Law and Order

[NeedToKnow]

I need some advice. I contracted HSV-2 from my ex-fiancé in Sept of 2013. Like so many others, I was devastated and furious. Honestly, I still trying to find peace with my "new normal". I am a 33yr old single parent (1 child), never been married and because of this diagnosis I find it hard to believe that someone will ever want me as a wife. Here's the story: my ex and I almost never used protection and I had not contracted anything during our 2yr relationship...at least my blood tests for all STD's including herpes were negative. In March of 2013 we decided to end the relationship. However, in Sept we started seeing one another again and that's when I contracted the virus. The symptoms of my first OB sent me to the ER. The doc swabbed my vaginal area at the site and did all the necessary blood work and both came back negative. After a few months I had another OB and returned to my regular doc, when the blood work came back this time it was positive. I asked my ex about being with other partners before we engaged in sex and was told no. I shared my results with him only to be told a few days later that he's negative. Now, it's 8 months later, I'm still trying to cope and this guy is still claiming that he (and his new fiancé) is herpes-free. I want to take action legally, because I feel that's he's given me this virus intentionally. Does anyone know if I can sue for test results and if he can serve jail time for this? Yes, I consented to sex, but with a person who swore he was STD free. What can I do?

[ihaveittoo]

Hello and welcome.

 

Not really sure about this. I would consult a lawyer. I would assume you would have to obtain some sort of medical documentation that would prove he had knowlegde of having the virus prior to you testing positive. Unfortunately that could be very difficult.

 

Even if he lied about not having sex during the time you were seperated he may have honestly not known he had it. Theres really not much more I could say about it. Others here may be more knowledgeable about the legal angles of this.

 

As far as finding a husband someday, don't sweat it. Not all of us guys are total shitheads, but I must admit we all have our moments. In time you will come to know the virus better, how it affects you, your triggers and prodomal symptoms. Once you have a grasp of that you will be a safer partner than 90% of the population. Plenty of guys out there will understand this once they are educated. Don't be afraid to check out everything available to you on this site. Participate in the forum. You are not alone in this world, trust me.

[WCSDancer2010]

@NeedToKnow

 

Hello and Welcome..

 

First .. @ihaveittoo is right - your love life is not ruined, and we have TONS of success stories (most with H- partners) on here to prove it. FAR more than the unsuccessful stories in fact. I know it may seem impossible now, but H will only affect your love life negatively most of the time if YOU buy into the shame and allow the virus to run your life.

 

As for the legality issue ... I think there are 13 states that allow legal action if the person KNOWINGLY passed it on. So yes, you need to consult a lawyer in your state to get the scoop on what you can do. However, I'm guessing it would be hard to prove intent in this case, IMO ......

 

Do remember that you will need proof... so if he is telling you the truth and he was H- *in his last test before you had sex*, that will be proof enough of his "ignorance". He could well have picked it up in between that last test and your dalliance and he might not have known it.

 

A lot of people are also incorrectly advised by their Dr's that if they are not having an OB they can't pass H on, so there are many who do not disclose and who just avoid sex during OB's and think that is enough...and it's not their fault that they were given incorrect info . It's wrong and we are working to change that but it is what it is :(

 

Jail time? Doubt it. Compensation? Maybe. Lots of drama, stress, pain, and negative energy flying round. You bet.

 

Get legal advise if you must, but IMO, this would just add to your angst and anger and will keep you from moving on for a lot longer.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[whitedaisies]

I know you are mad now, but Dancer is right, you may think suing someone will make you feel better but it actually won't. It will take you down a long road filled with bad energy and will slow down the healing process. Just my opinion, but sex comes with risks and no one likes that we have herpes, but sometimes its like buyer beware.....

 

Good luck to you. All the best in your healing.

[whitedaisies]

He could very well not have known or been misinformed.

 

Or he could have known....and if this is the case, I would read all the posts you can on how difficult it is for people to disclose they have herpes to their partners or potential partners. People are filled with turmoil over it and himm and haww for days...worried about how people would judge them. Reading these posts may give you empathy and realize, even if he did know (and I don't condone him not telling u), it takes a lot for a person to reveal this secret about themselves. Empathy may help you heal too.

[NeedToKnow]

Thank you all for your feedback. I'll take your words into consideration.

[Blueskygirl]

I contracted HSV2 two years ago and was devastated. This was a guy I had known before and we hooked up one time. I believe my giver didn't disclose because he acted shady after we had sex and lied to me about other things. I called a personal injury attorney and asked him if I would be able to subpoena the guy's medical records to see if my giver knew he had herpes.

 

The attorney said it would be very difficult to win this case because of HIPAA laws and privacy. He said I could sue the guy and try to get it paid through renter's or homeowner's insurance (instead of his personal assets). The reality is that I would spend thousands of dollars on an attorney and not even win $1. Another option he mentioned would be small claims court but it would be difficult to force this guy to show up in court since I wouldn't be using an attorney.

 

My friends also brought up that if my giver had his own attorney, his lawyer would tear me up in court. My sexual history would be put on trial for a jury. They would argue that I had sex with other men and got it from someone else and possibly dig up information on my former dates and ex-boyfriend. We live in a world where a woman's sexual behavior is judged more harshly than a man's - unfair but it's true.

 

I'm sorry for what you happened to you but if you file a lawsuit, as whitedaises said, it will continue the hurt. Good luck and ((hugs)).