Loss of Focus and No Idea How to Bring Herpes up to Friends and Family

[Winsor1]

Hey everyone, I just found out two days ago that I have HSV (not sure if it's 1 or 2 yet - still waiting on results)... I met this girl overseas during spring break and had protected sex all but one time and this happens. I'm upset about it but overall I think I'm taking it pretty well considering it's been less than a week. I'm learning to forgive myself and to not blame her considering sex is always risky. I wouldn't say I'm depressed because I know it gets better from here.. but I will say that I'm having a really hard time focusing on things. I love working out and honestly don't mind doing schoolwork because I like my major and consider myself to be a good student. But since my diagnosis I haven't been able to do either. I've tried... but all I can think about is the HSV. I'm falling behind in all of my classes already and have no idea how or when I'll get back on track. During class I have a blank stare and can't absorb anything, and when I try to do homework I give up on it and either do more research on how to prevent HSV ob's or lay down and watch TV to get my mind off of things. I'm not sure what to do about this.

 

Also, you guys are the only people that know about this besides my doctor, which I know is mentally unhealthy. I just don't know if I can trust my friends with this. For the most part they're very judgmental and/or have big mouths (not that they would judge me to my face but I know that they would be thinking "holy shit he has herpes that's gross" even though they know nothing about it). But at the same time it would be nice if one of them knew what I'm going through so that someone has some understanding for my actions. Don't get me wrong I love my friends, I would do anything for them and they would do anything for me... but I'm very scared about this getting out. The last thing I need is judgement from half of the college (I go to a small school). How do you think I should bring this up to a friend? When it comes to family, I think I can talk to either my sister or brother about it. I just think it would be really awkward because they're much older than me and this would be the most serious thing that we've ever talked about considering they're finally beginning to accept me as an adult and not their kid brother.. I just don't know how to start the conversation. My parents are out of the picture because they'll worry too much and probably think that I ruined my life. Maybe I should just forget about telling anyone and see a therapist instead, idk.

 

Sorry if I wrote too much lol, just trying to get everything off of my chest. And thank you to anyone with advice.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Winsor1

 

First, good for you for coming here for support and advice. Reaching out is a great start to acceptance and healing, and this is a great place for both.

 

I just don't know if I can trust my friends with this. For the most part they're very judgmental and/or have big mouths (not that they would judge me to my face but I know that they would be thinking "holy shit he has herpes that's gross" even though they know nothing about it).

 

And you call them FRIENDS? Sorry but friends don't do that to each other. Acquaintances, yes...friends...NO. One thing H will do is help you figure out who your REAL friends are ... who you can confide in and know they won't spread it around or judge you.

 

A good way to talk to people about it is to have the disclosure handout with you... it helps you to have info if they ask for details ... most people in your age group have no idea about STD's - in spite of High School "Sex Ed" classes. So one way to look at "disclosing" to a friend is to put it in a way that while you need someone to confide in, you also want to make sure they really get it that they could get this all too easily too, EVEN WITH A CONDOM ON. All sex has risk. We can reduce the risk with condoms but, like wearing a seat belt, it won't guarantee that an "accident" won't happen. ;)

 

Here are the links for the handouts - get to know your facts...esp regarding Asymptomatic shedding and protecting future partners. Come on here all you need to for info, to vent, and get educated.

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

(((HUGS)))

[Amillionthings]

Hi @winsor1.....first off you now have a load of friends on here...people who are supportive, non-judgemental and who understand. We have it- so we get it.

 

I searched so many forums and this one is the best! :)

 

Dancer is right...friends...real friends, would not only listen, but would accept and certainly would not tell other people. My experience..... I have confided in 4 very close friends...one has 'H'....and two of them have family members who have it..i found this after I disclosed.

 

I disclosed to each friend when I felt ready...one after diagnosis and others as time went on. I took pressure off myself...by waiting until I felt I wanted to tell them about it.

 

and not one of them has judged me or has told anyone else...because they are true friends...if you're not sure if you can trust someone...then you don't have to trust them. I hope you can think of someone you trust implicity and someone who deserves to see your courage and bravery in doing so. Until then, you have everyone here :)

 

X

[Amillionthings]

And yes you are doing well :), its alot to take in...but the more I read the blog and support forum on here the better. Puts things into perspective more x

[Winsor1]

Thanks for the responses, I really appreciate it. I'm going to wait until I feel more comfortable to tell anyone the news, hopefully within the next few days. I think I'll be doing a favor for myself and my friend.

[Amillionthings]

Youve done great to get on here so soon to....i took ages to join. But feel way better now I have. Makes you realise you really are not alone :) and with people who just get it :)

 

Yep...i waited too..I had to get my own head around it and educate myself first. I owed it to myself to understand the virus...means you can actually explain it properly when you do :)

 

Do it when youre ready...youre in control. You don't owe anything to anyone. But its great to get it off your chest and have some support in person. A good true friend won't give a shit and will care about you even more for your honesty, courage and it shows how much you value them as friend you can trust :)

 

Best of luck. Keep us updated on how you are xx