Recently diagnosed with herpes, a little confused and grateful for this site

[QueenBee]

I was very recently diagnosed. I actually ended up going to the ER because I didn't know WHAT was going on. I couldn't go to the bathroom, I was swollen, burning,sore and scared. In the ER, it was pretty much a joke (the $1100 bill was not). The DR rolled his eyes at me and then implied that my husband was cheating. Nobody wanted to answer my questions and nobody told me how prevalent it is or that it's manageable. I did get a shot "because with herpes, there are usually other STDs present." I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I went home and told my husband. I asked him if he had cheated on me (and I really already knew the answer was no) and of course, he said absolutely not. He was super supportive and said "it's a skin condition, not a death sentence. You and we are going to be fine." The next day, I went to my GYN. She took a culture, told me that it's what it looked to be and that so many people have it and most don't even know it. She said she'd like to deck that ER Dr. She said "it's a skin condition, this looks to be your first outbreak, it happens. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. WE will manage it and you will be fine." She gave me a Rx for Valtrex and told me to come back in a month so that she could have another look. I left feeling a little better. I called back a week later to confirm what I really already knew. The culture came back positive, but they didn't tell me what strain it was (I later learned from this website that's actually very helpful information). I've been with my husband for 5 years. We were both in our mid 30s when we met. We have both been married before, gone through divorces and while not promiscuous, the reality is that we both dated some before we met each other. This is the first time ever that I have had an outbreak that I am aware of, so there's that mystery. He has never had a visible outbreak (yes, this I would know). Now, if it turns out to be HSV1, that might be the missing piece of the puzzle, in my mind anyway. Best case scenario in my mind is that's what it turns out to be and that he is a carrier of it orally. My BIGGEST anxiety about all of it is transmitting it to him. I love him, want to protect him and never want to do anything to hurt him. I also don't want him to have to go through an outbreak or take Valtrex (and actually, if I could only take it for outbreaks, that would be fantastic). I can deal with the physical pain/discomfort and with his support and this website (why does nobody talk or want to talk about herpes? The doctors are so dismissive! Thank God I found this site!), I feel like I can manage the physical symptoms and if I can get over the anxiety of transmitting it to him (assuming that I haven't already and after 5 years, I'm not sure what the chances of that are - or maybe he already had it and gave it to me? It's just weird that after 5 years, it's just become an issue), that would go a long way to dealing with the emotional. I've come a long way in the last month. Reading the posts, watching Adrial's videos and reading the handouts, etc. REALLY helped me get to where I am now. Although, admittedly, spend entirely too much time studying my genitals, ever vigilant of another outbreak and still apprehensive about having "relations" because of transmission. My husband, while appreciative of my love and concern, worries that I'm going to drive myself crazy.

[HerryTheHerp]

I agree with your OB/GYN. That ER doctor needs a stethescope shoved up his arse, stat!

No, the presence of herpes does not mean something else is present; could it be? Sure. Likely? No. That ER doctor was a prick.

 

Is it possible you've had this a while and not known it? Absolutely. There are people who have had it decades and then they have an OB for the first time. It happens. And, your husband should get tested, too, just to know and be certain. And, it's not really about being promiscuous or chaste. A lot of people on this site only had 1 or 2 partners before getting this.

 

Now, have you ever had a cold sore? That's HSV1. How about your husband? It's possible for HSV1 to be below the belt and get there via oral sex. When you go back to get tested, be sure you get tested for both HSV1 and HSV2. Your husband sounds like a really good guy, and if you test positive for HSV2, and he tests negative, you'll still want to take steps to prevent transmission. It's not going to be a relationship killer, so that's a huge weight you can take off your shoulders. And, with proper precautions such as suppressive therapy, avoiding sex during OB's, and taking care of yourself, there are really good odds you never will transmit it to him.

 

We're glad you're here. Ok, not really. We wish you didn't have to be here. But, since you do need to be somewhere, we're glad it's here because this is the best gosh darned support group and site out there. And, bring your husband in. There's lots of information here that he can benefit from (plus us guys in here are a little outnumbered and could use another member for poker night.)

 

 

[Judith]

HI QueenBE,

thanks for sharing your experience on that website, so happy that you found it and that the forum and adrials videos could help you.

Your husband don't need to be worried that you drive yourself crazy, at the beginning every person get a bit crazy mind about that but it get better ,time will make you more comfortable with that skin condition. You are 5 year together , non of you cheated .

So there is a possibility that he had it before or that you had it for long time and didn't knew, probably this could be a mistery forever but its nothing you should think about to much , it doesn't matter at the end. Some people carry the virus for 20 years or more and they never shown any Symptoms or get any OB.

Sorry for your emergency experience, well I guess the most doctors in emergency don't know about Herpes to much, they don't know that 20 percent caring HSV 2 or 1 genital(50 percent of new infection come from there) and they don't know about Transmission rates and stuff like that.

Your Gyn doctor was so right, I guess she saw that so often in her live.......a LOTTTTTTTTTTTT of people have it but the problem is that nobody talk about it and people think only sluts get it.....so more we talk about , so more people realize that its quit in common , so more we can start the shameless opportunity....and you did a good start when you wrote your post :):) thanks so much

Anyway I am happy that you have a supportive partner and that he only see it as a skin condition.You both need to see how much OB you get and if you need Valtrex or not.

Sure the transmission rate go down when you take antivirales but he should make a bloodt est too to see if he have it to or not and then you decide together.

Listen to the symtoms. H will tell you when you will get an OB.

If you have an OB , red skin or any itchy feeling then its sure that you shouldn't have sex.

For the rest enjoy your live ( Sexlife )

Good luck for you both

 

[QueenBee]

Thank you for all of your support. Definitely helpful to have a place to ask questions. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@QueenBee

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First, I would call your OBGYN - they should have the test results from the swab and should be able to tell you which strain you have. Odds are it's HSV1 from oral sex with the hubby, given that 80% of people with it don't know that they have it. AND, if it's HSV2, well, I've got a client who had it for 30 years before her first OB...

 

The DR rolled his eyes at me and then implied that my husband was cheating.

 

I would send a complaint letter to the Hospital. Tell them that his comments were totally unprofessional AND harmful ... that you have since learned that 80% of people are asymptomatic and you could have carried it for years OR you could have got it from him from a cold sore. And that you would appreciate it if the Hospital would add some STD Education training for the Dr's and Staff... especially where Herpes is concerned because you are hearing of MANY people who are having the same experience as you in ER's all around the country. You deserve an apology from that Dr or at least from the Hospital and you *might* make a difference for people who end up there in the future with an OB....

 

So - your first step is to see if you can find out which one you have ... how you proceed will be determined by that... and get the Hubby tested ... I'm willing to bet he has HSV1 ... but until you know, you will be just guessing at the best course of action..

 

(((HUGS)))