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How to tell my significant other that I have herpes

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I apologize if this post is a little too explicit for some, but I'm really looking for any advice from anyone that was in the same or similar situations. I'm afraid I'm in a tricky situation. I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend since August. We recently made the decision I would get every STD/STI test you possibly could and if I tested positive, he would get the test done. It is very fortunate/unfortunate timing that as I was in the middle of getting tested for everything that I was having my first herpes outbreak.


My question is, how do you recommend I bring this topic up? I need to tell him that I got it from him (as it's only possible for me to have gotten it from him). From what I've read about it, it's very possible to be carrying it and not know it. I am not angry and have no interest in breaking up with him over this, so I'd appreciate any advice anyone has. Thank you all, I'm glad to have found you.

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First things first :) breath! Did you take a deep breath? Okay now it's always recommended that you read the e-book and disclosure pamphlet...I would put links up but I'm on my phone so I'm a little limited here...Adrial can send you links but you should have gotten links to them in your welcome email and they can be accessed through the home page of this site :).


Did your boyfriend ask you to get tested first? Or were you showing symptoms and then you guys made a deal? I'm a little confused to that part so if you could clear that up that would help!


Either way if you're in a relationship with someone communication is key...and if you're sure he's the one that passed H to you and you're not mad at him flip the tables...can he really be mad at you? You both walked blindly into a situation but if there's trust, open communication, and honesty you should be fine. It's a scary thing to think about talking about mainly because herpes tends to bring our worst thoughts about ourselves to the forefront of our minds.


Stay calm it's gonna be alright :)

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@ blackbird


First - I'm going to go straight to the point - why did YOU have to have all the tests and not him too? Given that many STD's don't show up for months in a blood test, you could have gotten something (even your Herpes) from him and if it had just transferred to you right before the test, you would have come up negative. Then you both would be unwitting carriers. So no matter what I would have told you to get him tested for everything too. So I am assuming you had already been tested for everything since your last relationship?


First - have a look at all the Handout and Disclosure info Adrial has on here. You should print it out for him too so he can look at it and get informed.






Disclosure e-book:



I'll try to get back on here with other links where folks have talked about their disclosures but I'm heading out to wirk and have to keep this short...


As OPM said - BREATHE - and know it will be alright - and we are here for you :)





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I didn't mean to make him out to be a jerk! It was just a question of insurance. I have insurance, while he doesn't.


I'm wondering, since blood tests are questionable and he has never had an outbreak, what is the most reliable way for him to get tested when I tell him? There is really no other possible way I could have contracted herpes than from him.

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Ah - thanks for the explanation. Tell him to go to Planned Parenthood - they will do a sliding scale....they did my last one for$125 instead of 300....


he needs the Igg blood test - Its the one PP will do..


So were you a virgin with him or is it that he is the first person you had unprotected sex with? If it was the latter then you"could" have got it elsewhere even using a condom .... and if it's HSV1 you could have got it from Oral sex..... just making sure you know the other ways you could have got it :)



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