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I did it. Cautiously optimistic.

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So, I finally talked to the guy I've been seeing for five weeks. I did a lot wrong.


We had planned to spend the day together yesterday, so I decided I would tell him before he left. At the moment we live kind of far from each other and it's an ordeal for him to see me on the weekends (he works near where I live during the week). So, it's been difficult to find a time to just sort of drop in and have the discussion, since I have nowhere to "drop in".


Anyway, yesterday was a great day and I just couldn't figure out a way to bring it up. Then we went back to my apartment and spent the night making out/cuddling. Then when he was at home this morning we were texting and he made a comment about how he knows I need to move slow but he's afraid of doing anything sexual at all with me. So then I said I would tell him the next time I saw him and he decided to come in today to hear the news.


So I met him downtown and we went to a park and I had written everything down in a letter in case I couldn't say it, and I couldn't say it. I cried and told him I had something to tell him and it wasn't a huge deal, but I was afraid he might think it was a huge deal based on some jokes he has made. I said I had written everything down because I didn't want to pressure him into responding a certain way.


Then I gave him the letter and I hugged him and I said I was going to walk around but I wouldn't go home in case he wanted me to come back (he was really worried about that), and then I left. In hindsight this was probably really stupid.


So, after a few minutes he texted me, "please come back." I went back and he hugged me and said he thought it might be something like this. Then he told me I have the worst luck, and it really sucks, but he didn't want to stop seeing me, so he would figure out how to deal with it. And I said that I really appreciated that and if there was anything he needed from me to just let me know.


So, then he apologized for making all the herpes jokes. Then he said, "so this is why you have been so weird about sex." and I said, "yep." And then he asked me what I needed from him to get to a place where we could have sex and I said, "well now that you know we could do it now if you wanted" (I was joking) and he said, "ok...I kinda do." So then we went back to my apartment and had (protected) sex. It was nice. He didn't go down on me, and I wouldn't have expected him to, but I haven't had sex since my diagnosis, and it was really nice to feel wanted again.


I am of course now afraid he will change his mind, freak out, actually *get* herpes from me (after I explained the low transmission rates), or something else will go wrong. I'm still in totally uncharted territory and I'm still very confused and afraid but at least he was willing to stick around for now.

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Thank you guys :) We're still talking...and it doesn't really feel like anything has changed except that now sometimes he asks questions about this (which is good, I want him to do that).


He apologized for the jokes like five times last night. At first he was just like, "oh god, I was such an ass" and then later he was like (I guess remembering other things he said), "and I was talking about having to take valtrex in college! Why didn't you just tell me to shut up?" And then last night he sent me this really long text message about how he would never say something to hurt me and he felt so bad for saying all those things, etc. So, hopefully he has a different perspective now.


I really, really want this to work out, but even if it doesn't, it taught me a lot. Because this is a guy who sees herpes as being something pretty terrible, and I can tell he hasn't changed his mind about that. But, even though he thinks it's a bad thing, he 1. still wanted to take a chance by sleeping with me and 2. is more worried about how it's affecting me/what I've been going through than how it's going to affect him (which worries me a little bit because we still need to be cautious).


Anyway, we've been talking all day and I'm seeing him later, so hopefully things will keep going well. I am worried about a lot of other stuff (mostly about him getting this - I am really scared of that), but at least now I'm not walking around with this secret, which was driving me crazy.


This forum is really the reason I told him; I would have broken up with him and just stayed alone a lot longer because I really couldn't believe that someone could see past this, and you guys gave me the courage, and I'm really grateful for that.



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