New at this

[Amelia]

Soooooooo, idk what to think... I believe he knew and didn't tell. But I accept that the bottom line is that I chose to have unprotected sex no matter how safe I felt. I fell ill 2 1/2 weeks after unprotected sex with him. Went to the doctor and was confirmed. He was tested, said he was negative, but when I asked him to send results to my doc, he said he thought they were wrong and was going to have them retest with same vile of blood. Is that even possible? Then I insisted he use protection incase it was right. He refused. We were together only 2 months at this point. He did some unforgivable things and the next day tells me he is positive. I cannot be with him and now I feel like I have failed myself in ever getting past it all. I am so scared no one will ever want me. $#!+

[WCSDancer2010]

First, Welcome Amelia! What a beautiful name! You are among friends here and we will do our best to help you through your Herpes Journey.....

 

Before you go too much further, have you read the AWESOME handouts and E-book that Adrial has on here? They may help you get a perspective on just how COMMON Herpes is.... not that it makes it any better, but so you can realize that you are not alone in this.

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

After that, look around and read some of the posts here. You are in exactly the same place as many other people on here and I know many will reach out to support you.

 

I am much, MUCH further along in my journey (I've had it pretty much all my life as I got HSV1 as a child on the lip and HSV1 in one of my first sexual experiences) but it doesn't mean I am not still learning on here. The biggest piece *I* have got here is just how great H is at helping you to filter/sort men out of my life who really would not be the right person for me in the long run.

 

Do know that someone WILL want you - and that in loving you WITH Herpes they will show you that they value you for who you are, not because you have what ultimately is a "nuisance skin condition" (which is how the medical community looks at it... and what it really *is* when you take away the social stigma).

 

Anyway - feel free to come on here and rant, ask questions, and look for support. We are here to help you -

 

(((HUGS))))

[Aerial2013]

"I chose to have unprotected sex no matter how safe I felt"

 

Amelia, I hear ya girl! Me too. I knew he had it, he said he'd use a condom, so we made our plans to be together. When I got there, he had "decided" that he didn't want to use a condom. I didn't have enough information to ask the kind of questions that MIGHT have actually been a bit more protection...when was your last o/b? are you on antivirals? if so, what dose? etc

 

I found out later, he'd had an active o/b just one week before we were together and didn't tell me. I also found out later he's never taken antivirals and has had it for a VERY long time.

 

There are two things that have proven to be the most difficult part of my journey so far, and after 3 o/b s they are not what you might expect. They have been 1)forgiving myself for choosing to "have unprotected sex no matter how safe I felt" and 2)forgiving myself for engaging in what I now know was a form of "degraded love", based solely on the heat of a moment.

 

Welcome to the discusion, Amelia! For now, try to hang onto the promise that many here will make that someone WILL want you....and the better you know the YOU that comes to the relationship, the more deeply intimate it can be for you AND your partner in the future!