Second Herpes Outbreak and Second Rush of Sadness

[emily_bestrong]

About a month and a half ago I was diagnosed with Herpes. I slept with a guy passing through town and a few days later something weird was going on down there. My heart sank. My mind raced : "I should have been more careful, I shouldn't have slept with someone I hardly knew....how could he be so inconsiderate not to disclose?" After the initial shock and the end of my first outbreak I started to feel a lot better. I read a lot on this website, I talked with my close friends and I realized that this could actually be a blessing in disguise....I'm now much more aware of the importance of honesty, and if someone really wants to be with me they won't run away because of this. I felt so good up until now: my second outbreak. I started to notice some tingling but wasn't willing to accept that I'd be having another outbreak so soon. My hamstrings really hurt, and I kept making up excuses as to why they would be so sore. When the first lesion appeared, I almost had a meltdown. A part of me really wanted to believe that I would only have one outbreak (my sister has herpes and has only had one outbreak in her life). I guess my body is going to deal with this virus differently and I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

 

I just want to feel okay with myself. It's so hard to feel okay when there are lesions down there and I feel like crap. My co-workers ask me what's wrong, how come I'm not my happy/bubbly self? But I can't tell them why. I need some advice, I can't help but feel dirty and gross. My partner knows I have the virus, but I don't want to talk about the outbreaks with him...it makes me feel so gross. I make up excuses as to why we can't fool around. I just....want to feel beautiful again.

 

 

Emily

[lelani]

HI Emily...Isn't it awful when you feel like this...and you have only just been diagnosed so it's entirely normal to feel like it. It's hard to feel 'normal' when your body is telling you you aren't and its harder when you have a partner who doesn't have it...I can understand why you don't want to discuss OB's with him, I told mine that I am just not open for business and we made a joke of it. He knew he was in for some good massages when I said that and he learned how to give them too - was really nice and we looked forward to it. In fact one night he said he love it that we had times like that as there was no pressure and he felt really relaxed...so maybe create an alternative you both love to share?

 

And you are so not dirty or gross...that's just something we tell ourselves. We aren't that if we have chickenpox..it's just a virus like any other. In the first year you may get a few ob's - I had it constant for about 5 months...then it just went away and no sign of it since, although I am still on H alert if I get an itch!

 

I am just coming out of a tough time...the lack of acceptance comes in waves and I think we learn to deal with it and realise life goes on and we have to make the most of it. I practice affirmations, and meditate...eat super healthy and do things I love with people I love. H usually stays in the background. And I just found that when it pushes to the front that there are gorgeous people on here to give me perspective again.

 

You are beautiful...you just are and H doesn't negate that, just makes you find other ways to find it and share it.... xx

 

[emily_bestrong]

lelani,

 

thanks SO much for your response. it really means a lot to have support and understanding. i am so glad to know that I am not alone in this and that there are so many beautiful people out there with this virus. it's crazy how on and off the sadness is....i'm hoping that will change with time (and i'm sure it will).

 

 

it seems like i am having a constant outbreak....every time one seems to be over, small symtoms seem to suggest that i'm having another so i just keep taking the suppressive meds (1 or 2 per day). I am wondering if I should just test it and see what my body does without the meds? i'm afraid if my body gets used to them that when i stop taking them i'll just have outbreaks. should i let my own body take care of it, or use the meds? what did you do?

 

 

my partner is REALLY understanding of the fact that I have herpes....and I feel so lucky for that. but, it's so nice to have this forum and people that are going through the same thing. i am also wondering if i should tell the person who gave it to me. we're friends on facebook and he keeps "liking" my stuff which is making it hard to forget about him/disregard him....i'm wondering if i should tell him. i guess the only reason i haven't is because i don't really want him to get defensive about it. but, my gut feeling is that he should know. anyway, i appreciate your advice and am so grateful for it!

 

 

emily

[lelani]

You are so welcome...I get the same off here too and realise we are all more than this virus - hard to think that with constant OB's. I so know how you feel as I had constant ones for about 5 months..thought it would never end. I started 80% raw diet, cut out sugar and bread and one day suddenly they stopped...haven't had another for a few months now. So it does get better... takes a bit of work with diet, thoughts and general lifestyle.

 

I think you are right and should tell your giver....without blame and with good intention. He may not do anything about it but you have done the right thing in giving him the opportunity to check if he has it or not. If he gets defensive you just answer that you are doing it because you care about him and thought it was just the right thing to do to tell him. He can't argue with that because it shows your integrity, if he does he's an idiot and don't take it personally!

 

As for suppressives...hard one to decided if you have a partner who doesn't have H. It really is a personal decision and one you have to make with them.

 

Hey thanks for replying...great to hear from you and I am glad your partner is supportive. xx

 

[emily_bestrong]

i'm going to try to work on my diet and see how that helps. you rock girl, i really admire your outlook :-)

 

something i'm thinking of doing (emphasis on thinking)....is announcing/making it known that i have herpes. i am someone that blogs and i am an athlete that a lot of people follow online. i feel like if more of us just "came out", so to speak, the more we would be fighting the stigma and investing in the future of people with herpes.

 

this is something that makes me really nervous and it's really just a thought right now, but i want to make a DIFFERENCE and assist in the education and awareness of the virus. i know i would probably get a lot of interesting responses and opinions, but i'm thinking that in the end it would be worth it.

 

anyway! just a thought and wanted an opinion. let me know what you think.

[lelani]

You rock too...I have been thinking the same about being open. I have told all my family and close friends, my kids too (all adults and that was the hardest!). Everyone has been great...It has helped when i have felt down and can explain why.

 

I am also very well known and wonder if it would be helpful to come out with it...then I think there are some things in my life I would like to be private with as my life has been so public over the years.

 

My thought is to start a support group in my city as there isn't one...next step! You go for it, there are always good things that come out of bravery and caring about others. Nothing amazing ever happened without feeling nervous lol! I think it would be so worth it if it feels important too you. You are inspiring me to get off my ass and start a group!! x

[jessrabbit]

emily

i am 42 single mother and i was diagnosed with hsv1 in the genital area, about 6 years ago, i was devastaed, first outbreak was horrendous, couldnt even pee with out crying, i had to take week off work, i have friends with hsv1 and hsv2, my 2 best friends, my boss, ex partner and doctor, the bonus i see is that no one can see my sores!! but when i see they got a cold sore i tell them i have hsv1 just dont divulge where. i havent a bad outbreak like first one, maybe a few sores and always in same place, now i prob get one a year. in feb this year i started to get tingles and looked into antiviral tablets, i now take aciclovir (6 months only to build immune system up, take for took long and they may not work, thats what doctor said. I also take lynsine (60 days only and will prob take them later in year) and multivits and so far this year i havent had ob it was thrush that was making me tingle !!but i get so paranoid if i get slight tinge, apparently there are certain foods to avoid some say choclate some say alcohol, but i havent found my trigger. and i have never passed hsv1 to anyone.

 

i also use baby powder on the sore as it goes away quicker and dries it out.

 

it will get better and easier to live with and you'll prob be surprised how many people have. almost 1 in 3 my doctor told me.

 

take care xx

 

 

[CanadianGuy2012]

That's the way I look at it too, studies say 20%ish from age 12-49 have GHSV. What kinda strange statistic is that? To throw 12 year olds in there? Anyways I assume if you looked at only, say 23 to 43 year-olds there must be close to 40% who are positive. Not like we're alone.