Just found out I have herpes disclosing to my new partner

[collegechik1]

Hi,

I recently found out I have herpes which parts of me still think I don't. II have only had 2 sexually partners, 1 being my ex of 4 years and now by current partner of 3 months( I will call him b). It was love at first sight for B and I we instantly connected on so many levels it's crazy. He made me feel a certain type of way I had never felt before, the feeling was amazing. He felt the same way because within 3 weeks he told me he loved me (I know it's fast put he said it just felt right). Well after having sex on several different occasions I developed a cut type sore on my vagina neither one of us thought anything of it. It didn't hurt no burning sensation I thought it was because I was a little dry, nevertheless I just didn't want it there. I put neosporin, hydrocortisone, and monistat on it, it started to heal but was still there. I decided go to the clinic and the doc said it was herpes and she did a culture, she said the test may not come out right since my sore was healed. Well I got my results back and it said positive. Which I was shocked and surprised. I told B about it and he said he got tested before we had sex and it was negative has I did to and my test was negative then as well. B went and got another herpes test and his results came back negative. Well, needless to say he thought I was cheating which I haven't been. He said that me having herpes doesn't change the fact that he loves me, but he just needs time to think about all this. It's been 3 days and I haven't heard from him. I don't know if he'll ever call me again. I'm devastated 1 because I have an incurable disease and 2 because I possible lost the love of my life. I feel like I'm digesting and no one will ever love me again, I will never get married, have kids. I'm just lost. By the way I don't think he gave it to me, it's just a gut feeling that my ex possibly is the culprit because he cheated on me a numerous amount of times. Sorry I'm all over the place. I just found out 5 days ago.

[valkyrie]

Dear Collegechick,

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be so frightening when you first find out, and feel all those horrible feelings of loneliness and hopelessness, and feeling unloveable. You are not alone.

You do not have a disease. You've caught a virus. It's like getting chickenpox... You'll always have it in your system. But, does having had chickenpox define you?

Herpes has a horrible reputation. It does not define you though. You are the same wonderful, smart, beautiful and loveable person you were before. I know the place you are in. It is dark and scary. I've been there, and not too long ago. I wanted to die and felt my life was over. Finding this group was a lifeline to pull me back to reality. The day I found out was only a few months ago, and now I have to admit I don't think about it all the time. Sometimes I go several days without even thinking about the fact that I have HSV2. It truly does not impact my happiness.

Check out the resources on this site and keep posting. Everyone here understands and accepts you.

Be well,

~valkyrie

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@collegechik1

 

Hello and Welcome to the forum :)

 

Valkyrie is right - Herpes does NOT define who you are... and it certainly won't affect your ability to find love, have a family (I have 2 daughters), and have a normal life UNLESS you let it. "B" may or may not manage to deal with it (more on that in a minute) but we have TONS of success stories on here with discordant couples where one is H+ and the other is H-.

 

So, regarding "b" ... get him to come on here...we have a great section for partners of people with Herpes. Tell him to NOT go on Google images or any of the ugly Yahoo groups... many of them would have you believe we have leprosy and all our parts are going to fall off :p We can answer his questions and concerns.

 

"I told B about it and he said he got tested before we had sex and it was negative has I did to and my test was negative then as well."

 

So you tested negative before you had sex with "b"? How long was it after you broke up with your ex? Seems very odd that you were negative then unless you were recently exposed. Also, is it type 1 or 2? If it's type 1, and he was only tested for type 2, then he could have given it to with oral sex because the majority of the population has HSV1 oral (acquired in childhood)...which would totally make sense. Or if you were only tested for H2, you may have been carrying it from the ex....

 

Do realize you are FAR from alone in this... 1 in 5 has HSV2 and 4 out of 5 have HSV1... most don't know they have it. Herpes doesn't discriminate ... young/old, rich/poor, sexually active/first timers (I got H with my first sexual experience :( ) , every demographic has their fair share. Its only because it's not talked about that makes it seem so "bad" and feeds the stigma-machine.

 

You will be fine. See if you can print out the disclosure handouts for your BF and get him on here. We are here for you....

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

Handouts:

http://bit.lyh-opp-diagnosis-handout/

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Also check out the FAQ section at the top of the discussion boards :)