Diagnosed yesterday, here's my story.

[Chapstickchaos]

My name is Raychael, I am 23 and I have been diabetic for 12 years. After spending the weekend in horrible pain with two trips to urgent care and being told that I just had a yeast infection, I was diagnosed with herpes yesterday. I am heartbroken. I am still trying to accept this and learn as much as I can.

I had a bad feeling that I had "H" from what I had seen online, and I was terrified. I was very lucky that my parents were so understanding, considering the fact that I come from a very religious family. The first thing that popped in my mind was my boyfriend, we have been together for 11 months and when we first got together we had a long conversation about STD/STI's. I've been tested twice and told them to test for everything, both times I came back clean. Unfortunately I have learned in the last couple days that they don't test for "H" unless you specifically ask for it. I thought for sure he would leave me, I thought "I just won't tell him so he won't leave, I'll just tell him that it's just an infection." As I was thinking that my phone rang, he was so worried because he knew I had an appointment and I hadn't told him anything about it, I couldn't lie to him so I just told him. He wasn't happy but he said that he cared to much about me to leave me over that and that we would work through this. I care about him so much, I am so scared that I have passed it to him because I didn't know I had it. I actually think that I got it almost 4 years ago and it has laid dormant until Wednesday night. It would kill me if I found out that I did that to him.

I went 4 days not knowing it was "H" and I have read that it can spread and I think I might have it under my fingernail as well. I feel so disappointed and I feel tainted. I know that everything will be okay, I just have so much running through my mind and I'm scared. I am just so thankful that I stumbled upon this website.

 

Thank you for reading,

Ray

 

[HerryTheHerp]

Hi Ray,

 

Welcome to the club!

 

Well, first, "clean." Oh, I hate that word. Try using "negative/positive" instead. You'll feel better. Clean/Dirty, bad connations and there's nothing dirty about having herpes. It's a simple fact of biology, and we've all got something, so in a sense, we're all dirty. I don't like to think about it in those terms.

 

Now, it sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good relationship, and I wouldn't worry too much right now. It sounds like you'll be able to work through it just fine. Who knows? Maybe he gave it to you? In either case, he needs to get tested, and you two should take precautions including using condoms, going on suppressive therapy, and making sure you don't have sex if you have an outbreak. If he is positive, well, there's no way of knowing who gave it to who; if he's negative, you can take steps to protect him.

 

Don't be scared. It won't help a bit. You're still the same beautiful, lovable woman you were the day before you visited the doctor. Could this have lain dormant for 4 years? Oh, yes, it could, and it does have a habit of doing creepy little things like that. There are some people that only find out decades later.

 

The good news: you've found the best community for H on the web. It's full of great info, friendly people, and lots of support. My advice? Keep smiling. Get educated. Get your boyfriend tested, and relax. Herpes may irritate you every once and again, but it's not going to do any permanent damage.

 

 

[Chapstickchaos]

I've never looked at it as being dirty, nor have I felt dirty, I guess I just said it that way because that's how I've always heard it. Hopefully no one takes offense to that, it was an honest mistake and I apologize.

[HerryTheHerp]

Oh, I'm just busting your chops. It's how most of society describes it. From blogs to dating websites. But, we can change that by not using it ourselves. And, let's be honest, it's time to change the STD discussion in America.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Chapstickchaos

 

Hello and welcome!

 

Herry is right ... the language we use can help us to change our view on things ... even though you may say "clean" because that's what everyone says, the normal opposite of that is "dirty" (and you DID say you feel "tainted" , which isn't a lot better ;) )

 

I actually think that I got it almost 4 years ago and it has laid dormant until Wednesday night. It would kill me if I found out that I did that to him.

 

So, you didn't "do" anything to him. You were in the belief that you were ok because you had asked for "everything" in the past and the Dr's likely didn't test you.... tho I have to ask, do you know if it's HSV1 or 2? Do you know for sure your BF was tested for everything? It's entirely possible he could have given it to you too ... sometimes they test for HSV2 but not H1 and if he had cold sores, he could have transferred it to you via oral sex. You see, H is a slippery little bugger and it doesn't play by the standard rules of medicine ... yes, there are the standard "symptoms" but the way each person experiences them can be vastly different that the "textbook" cases. Either way - you didn't "do" anything to him ... you didn't know and it's just a fact that you lost the crap-shoot of sex ... bottom line is if we are sexually active we are at risk. Period. And the asinine recommendations of the CDC to not test for it don't help our odds. So don't beat yourself up ... just get educated, get him tested, and then when you have his results you will know how to proceed.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Chapstickchaos]

I do not know which type it is yet, I am trying to get an appointment to find that out ASAP. I am pretty sure my bf didn't give it to me, plus he has never had any cold sores or anything. I honestly am almost positive that I know who I got it from, which is why I think it laid dormant for 3 years (it was 3 not 4, not sure what happened when I was typing that.)

 

I definitely could have chosen a better way to say a lot of what I said in my original post, I am not the best at explaining myself at times and was still rather worked up when I posted it, And I apologize. I have a lot of learning when it comes to the positive way of talking about H, until I found this site I had never heard anyone talk positively about it.

 

I finally got to see my bf today (there's a bit of distance between us so I hadn't seen him since my OB), so I finally got to talk to him about it face to face. He told me that his best friend got H while he was in high school and they did tons of research on it after he found out, so he knows a lot about it. Knowing that he is so supportive and understanding and seeing that he doesn't look at me any differently helped me realize that I am not any different than I was before. I am still me. I was so upset, confused, and so busy worrying about everything, I hadn't let myself relax and try to accept it. He finally just stopped me and said, "You are overthinking this, and you're making it a bigger deal than it actually is." He couldn't have been more right, I naturally over think everything that happens, causing myself more harm than good. After talking to him today, I am a lot more at ease.

[WCSDancer2010]

he has never had any cold sores or anything.

 

80% of people don't know they have it and never have a cold sore... it would be useful to get him tested too so you will know if he has either as well ... then you will know if you need to protect him or not.

 

Awesome that your BF already understands it to some degree.... YAY for you! Sounds like he's a keeper ....

[Chapstickchaos]

Oh yes, he is definitely getting tested. I believe next week. Definitely going to be taking precautions but because of the distance I probably won't even see him until after he gets tested.

I honestly think he understands it more than I do.

[myfiercecalm]

Hello, thank you for your post. First of all, I think I can relate to what you're feeling right now. I just found out I have HSV2 a few weeks ago. I've never had an outbreak (that I know of), so it was very shocking to me and turned my world upside down. If you haven't already, please take a few minutes to watch Adrial's video:

 

 

I just watched it a few hours ago, and it inspired me so much. For the first time since I found out, I really feel like a whole person again (thanks Adrial if you're reading this! :). Anyway, I wish I had watched it immediately when I found the site, which is why I wanted to recommend that for you. The other videos are great too. There are a number of interview videos with people "coming out of the closet" for the first time publicly. It looks so empowering and inspiring to me. Hopefully they can help you too.

 

Also, I haven't been here long, but from what I've observed, there's no judgement here. You can talk frankly about anything, and we aren't going to attack you or feel like you are attacking us. You don't have to apologize. We all went through similar feelings when we found out and still are in some cases. It is a very emotional time. I'm a 27 year old, straight male, and I cried like a baby when the news finally sank in, completely overwhelmed by irrational fears, regrets, and anger (mostly with myself). But it will pass. Ultimately, if you're like me, you have to accept that you like sex (OK, you like sex a lot), and you aren't going to apologize for that. It is how we are made, and as Adrial said in the video, it can happen to you whether you have 1 partner or 1000.

 

When I found out I had HSV2, I never would have dreamed I could feel this good about myself ever again, much less in a few weeks. I told my last partners this past week. It was very difficult, but everyone was very understanding and empathetic. I was afraid to do that at first, but I put myself in their shoes. I would want to know if our roles were reversed.

 

I know that was a lot to take in. This is my first post on the forum, and I had a lot to say. I would have started a topic, but I hope this is more useful for you and others, at least tonight.

 

Sounds like you have a good fellow there, best wishes for a happy, healthy future you can share :D

[WCSDancer2010]

@myfiercecalm

 

First - welcome ... and thanks for such a great first post! I love that we now have people coming on here who are newly diagnosed who are already offering support to others while they themselves are working through their emotions. It's a beautiful thing ;)

 

Yes - this is a "No Judgement Zone" AND it's a "Tough Love" zone at the same time. We won't judge but we also will tell it like it is if we feel that you need a little "re-direction" in your thinking..... as Dr Phil says... lets just call a spade a shovel .... but it's all done with love and with the best interests of the person at heart.

 

The HIV community has some ads out on Logo TV encouraging "Full Frontal Honesty" ... and that is what we are encouraging here .... a space to speak freely about the Herpes Experience, our sexuality, and whatever comes along with that as adults who can talk about all this without shame, blame, or guilt.

 

Glad you found us..... I can see you will be a great addition to our community ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Sparklepony]

Hello!

 

Welcome to this wonderful little community.

 

I know you're feeling pretty guilty right now, we all did at first. It's normal. Just breath though. Even if it turns out that you have had this in your system for awhile and even if it turns out that you passed it along to your man, that is the worst thing that will come of this situation. It's not the end of the world, really! At first you will be a giant mix of emotions (normal), but then you're mind will calm itself and you'll realize that you will still be you and you will still live a very normal life.

 

You mentioned that you *think* you became H+ about four years ago, if so, then that is a very good sign. If you have a track record of one outbreak in four years then consider yourself pretty lucky and continue doing what you're doing to manage this. If you recently became a part of the club, then educate yourself on exactly what herpes is, how it's spread, and the triggers (which are hard to really know since they vary person to person), and look into suppressive meds.

 

No matter what, you WILL get through this.