How can i minimize transmission if i'm asymptomatic

[jswiz84]

Hello all,

 

i contract HSV2 in april of 2020 (at least thats why i had my first OB). i've never had an OB since then and am asymptomatic. i've met a girl and i gave her the full disclosure before any intimacy and she was cool with it. she also said, "i don't know much about this but i trust you." i explained everything i know and chances etc...but i still can't get over the possibility of spreading it to her and putting her in the position i was of getting those results and the mental pain. lets assume this is not going to be a long term relationship. we obviously would prefer sex without a condom.

even though i am asymptomatic (reduced shedding), and am taking Valtrex, and am taking L-lysine and Synergy's cocktail (hoax or not we'll find out). am i right to be paranoid? am I over thinking it? has anyone transmitted to their partner while asymptomatic and on daily valtrex? this is my first partner since contracting. my AB numbers went from 3.98 at first contraction to 1.99 as of a few months ago. 

 

thanks. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello! 

Good questions. We understand your worry. It's hard to turn off the worry radar. You are not alone. Let's think about worrying in four color flags: red, orange, yellow, and green. 

Red flag worrying is when there is immediate danger or a high risk or potential harm. In herpes terms, this could mean having sex with active sores, or having active sores and having your first outbreak and touching the sores and possibly spreading it to yourself since you haven't built antibodies. 

Orange flag worries are less severe, yellow is lower, and green is "low worry (just the normal caution we all take, as sex in general comes with great responsibility, and always some kind of risk, whether pregnancy, STIs, etc)". 

Now, you said you don't want to use condoms, which is risky in general, whether someone has herpes or not. So, that's definitely a worry-increaser. 

Condoms aside, talking just about your precautions you mentioned, you are taking great care, so treat this as a nice happy yellow. You are doing all things within your control, including the unverified Synergy drink (please be careful!! If you notice symptoms or side effects stop using it!!!). Most importantly, you told her you have HSV. Being honest moves everything more towards the low-worry zone, and the emotional safe zone ☺️🌻. I would recommend condoms or she can wear an internal condom, too, to move everything more towards the lowest caution zone ☺️🌻.

So, when your brain starts going into red worry feelings, rationalize and be calm. It will be okay! As long as she understands the risks and such, you're being ethical and kind. 

Don't let worrying get the best of you. Appropriate caution and worry when needed is okay, of course, but obsessive thoughts and fear are so draining. Stay well and be kind to yourself. Focus on the facts and rational truths when worry strikes to evaluate the level of worry and precaution that you should take in regards to a situation. 

I hope this helps! 

Blessings,

Grace

[jswiz84]

15 hours ago, Flowerteacher55 said:

Hello! 

Good questions. We understand your worry. It's hard to turn off the worry radar. You are not alone. Let's think about worrying in four color flags: red, orange, yellow, and green. 

Red flag worrying is when there is immediate danger or a high risk or potential harm. In herpes terms, this could mean having sex with active sores, or having active sores and having your first outbreak and touching the sores and possibly spreading it to yourself since you haven't built antibodies. 

Orange flag worries are less severe, yellow is lower, and green is "low worry (just the normal caution we all take, as sex in general comes with great responsibility, and always some kind of risk, whether pregnancy, STIs, etc)". 

Now, you said you don't want to use condoms, which is risky in general, whether someone has herpes or not. So, that's definitely a worry-increaser. 

Condoms aside, talking just about your precautions you mentioned, you are taking great care, so treat this as a nice happy yellow. You are doing all things within your control, including the unverified Synergy drink (please be careful!! If you notice symptoms or side effects stop using it!!!). Most importantly, you told her you have HSV. Being honest moves everything more towards the low-worry zone, and the emotional safe zone ☺️🌻. I would recommend condoms or she can wear an internal condom, too, to move everything more towards the lowest caution zone ☺️🌻.

So, when your brain starts going into red worry feelings, rationalize and be calm. It will be okay! As long as she understands the risks and such, you're being ethical and kind. 

Don't let worrying get the best of you. Appropriate caution and worry when needed is okay, of course, but obsessive thoughts and fear are so draining. Stay well and be kind to yourself. Focus on the facts and rational truths when worry strikes to evaluate the level of worry and precaution that you should take in regards to a situation. 

I hope this helps! 

Blessings,

Grace

thanks Grace. i appreciate that, and you're right...be realistic about how much to stress because in the end its going to effect the quality of intimacy. Of course condoms are always going to be better but its not the same (i had a vasectomy and she has a clean bill of health so we're not worried about the other things). I also don't have any tell signs when i'm about to shed...occasionally i'll have pain in my testicles (i've read that could be a sign) but otherwise nil. my main question is if anyone has (or knows of) people who have been asymptomatic, taking meds, and still spread? i can't stomach the thought of giving it to her and am just wondering what's the likelihood of those low percentages kicking in? maybe the answer is just shut up and wear a condom lol

[DeMar]

Wow. Your story is so much like mine. I got HSV in either March 2020 or somewhere between 20-30 years ago. I don't know which because I've never been aware of having an outbreak.
I am now with an amazing woman and my main concern it to protect her. Because of Covid I won't be with her for another few months yet.
I am also taking a Lysine combo from Synergy, with the same attitude. Maybe it's a hoax but I'll take it in case it works (also mindful of side effects flowerteacher but have had none so far) and I also take Olive leaf Extract.
A week before I go and visit my SO I will start taking daily Valclovir and when I get there I have no problem using condoms but would certainly prefer without.  And of course, I have disclosed.

The first time we were together, shortly after finding out I had HSV2 and disclosing - we nearly didn't make it - I had alot of trouble with the condoms, and er ended up making love without for 2 weeks... a lot.  My partner never got herpes. But we feel maybe we were lucky and that was only 2 weeks. We hope to be together for the rest of our lives and that's a lot of together.

I read that male to female, a condom offers 96% protection, more if you keep underwear on. then add to that the other precautions I'm taking ,there's maybe a 1 or 0.5% chance of passing it on. But I'm not sure if that is over a year or every time we make love.

I hope this protects us enough until a vaccine or cure comes out. The one thing that worries me is that as I have no symptoms, could taking the Valclovir and then stopping down the track raise the chance I  get an outbreak?