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Dating with herpes


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I started dating this new guy I had met. We had talked for about 3 days when I decided I’m going to tell him I have herpes. I wanted to do it sooner than later because well idk I just did. He took it very well, wanted to be more informed about it. I was like ok awesome! Before our third date he wanted to make it official with us. I said of course I’d love to be your woman! Third date we did the deed. RIGHT after I felt the weirdest vibe…we did use protection. Wen I got home later I said to him I felt a weird vibe is everything ok? He said yes he jus got in his head about it but we’re good. Fast forward to Tuesday where I didn’t hear from him all day….that night he says I think I have what you have. I said what are your symptoms? He said his lips were dry n tingly n he’s sketched out. I apologized for him being in that situation but now that I think of it he knew what he was getting into rite? Now I can’t stop feeling like the asshole. Last night he messages me again n says I like you but are you sure you’ve never passed it on before? Mind you I’ve had this for 8 years and I’m always careful. There is obviously always a chance. But no I have never given it to anyone.

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Hello! 

I am so sorry that this happened. It's not yor fault. Remember that the way people treat you is a reflection of THEM, not of you. 

You were honest about your H, and you've had H for 8 years. You have been in intimate relationships with others, and honestly it doesn't matter if you've passed it to another person before, because that is not your fault. If I passed H to a former partner, how  does that impact my current partner? Different shedding rates, sexual safety practices, and just the impacts of chance and luck of the draw all can impact the likelihood of a partner contracting it. It's not like you decide to pass it to someone!! Plus, it is possible other contracted it or already had it and were asymptomatic, or possibly a partner contracted it and didn't disclose it to you because you weren't together anymore.  Regardless, that's in the past and yes, you were honest and they knew the risks of everything.  So, his pressing of that question isn't relevant and honestly kind of insulting. I'm sorry that he is being insensitive. I understand he may be nervous, but that doesn't give him the right to behave this way. 

You are NOT an asshole. If anything he is being insensitive and not very nice... He is acting as if you are contagious and aren't aware of your own 8 year condition!! You deserve so much better!! 

I was seeing someone once who said they were fine with my H and then freaked out and called me the next day paranoid about everything. Then they explained how bad they felt about freaking out to me. I was calm and comforting during both discussions, but honestly I was like... Holy cow 🐄!! This guy was about 5 years older than me (I was only 20!) and I was just amazed by how I was the mature and calm one in this situation 😂. So, please know, you are not alone and the random "day-after panic" from partners is so common. It's not your fault! 

Hang in there and stay kind and true to yourself. 

Sending blessings and prayers your way!! 🌈☀️🦋🌻

grace

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Thank you so much Grace that made me feel a lot better and reassured with your kind words!! He actually messaged me last nite and said he would still like to talk still n chill on the sex thing for now if it is ok. He felt we rushed n he got in his head about it jus being about sex. N he’d like to make it happen without it so it can be really real. Idk I feel like he’s very up and down about this situation. Should I jus cut ties I hate being jerked around.

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Hi!! 

I completely understand. I am in a similar situation right now. He's SUPER into me and we've been really enjoying one another's company. Suddenly he kept making plans and then cancelling and got super distant. I asked what was wrong and he's saying he isn't sure and is in his head and needs time, etc. He's accepting about my H though which is good 😂!!

In regards to whether you should cut ties with him... Think about if this person were to still be in your life a few months from now... would you see them building you up or continuing to bring you down? Also, If your friend were in your situation what would you tell them?

I hope this helps!! 🥰

Blessings!! 🦋❤️

 

 

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That is incredibly brave to put yourself out there and disclose your condition to a potential sexual partner.

I haven’t disclosed my condition to anyone except the 2 people I think gave me HSV2

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