Feeling a bit isolated

[bluey]

Hi, I just turned 19 years old last month so I feel like I’m pretty young to have already catched genital herpes which has made me feel worried about the future as I have it for the rest of my life and I have a long way to go. I was going to tell my mum but then she coincidentally started speaking about how she knew someone with herpes and she was “mortified” when she found out and it “ruined her life” and you can’t ever have a normal pregnancy which completely threw me off and instantly made me feel bad. I’m worried that I will scare off partners in the future and that I will be judged when I already feel pretty rubbish about it, as I have a lot on my hands as it is. Just need some support as I’ve only told a few close friends and don’t feel like I can tell anyone else.

[JJlove]

Hi @bluey! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I know what it feels like to get this news and think the worst and that life won’t be the same as I was diagnosed a few weeks ago. However, educating myself more about the virus has been super helpful and allowed me to grasp this diagnosis. I’m 36 yo and not as young as you are but I don’t think being younger or older is better. Just know that it is sooooo common especially amongst women. 1 in 5 women have genital herpes. We are all just super uneducated about it but you really start to realize the reason behind the stigma is because no one knows anything about it and as soon as you learn, you actually realize it’s really not that big of a deal. I think educating yourself and then sharing what you’ve learned with your mom will allow her to better understand how common it is and the stigma around it. And as for pregnancy, you can absolutely have a healthy pregnancy. The doctor usually will put someone on an antiviral a couple of weeks before delivery to ensure they don’t have an outbreak so they don’t pass it to the baby but soooo many people have totally normal pregnancies. Hang in there! We’re all in this together but I can assure you, it will get better! 

[montereypop]

On 11/11/2023 at 11:51 PM, bluey said:

Hi, I just turned 19 years old last month so I feel like I’m pretty young to have already catched genital herpes which has made me feel worried about the future as I have it for the rest of my life and I have a long way to go. I was going to tell my mum but then she coincidentally started speaking about how she knew someone with herpes and she was “mortified” when she found out and it “ruined her life” and you can’t ever have a normal pregnancy which completely threw me off and instantly made me feel bad. I’m worried that I will scare off partners in the future and that I will be judged when I already feel pretty rubbish about it, as I have a lot on my hands as it is. Just need some support as I’ve only told a few close friends and don’t feel like I can tell anyone else.

Hi bluey!

We all struggle from time to time, but I'm sure most veterans on here will be able to share some positive stories that will make you feel a lot better about yourself. You might want to read through some of the success stories on here - it can be quite comforting to hear that so many people can have healthy relationships, a normal pregnancy, and all in all lead a perfectly normal life. Remember, people who might be HSV negative might deal with their own problems that can be an equal burden. 

How are you dealing with outbreaks? Are they bad or are you coping alright? 

All the best!

[AnnieO]

I contracted Herpes at a ripe old age of 19 also. I suffered the same worries and concerns. I'm now 56ish. I had two normal pregnancies, recently divorced after 22 years and I am a bit fearful of the future. BUT, I'm filling my life with hobbies that make ME happy and someday I may share those moments with a partner, but for now I have to focus on healing...mentally and physically. Stress and a bad diet are a horrible mix for bringing on an outbreak. This "Issue" doesn't define who we are, so dont let it get you down. People will have mixed feelings others will totally understand. I believe I heard the admin say "Love is acceptance without judgement" Please stay strong. You are not alone. Glad to have you reaching out. This wasn't available in my days, if it was I sure would have done things a lot differently.  

[mr_hopp]

Hey @bluey,

Firstly, big hugs to you. Finding out about having genital herpes at 19 can indeed feel overwhelming, but I want to reassure you that this is a bump in the road of life, not a full stop. As @JJlove pointed out, education about herpes can be incredibly empowering. It's a common condition, affecting 1 in 5 women, and knowing more about it can help dismantle some of the stigma and fears you're facing.

Your concerns about relationships and pregnancy are completely understandable. But as @montereypop mentioned, there are many success stories out there. People with herpes lead fulfilling lives, have healthy relationships, and normal pregnancies. The notion that herpes "ruins lives" or makes pregnancy impossible is a myth. In fact, with proper medical guidance, you can absolutely have a safe pregnancy. Doctors often prescribe antivirals before delivery to prevent transmission to the baby, as @JJlove shared.

I get how you feel about telling your mom, especially after her reaction to someone else's situation. But remember, her perspective might be based on misinformation or lack of understanding. Sharing what you learn about herpes might help her see things differently. Also, a mom's love (for the vast majority of moms) can't possibly carry a shallow judgy opinion of their child. When they are faced with someone they know and love, their opinions can shift in the face of their love for you. 

And about feeling "rubbish" – it's okay to feel this way initially. @AnnieO's experience resonates here. She contracted herpes at the same age as you and went on to have a full, vibrant life, including normal pregnancies and a long marriage. It's a reminder that while herpes is part of your life, it doesn't define you. Focusing on hobbies, self-care, and personal growth can be very fulfilling and make life rich.

Your friends' support is invaluable, and it's great you've confided in them. And remember, this community is always here for you. We're a mix of people at different stages in our journey with herpes, ready to share, support, and uplift each other. You're not alone in this.

Stay strong and keep reaching out. Your journey might be different from what you imagined, but it can still be a beautiful, deep and rich experience. It's all based on the perspective you choose to take on. It can be difficult in the beginning, but stay vigilant, okay?