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Anyone have advice on their first sexual experiences after herpes?

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Hi everyone, I was just wondering if I could get some advice on a certain topic if you have any. I have genital HSV 1, I haven't had an outbreak since my original one last September, and I don't feel any signs or symptoms from the virus. It's been almost a year that I've had it but I still feel somewhat new to it, especially when it comes to having completely safe sex with a partner. My first outbreak occurred in spots that would not be protected by a condom, so I was wondering if I were to have sex, if the safest way would be for the guy to keep his boxers on? I'm not sure what other kind of protection I could use to cover those parts of my skin. Does anyone have experience with this? When I think of telling a potential partner that we would probably have to have sex like that, I kind of wonder if the person would even want to do that still.


I was also curious if any of the women on this site could tell me about having oral sex with dental dams and if it still feels good to receive oral sex that way. I've never used them in my life, I don't even know where I would find them. And last question, is it possible for a guy to get an outbreak on his hands if he were to touch that area without any kind of protection? I'm not sure if this sounds naive but I've read so much about herpes, but I haven't read anything that tells you all of those little technicalities when practicing safe sex. I also don't know anyone else who has it that I can talk with and relate to, so I'm relying on this site.


To be honest, it's at moments like these when I think of having sex with someone again, and it not being the way that it used to be that makes me really sad. I think about how I won't really be able to just have sex in the moment without preparation and so much protection involved. But, I also have only been with one partner since I was diagnosed, and it's still fairly new to me so I don't know for sure what my sex life will be like. I just know it feels limited at the moment, and any advice, or answers to any of those questions would really help me out. When I disclose to someone I would like to feel like I know what I am talking about, and am not putting anyone at risk. Thanks so much in advance!

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Hi Iris! If it makes you feel any better, I have read on a few websites that HSV-1, due to it preferring the mouth/oral area, doesnt break out as often when you have it genitally. I doubt your partner would have a problem contracting it on his hands if he doesnt have a cut/scrape/hangnail. Just be careful with that. You would probably want to avoid oral sex the most due to the fact that the HSV-1 strain prefers that area and its hard to know when you have an open cut in your mouth.


I do, however, have a middle aged friend who has HSV-1 genitally and rarely gets breakouts. She has been with someone for 15+ years and there has been no signs of HSV-1 appearing on her partner.


You have to remember that everyone is different. It is less likely (not UNLIKELY) for your partner to contract it when you arent having a breakout. Just remember that if you touch a lesion directly, be sure to wash your hands because you can transfer it to your own mouth and possibly your eyes and definitely to your partner. Terrifying, I know, but just be cautious and keep clean.


I am no doctor, but this is what I have picked up from reading herpes related information on the internet. The best you can do is read read read and question everything. I love my smartphone, especially since I can look up info immediately when i think of something.


Good luck, hun. I'm in this boat too, except I just tested positive last week!


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Hey Iris! I know exactly what you are going through. I've been with a few people since being diagnosed but haven't had sex though. But I did meet one girl through a herpes dating site, it's a good site for meeting people in our situation. But if you read on some of the previous discussions, you shouldn't just limit yourself to people who have H. Trust me I know it's hard and I haven't disclosed to anyone yet so we're in the same boat. But Scornedvillager is right, everyone is different, and we all deal with it differently, you just have to be honest with your partner. If you want, you should keep an eye on my discussion, you might find some answers to your questions.

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i have hsv1 in the genetial area, my expartner also has hsv1 but on this mouth. i never had protected sex with him as he couldnt recatch it but i believe you can catch both virus. i have had the virus for bout 6 years and when i contracted it was horrendous, almost 30 blisters, i felt sucidal and dirty and thought i would never have sex again.i had to take the week off work, couldnt even pee without crying. touch wood i have never passed it on to a lover, even if i feel a slight twinge i will avoid sex. i sometimes get a single blister once a year and always in the same area even though they say you can get it anywhere in the boxer short area. i have friends with it, my boss and doctor!! both orally and genital. they get oral coldsore and they last 2-3 weeks, my friend wont go out, the small blessing is that noone can c mine,


since feb this year i had twinges but no blisters, so i am taking acicolvir (6 month course) and lynsene (60 days) i havent had any tingling since (i think it was thrush as I also got thursh in my mouth from partner. I am happy to say i have not had outbreak this year,


If i tell someone i say ive got hvs1 that seems to be more acceptable and is the truth.

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  • 6 years later...


l have hsv1 genitally. Got it from my boyfriend of 1 year who gets cold sores. I just found out that I have it, but I’m thinking I contracted it earlier on in our relationship. Anywho, I just started Valtrex this past Saturday. I’m feeling relief, but I still have lesions (painful lesions). When will this go away? Will my “V” ever look normal again? It is my first outbreak.

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