Ranting for Support

[Bebe]

(This is a bit of a rant so forgive me!)

 

Hi guys. I joined maybe two months ago after my diagnosis for hsv-2. My first partner and bf ever had it and didn't know. I've kind of fell off the map on here because I've just been living in a pool of depression, anxiety and regret in my head. I try to think positive but it gets really hard. I found two tiny reddish scab-like cuts down there the other day. (Is that how this works?) They hurt a little bit. What bothers most are the prodromes--aches and pains around my buttocks. Burning sensation around the other areas. I just wonder when it will pass, I feel like I've been having these symptoms for weeks and weeks now. Sigh.

 

Anyway, I just feel really bummed out. Everything seems to be piling up on top of me and it's getting hard to handle. Last night on twitter folks began talking about people with hsv-2, some slightly insensitive things. I wish it didn't get to me, but all I could think was we're all not having random casual sex! I tried to be careful! Smh. It just made me feel like crap. Someone said a guy got it from oral and I remembered the stuff I only did with my bf bc he was being distant and I wanted him to I guess like me more, come to find out he was cheating on me. I know it isn't my fault, but it's hard not to feel this way. It's even harder bc I really believe he could move on and find someone even with hsv, I really don't think I can. Blah! Okay. Sorry for ranting, but I can't really talk to anyone about this stuff. No one will understand.

 

Hope you are all well. <3

[Amillionthings]

Hey Bebe...

 

Rant away...check out my rants...i went to town on it...i let rip and didn't stop! I feel better for getting it all out there, and the support here is amazing.

 

Check out what dancer has written to me in 'a million and one things' pt 9 ( yes there are that many parts to my ranting!! ;)

 

She made alot of things seem clearer

 

And I understand. All of it. We all do. You're not alone.

 

X

[WCSDancer2010]

@Bebe

 

Welcome back... you know we are here for you when you need us :)

 

It can take several months (for some, more, for some less) for your body to get H under control... after that, well, you may never have another symptom, or you may have several OB's a year. I found mine came and went.. likely due to my hormones (a womans period puts her under more "stress" and can cause small OB or prodromes). Try to look at this stage as a small blip in the timeline of your life... if you look at how many weeks you are likely to live (say - 3900 weeks if you live to be 75) this had not been much time at all... it just FEELS like it because you are focusing on it and it's not easy to escape on the days that you are having symptoms.

 

And honey, as I keep telling people, unless you are both tested (and I've learned here you have to SEE your partners test.. sadly some will SAY they got tested when they didn't :( ) before you have sex, you are taking a risk with your health. This message isn't being made loudly enough to people - whether it be in HS Sex Ed or from Family Dr's to newly divorced people (who are just as ignorant much of the time as a teen regarding this). You just lost the crap shoot of sex.

 

Every time we have sex with a new person, there is a small risk of an STD AND pregnancy (the "other" sexually transmitted condition ;( ) No different than if you got in your car and had an accident. You can do everything in your power to be safe in that car.. wear seat belts, buy a car that has airbags and all kinds of safety features. etc. And you could still be maimed or die in an accident. It's called LIFE. And if you don't take risks, you ain't living.

 

I'm sorry you lost that one "risk", but you will survive this. But YOU have to take your life back. Noone can do it for you. YOU have to accept what life has handed you and move on. YOU have to forgive yourself AND your ex. He didn't know and neither did you. While you *might* have done more to get educated on STD's, you are in the majority of people who have no idea of the realities and IT's NOT YOUR FAULT because it's all being swept under the carpet by the CDC and the medical community.

 

One way to take your power back is to not allow the jokes to get to you. Odds are before you got H you would have joined in. For the Christians on here (I'm an Athiest but I still take the lessons of the Bible where I can, just as I listen to motivational speakers and such), perhaps this will help you when you hear people say hurtful things. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." The people who say hurtful things about H and other STD's don't know... they may SAY they are accepting of "differences" but they will see that as being skin color or sexuality or whatever... they have not made the connection to people with STD's. If you can get that to your core, you can forgive them and it won't get to you nearly as much.

 

And Bebe - have you tried to open up to anyone? A true friend will stand by you, will accept you, and may surprise you with their ability to "understand" you as best as they can... in fact, you may find that they have it too. Find at least one or two friends that you can confide in. Pick them carefully... someone who you know is already accepting of people with differences. That person may learn a lot from you too... they may be one of the people making jokes.. in reaching out to them, you can also educate them. And THAT will help you to get your power back too.

 

We can only move forward through education. If we all reach out to 2 friends and educate them, and ask them to educate people where they can, we stand a fighting chance of reducing the stigma. YOU can be a part of that movement... and THAT will help you get your power back my friend.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

And @Amillionthings, thank you for the props... my pleasure :)

[Amillionthings]

Ha...u will always get my props dancer :) x