Is It Time To Tell Him Now I Have Herpes?

[what2do]

I just recently started hanging out again with this guy I've known for awhile. He's had feelings for me for several years . We've only seen each other three times but I really want to tell him. When he took me out over the weekend things got pretty intense back at his house. Of course I didn't sleep with him but I would have loved to more than anything. I regret even doing that much actually. Anyway, is it too soon to tell him? I know we've just started hanging out again but I feel like we're right in that in between stage where he likes me enough but not hasn't completely fell for me yet. (Borderline "falling for me"). Of course that negative, afraid voice in my mind is saying he'll leave but when he was holding me in his arms the other night a part of me just knew that after disclosing he won't be going anywhere. Anyway, is it too soon? Not sure what to do.

 

Did I make a huge mistake by letting it go that far this weekend? We kept our clothes on but now I'm paranoid that he'll be mad at me.

[WCSDancer2010]

@what2do

 

There is no "perfect" time... just the time that is right for YOU. If you feel you want to get intimate, then it's time. I would personally talk to him before things get to heated next time you see him. Tell him you really would like to take things further but you need to talk to him first... tell him you didn't want to tell him when you were both in the heat of the moment because you wanted him to hear you with a clear head (the one that THINKS!). Then tell him, have the handouts with you, give him the stats of his chances of getting it. Let him know that if he needs time to think, that's ok. And direct him here if he has questions and tell him to stay the hell off Google! Let him know you have his best interests at heart, and you wanted to tell him now before you both get too caught up in your attraction to each other.

 

Are you on anti-virals? If not, and you plan to use them, they take 10 days to get up to therapeutic levels in your system. Remember condoms are not completely effective... but even if you are on the meds, USE A CONDOM until you can swap your STD results, ok? Tell him that it's nothing personal but you have learned from your past experience that you have to look after YOUR sexual health and that means SEEING his papers too... and remind him that he will have to ASK for Herpes and Chlamydia in order to be tested for them ;) ... (btw, guys can't be tested for HPV :( )

 

(((HUGS)))

[alex08]

I don't think he'll be mad for not telling while you were getting hot and heavy. It was a smart choice to draw a line and hopefully he'll see that and be grateful for it. It sounds to me like now is a good time to tell him, since you could obviously quickly get into a physical relationship under more healthy circumstances (to put it delicately). As many people have said here it could actually be the thing that lets you know for sure if he sees this as a potential relationship or a chance for a hookup. Bright side! ;-)

[Sparklepony]

Well, you definitely want to tell him before things get physical. You obviously know that. As far as actual timing, I would tell him when you're not about to get naked with each other. Honestly, it can be an in the moment killer. He needs time to process it, and possibly time to think about if he wants to go down that road. That's completely normal if he does, it's a pretty big deal to actually be given the choice of being put at risk to get something like herpes. If you feel like you can trust him, and feel like he can handle it without being too quick to judge then the earlier the better. If you're unsure about it, then wait till you know him better. I know how exciting it can be to have a super strong mutual attraction to someone new, and even better when you both have a sexual attraction to each other but unless it's worth the risks- both physically and mentally then it's okay to wait.

 

Also.... I just noticed I said basically the same thing as Dancer....

[WCSDancer2010]

@Sparklepony

 

You learn well grasshopper ;)

[Sparklepony]

I have some pretty amazing teachers!