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HSV1&2 *facepalm! Breaffff.....now what!?!?

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I have yet to cry...I won't allow this define me. I have been through so much and this has truly been an eye opener for me. My first Ob was 2 weeks ago it was the smallest blister the DR almost could not see it he said it was very minor and didn't think it was anything to worry about...blood test revealed otherwise. I have type 1&2....does this mean ill break out on my lips too!!?!

I broke up with my ex 4 months ago and he's back and wants to work things out-which I would LOVE to do. After we broke up I had a one night night stand *facepalm! I have avoided telling him and I've DEFINATELY avoided the make up sex. This will ruin us for sure! He doesn't love me we were only dating for 6 months...oh dear. I feel like I'm going to have to swallow rejection and learn to see guys I'm interested in walk away. I'm a little ashamed and very guilty.

I consider myself very well rounded, I'm a part time model a make up artist, I have an amazing full time job, my own place great friends...my social life keeps me busy and I take very good care of myself. My male friends consider me "the whole package" I fell, this is SUCH a deal breaker!! Although my friends are supportive none have been in my shoes and they don't understand. Hence why I am here.

I have so many questions and I'm running low on confidence....which has a never been an issue for me!

How often will I have outbreaks? I've started suppressive therapy...I have no idea what to expect. What's the ratio of men rejecting me? Is it true the first OB is the worst? Disclosing.....obviously I've never done...practice makes perfect right? Omg! How do I even get that out??? Please help me

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Hello there! And welcome! :)


First, do you know how many awesome qualities you just listed about yourself???? Herpes is only a deal breaker if that is how you SEE it.


I got my first ob a year and half ago. And yes, the first ob is definitely the worst!!! Yours doesn't seem as bad as mine was. I was broken all n over (maybe let it go too long) and it was spreading to my rear and hurting soooo bad. Ouch! Needless so say, your outbreaks depend on you really. Your immune system. ..stress. I know i got my second ob a year after my first due to stress but with Valtrex went away within no time! And no pain! But some people break out much more frequently.


I disclosed for the first time a few weeks ago. You have to be confident. Tell him you care for him and trust him. Do your research so you are prepared for his questions. Throw numbers out there like you know 80% don't even know they have it or its related to the chicken pox family and cold sore family really. Or is just an annoyance really. Hah whatever you feel is better for him to know. HES GOING TO REACT HOW YOU THINK HE WILL. I got rejected. But you know what. I was expecting it. I was expecting negatively so that probably came across in me disclosing.


Herpes is an eye opener for me. Lets me see who wants me for me and not just for a fling. It weeds out the good hearted people from the bad. And there are plenty of success stories where people are accepted for herpes and find love. Those people are out there. So never get discouraged and if you do...just come back here...we are all here for you :)



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"Herpes is an eye opener for me. Lets me see who wants me for me and not just for a fling."


Yesssssss!!! You got that right!


Molly: I have had HSV1 Oral since I was 3ish (likely thanks to an Auntie or whatever kissing me during an OB 'cause in the 60's Cold Sores were just accepted as a nuisance thing you got with a cold.) Then I hit the jackpot and got HSV2 likely from my first sexual encounter in my later teens (yeah - young and dumb, right??!!)


So I've lived with it my whole life - passed to to my now ex-hubby because we didn't know that the "heat rash" I got was actually Herpes. He never held that against me. We split after 20 years and we are still friends and he just told me he rarely breaks out (I told him about my "coming out" and my campaign for STD education and he fully supports it!).


I've since had 2 BF's who accepted it (one did take awhile to get otu fo freak-out mode!)..... and I HAVE had my share of rejections but as Simplyme said, it lets me know which guys are really just wanting to get laid and who is really looking for a relationship. And if the guy is a germphobe we probably would have issues because while I am "clean" I don't believe in disinfecting everything and getting all paranoid about every little thing that might be "dirty" (and I attribute the fact that I very rarely get sick to that belief) ... so it weeds them out early too ;)


Unless you KNOW your BF was tested before you got together he may well have it too (and then who knows who got it from who!) - so if/when you disclose you may want to have him check about what he has been tested for. Most STD tests DON'T include Herpes (or Chlamydia or HPV) unless you ask for it specifically (and there is no test for men for HPV by the way ;P ) . So you can also be educating him while you disclose (and let him know that you want to make sure he has that info whatever happens so he gets properly tested in the future)


And you say your friends are supportive but they can't understand - do they actually know you have herpes...or just that you are going through a "tough time"? Because odds are they have it. And if they say they don't, ask them if they KNOW that they have been tested, and use that opportunity to educate THEM with the STD info I just gave out above. IMO it's soooo important to get that message out there (regarding the lack of full testing)


Regarding your other questions, try reading the handouts and e-book and other posts on here - there is a HUGE amount of info between all those places. You just asked the exact questions that pretty much everyone else has asked on here at some point or other ;)






Disclosure e-book:





(((HUGS))) - know that you WILL be ok and life WILL go on.... promise. Take it from an "old hand" who has lived with it for over 30 years ;)

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Omgeeeee thanks ladies for the inspiration.... I definitely needed it. I've only told a few trusted friends about my H+ and their initial reaction was '' Gasp! That's terrible! , they flinched in their seat and seemed very uncomfortable..... But none the less I have their support. I've been doing my research and I can definitely see there's a stigma out there that needs to be addressed!

I am grateful for your time and attention and definitely grateful for your support and uplifting words.

However there's a HUGE concern pressing on my mind. I have a 4 year old.... How do I practice proper sanitation? Sharing towels? Soaps? He often crawls into bed with me at night (as all kids his age do when they've had a bad dream) is this OK? How often should I change my sheets? I live in a small apartment and I only have 1 bathroom-should i clean it daily?? Any extra advice?

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hey there! i just had my first (and second) outbreaks during the last few weeks, and this forum has been incredibly helpful to me. glad you've found yourself here! to answer some of your questions (and folks, correct me if i got any of the info wrong), it is extremely difficult to pass either HSV1 or 2 via towels, sheets, surfaces etc. the virus can't survive outside of the body for very long, prefers certain environments (HSV1 oral areas, HSV2 genital areas), and killed on contact with soap.


i'm assuming you have HSV1 oral and HSV2 genital, so you will want to be careful sharing kisses with your child if you have a cold sore on/around your mouth (and you'll have small amounts of viral shedding even when you're not having an outbreak) since their immune systems are not completely developed. if you do choose to go on a daily antiviral down the road, that will help with all viral shedding. although i don't think it's necessary (maybe wcsdancer can weigh in on this) to be on an antiviral to protect your child. other than that, with anyone just be careful not to have the other person have contact with the outbreak (especially in terms of genital to genital contact).


and never mind your friends. my best friend was in shock when i first told her (and her sister has herpes, but they never really talked about it). i had a quick chat with my lady doc the other day and the way she was totally not shocked, reassuring me that she sees folks almost every day (and i live in a high income area of uber professionals) with herpes, made me feel that herpes is more of an awareness problem than anything else.


good luck in the coming months! wcsdancer and simplyme both made great points. you ARE the complete package and this doesn't change anything. i'm guessing that you probably don't let just anyone meet your four year old, you wait until someone has demonstrated they really care about you and are going to stick around before you do. now it's the same with sex…herpes will make you wait a little longer until someone demonstrates they really care about you and you feel comfortable disclosing before you become intimate. and in the long run, this will be better for you and your child.

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LOL... ok - here's the deal. I had 2 daughters ...both born after I got HSV2 - both 100% healthy and happy and I didn't do one thing different except to be careful about kissing them if I had a HSV1 outbreak on my lip, and neither got it from me. Soap will kill the virus, as well as air and sun. The virus needs a warm moist environment to live for any time at all. So just practice the normal cleaning habits that you would with towels and such. ;)


Regarding the stigma - yes, it is something we need to address. Why don't you print out the disclosure handouts for your friends? That way you can be part of the education process that is sooo necessary to change the stigma of Herpes :)


I'm really surprised that none of your friends (knowingly) have it. make sure to educate them that they likely have never been tested even if they have had STD screenings and they may want to get checked so they know their status for sure.



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