I am scared about new relationships

lb32 · March 22, 2014

I found out that I have herpes back in October and it took me so long to really accept what was happening to me. But now that I have and have talked it out with a close friend, I have become a little more comfortable. But my friends keep telling me it's not a big deal and people will accept it. But I'm afraid that they won't, and I still feel like it is a big deal. And now I have met someone and would really consider dating, but as soon as I think too much about it, I suddenly don't even want to try because I'm scared they will freak out and not want to have to deal with it. I try to keep reminding myself that they will like me for me, but I can't help but have this little bug in the back of my head telling me it won't work. I don't know anyone personally who has herpes so it's really hard to have these kinds of conversations, and it would be nice to hear how people have told new partners about their herpes and I guess what can be expected from it. I came here because I know you all can help me to be a more confident me and help me through all of this. Thanks all :)

lelani · March 22, 2014

Hi Ib and welcome :-). I know just how you feel...I found out I had Herpes in October three years ago (gosh that has gone fast!) I just want to tell you that what you are thinking and feeling is totally normal...went through it all myself.

Go ahead and date...be friends first and when you think things may become more intimate, then have the conversation. Early dating is just getting to know someone, you don't have to give any personal information you don't want to until you trust the person enough to be able to do it.

I have told men on the first date, the third, a month down the track...its whenever I feel comfortable (or I've got brave enough more like it). As for reactions...I haven't had anyone run for the hills yet (and one had it too and was working up trying to tell me as well!). I have been the one to reject others because I couldn't deal with it. Then we have talked about it and they have been ok with either remaining friends or taking it further. I have had two lovers since my diagnosis and before meeting my partner.

I am now with a wonderful man who thought I was brave and had integrity by telling him (I told him on our first date). It was actually through that conversation he knew I was the one for him! And for me that conversation let me know what kind of man he was and if he was a keeper. We have been together for a year now and its great.

Learn all you can about herpes...keep connecting on here...and KNOW there are great people in the world who love unconditionally. It's a challenging dating road we H'ers have but the right people (because I know from experience there is more than one person right for you in this world) is out there for you H or no H :-).

Keep smiling and trust that person is out there and will meet you when the time is right. :-)

WCSDancer2010 · March 22, 2014

@lb32

@lelani put it all perfectly... but what we find helps a lot of people like you is to read all the success stories that you can...so I'm putting links of a bunch of successful disclosures for you to read... it's a good place to start when you are trying to accept that someone will accept you with your H friend.

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2384/successful-herpes-disclosure

Bookworm_21

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2789/about-to-have-the-herpes-talk Empowered 74

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat