry. That's just about it. ;) Babies don't have a concept of how the world *should* be or how they *should* feel. They simply feel happy and content by default without anyone telling them so.


And by the way, being selfish isn't a bad thing. Taking care of yourself when you're feeling down isn't bad. It's actually super healthy. Take care of yourself when you need it and use that feeling as a nudge toward more happiness and gratitude for your happy life.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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