I have herpes and I have questions! Please help!

[kitkat21]

eeek ok! so this whole week I've been feeling sick and then I notice these sores on my vagina so I freak out and go in to the doctor today and wouldn't ya know they think I have herpes they're running the culture to be sure but I'm pretty confident that's what it is because all of my symptoms line up. I've been researching it all day and I'm pretty certain I have hsv-1 because I've only ever had oral sex and the guy I had it with doesn't have herpes/ doesn't know he has herpes/ didn't tell me he had herpes. but I'm going with the he didn't know because I read that a lot of people have and show no symptoms I just happen to be one of the lucky ones whoopee. So I'm handling it pretty well I think today has been alternating phases of me being super positive, bawling my eyes out, and eating endless amounts of ice cream. So I have a couple of questions that I would welcome any answers to

 

1. So I have three blisters 1 big one and 2 baby ones right next to eachother and the big one just straight up popped like 5 minutes ago with like blood and pus and it was disgusting and now there is an open like crater it hurt like hell. Is this normal? Does this mean that the outbreak will be clearing up soon? am I reaching the end? (please say yes)

 

2. Do I have to tell the boy who gave this to me? I know it was him because he was the only person I've been with. We're just friends who were casually hooking up but haven't been for like a month. So if it is hsv-1 and he doesn't know he has it and he has no symptoms should I still tell him? It's confusing because I don't want him to feel bad and if it doesn't affect his daily life I would rather not turn the friendship into "hey you gave me herpes" I think that could put a damper on the friendship

 

3. so the only person that knows is my mom and she's super catholic so she's already disappointed in the fact that I even had oral sex with a guy and I know she thinks I'm a failure. but she told me DON'T TELL ANYONE NOT EVEN YOUR BEST FRIEND. and In a way I agree with her because you never know what people will do and I don't want crazy rumors getting out and I know they would try and be understanding but at the end of the day not really be able to help in any way. So opinions is this something to share with a close friend to help get the weight off your shoulders or is this something that should be kept private between yourself and sexual partners?

 

4. I've already read a few but are their any must-try home remedies or prevention steps. I'm really going to try and be proactive about this and make it as painless as possible

 

5. I've heard that your first outbreak is the worst and then they get steadily less bad as time goes on. Is there any truth to this? If my first outbreak isn't that bad does this mean life might not be that bad haha?

 

6. If you had one piece of advice for someone who just go diagnosed with herpes what would it be?

 

wow sorry for the essay guys. If you skipped to the end here's the summary: I have herpes, im dealing, go back and answer my questions. Thanks for everything!

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Hello!!! Welcome to the site. I have HSV1 genitally, been diagnosed about a month and a half, got it from oral sex too. Official call was on October 31, outbreak had cleared by then. You are not alone and in good company here. Big hugs to you. I am new to all this too so I am only going to answer the things I can do the best about to help you.

 

1. Every person is different, so no one outbreak and symptoms will be the exact same for each person. Here is how my initial went to give you an idea about mine, but remember everyone is different: lasted total of 7days, started Valtrex the day I went to the doctor, I had had 4 bumps by the time I went to the doctor, after the doctor more bumps came, round about total of 10-12 mostly on my buttcrack. I did not bleed, but did "weep" usually the pus you are referring too. If you started medicine, you should heal a little quicker from my understanding.

 

2&3 I'm going to hope someone else can help you with, because I am new to all this too and not sure what I would do. I did tell the guy who gave me this. He did get tested and was positive for hsv1. I also did disclose to some friends because my parents were not exactly nice about it.

 

4. Epsom salt baths! As many as you want a day. I did two a day, with like 3 handfuls of the salt in some hot water. It may sting a little but I swear for me this was what cleared me up so fast. I didn't itch at all. I swear by epsom salt. Tea tree oil is another one many many people recommend. I haven't had another outbreak to try it.

 

5. Yes. The first is the worst. As time goes on each outbreak is supposed to be less frequent and less painful, not last as long etc. Note: my initial outbreak got worse before it got better. New bumps came each day. Not saying yours will, but that's how mine ran. Note: HSV1 is supposed to have less outbreaks than HSV2. Again. Every person is different. My initial outbreak was not like horror stories you read, from your comment I'm guessing your initial isn't too bad for you either. BE THANKFUL for that. :) I am. I could sit stand walk, just more emotionally tore up than physically hurting. I hurt physically a little bit but not bad at all. So, as it goes. if this one isn't that bad then the next one should be easier than this one, typically that's how it works. Again, everyone is different.

 

6. If I had one piece of advice being new to this too, I guess it would be to breathe and find support. Take it day by day and know that everything you are feeling is okay. I felt bad for being so upset because everyone told me to get over it, in my actual physical life. It only hurt me more to hear that. So when I came here and got told: what you are feelin is okay. it helped me. Know that it IS going to be alright, even if it doesn't feel that way right at this moment.

 

Hope I helped some. Again welcome to the boards. Someone I'm sure will come behind me and fill in the places I may have left out or couldn't give good advice on. I'm new to this, so forgive me for that, but I wanted to help if I could.

 

You have come to a great place. This site has helped me so much. Everyone is truly so supportive and loving. Blessings to you. Big big hugs to you. :)

[Sabrinalexandra]

I was diagnosed 5yrs ago and got it from oral sex as well. I can tell you the outbreaks do get better, but they are definitely the worst at first and may take a while to build up the immunity. I did go on daily suppressive therapy, which has made a world of difference.

 

You should most definitely tell the guy you think gave it to you, if for no other reason, but so he knows and hopefully is responsible enough to disclose it in the future. Your friendship won't be "hey you gave me herpes" you might even be better friends afterwards.

 

As for who you tell, only you can decide for yourself. The reality is the more people you tell, the more you can expect will know and if you are ok with that then you will be fine, if you are not ok with that idea, then I wouldn't share at time, you will get to the point where you are ok with this fact (if you aren't already). The reality is your life is not going to end and with time it will weigh less and less on your heart and you will realize it is really not that big of a deal.

 

As for at home remedies, I agree and do like Tea Tree oil as it is a natural anti-viral and anti-bacterial, but mostly it relieves some of the pain associated with open sores. However, like I said, I have been on daily suppressive therapy, which has been the best remedy so far.

 

My advice is to be strong, don't look down on yourself, regardless of how you feel now, this is really not that major! And certainly don't think somebody will never love you because if they define you by having herpes, they really weren't worth having and you will find someone better!!

[kitkat21]

Thank you guys so much for the responses!!! You have no idea how relieving it is to hear from people going through the same thing (well actually you do know haha) but anyway thank you!

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Ohhhh @kitkat21 also, there have been some studies, no real straight forward yes this works answers, but lysine is supposed to combat the growth of the virus. During my initial Outbreak I took it twice a day 1000 mg along with my valtrex and drank nothing but water and ate a crap ton of yogurt and drank milk since those are high in lysine. Do some research on it and see what you think. Some people think it helps some don't. It's a supplement (well amino acid) but you get it at the drug store. Now I just take it if I'm eating something that is high in arginine or didn't get enough high lysine foods in my diet that day, arginine supposedly makes the virus grow. I was really proactive like you and did just about anything I could find to help. But you can research it and make your own call on it. Keep your immune system strong so you lessen the chance of another outbreak. Immune system plays a big part in this as does stress. So try to stay stress free. I can't really say whether it did or didn't help because I did a few things during that initial outbreak, so you can give it a shot if you think it's worth it. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

kitkat - first, welcome to the forums - you are in the perfect place to get your questions answered.

 

I want to address something DBT said first:

 

" I felt bad for being so upset because everyone told me to get over it, in my actual physical life. It only hurt me more to hear that."

 

Understand that they said that because Herpes isn't a big deal for THEM ... we tend to build the stigma in our heads to be far bigger than it is for most people. Herpes is so rampant that most people either have it or know someone who does. This why, to me, it is so important to start a movement to get the Herpes conversation and information out in the public arena so that we can not only remove the stigma from the uninformed, but also to stop this cycle of pain and anguish that many of the newly diagnosed go through.

 

DBT covered your questions so well I don't have much to add except for the issue of who you disclose to. I for one would tell the person who you believe gave it to you. The reason this virus is spreading at the rate it is is because 80% of the people who have it don't know they have it and thus spread it unknowingly to others. And if you approach him with the attitude of ""hey you gave me herpes" then that IS what your relationship will become. But it you approach him with a "I have something I need to share with you... I was recently diagnosed with Herpes and they told me you may have it and not know it and I want you to know this so that you can get tested." then it's not about blame, but about caring for them and their health and well being. I would print out the Disclosure handout and give it to him and give him this website info. If we all approach ANY disclosure as a way to educate and reduce the ignorance and stigma, we can make this easier for folks who are diagnosed in the future and perhaps help keep others from getting herpes.

 

Regarding your mother's response - that is all because of HER misunderstanding and ignorance about what Herpes is. Who you tell is up to you. One thing Herpes will do is help you learn how to read who you can trust with a confidence and who you can't. It will slow down how fast you get into new relationships because you will want to hold off having sex until you feel they are worthy of knowing of your H status, and thus, being worthy of being inside you.

 

On the other hand, I came out completely about a month ago to everyone in a post on FB as the first step in my dedication to removing the stigma of Herpes, and I have to say I was supported by 99.9% of the people who knew (the only person to stop communicating with me is the guy I was dating who walked after the "talk", which was what galvanized me to do this...just shows HIS colors to me...good riddance!)

 

I personally feel that hiding it from everyone just puts you in a "closet" which magnifies the shame and pain AND continues the ignorance and misinformation in the public arena. Now that doesn't mean that you have to do what i did and tell everyone... BUT ... I am sure you have a few close friends who you confide in. When you are comfortable, talk to the one who you trust most. Have a disclosure handout with you in case they are one of the "uninformed". Share how painful (emotionally) it is, how common it is, AND, how most people have no idea that they are carrying it....you will be amazed how many people already have it or know someone who has it, and if they don't, you can become part of the movement that is the change we need in the public perception.

 

Herpes isn't a death sentence. Your sex life isn't over. It doesn't make you dirty or unlovable... you are still exactly the same person you were before you got H. It is simply a nuisance skin condition (as per any Dr you will talk to).

 

It WILL change your life, but only in the way YOU let it. You can let being "positive" BECOME a positive thing or you can look for all they ways it will "ruin" your life. I promise, whichever one you choose is how it will be for you :)

 

(((HUGS)))