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a lil lost and alone with herpes

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i'm 23 and i'm just waiting on the results. but my doctor told me he's pretty sure that i have herpes and that scared me. if I unknowingly gave it to my girlfriend of 2 months then i don't know what i would do. i just feel as if i have no one to talk to and i'm afraid of breaking the news to her or my parents. i tell them everything but i'm afraid that they will be disappointed. also being a guy that thought he never would get it i was afraid of people that had it and was disturbed by it, but now i don't know how to feel. i don't know how to act. i don't know anything about having it. i guess i just need some advice or to vent thank you for reading this.

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Hey bro, thanks for venting here. And feel free to vent as much as you need to. We're here to hear you and support you. What you're feeling is common. And it's important that you let it out.


If you did in fact give herpes to your girlfriend, then the best thing to do is to be transparent, be honest. You didn't do anything wrong. And yes, ignorance can be bliss (and can impact others). If you didn't know you had herpes, you didn't know. Our culture is unfortunately not that vigilant about testing for everything and getting tested consistently so we know our STD status. You can't beat yourself up about something you didn't know about. And if your girlfriend or the parents are upset, that's perfectly reasonable and understandable. But don't have that mean that you're a bad person. Have this mean that from here on out, now that you know, you'll stick to integrity and telling future partners. This is actually an opportunity for you to be honest and authentic in your relationships. Vulnerability leads to connection. And even though it may not seem like it now, you are going to be okay and live an awesome life (yes, even with herpes!). It's up to you how you choose to think about what having herpes is going to mean to you and how you live your life. Character is determined in how we relate to the things in our lives.


Also, send me a private message if you'd like to talk one-on-one. I'm here to help.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

hey bro. i'm a little late coming around to offer you some support--skool is very distracting--but i jump on here as often as i can to either vent, share, support, read and learn. this forum is heaven-sent. we are all dealing with something that brings up a lot of noise (internally: within us, and externally: society).


before i was diagnosed, i felt--like you--that it would be devastating if i caught it (h). i remember reading in one of those Men's magazines, in the sexual health column, some schmuck who said: "if you're going to catch an std, be careful not to catch herpes, because if you do, nobody will ever sleep with you again." These types of messages come at us like torpedoes some times... but what's even more damaging--in my view--is that we don't talk about it enough. and silence equals death. the masses are so ill-informed! i've heard people call HSV1 the "good herpes" and HSV2 the "bad herpes". Yet they don't realize that HSV1 can become "genital" HSV1. the virus selects where to reside in the body, but a body is a body... that's all the virus needs. my point is, EDUCATE URSELF. and take this opportunity to educate your girlfriend, your parents, your friends... or whoever else is out there in the dark about HSV and all its eight strands (which include Chicken Pox and Shingles).


i go through episodes when i'm cool with hosting this little pesky virus and its skin eruptions. bad episodes come when i have to share my stat with a potentially romantic partner... all that internal noise comes up to the surface. but ultimately, it gets better... it really does get better. awareness, honesty, integrity, and the willingness to be vulnerable are characteristics that will from this day forth guide our behavior. so stay in touch with everyone here: we're in this together.

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thank you for the support. I've read up and learned about (h) and i'm OK with my situation. yes i have some hard times with my girlfriend but i'm working on the fact that it's nothing i can change and i just need to love life and not be afraid of it. and yes this has changed my life, but i don't know if it's for the better or not. just got to live it to find out. I'm just glad that i came across this site.

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Another note about STD testing: a lot of places won't actually test you for herpes (or will argue with you about it) if you've never had an outbreak. My giver, and we're actually still really close, was consistent with getting tested and the clinic never suggested to her she get a test. She asked about it and they told her they saw no reason for it because she'd never had an outbreak. She was pretty upset by the news because she never wanted to do that to me or anyone else involved, but she had no way of knowing, either.

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