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Newly Diagnosed with HSV2

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Hello all. I was diagnosed last week with HSV2. I was shocked, I seriously had no clue. I'm 39 years old, married and have been in a committed relationship for the last 10 years. My husband said some pretty negative things, and I just let him. I feel like I've been hit by a bus, Flu like symptoms and all that jazz. I don't feel like arguing over this. There's no blame, only dealing with it. Right?


Anyway, I have been dealing with some heavy emotions since my diagnosis. I hope it fades with the symptoms... I just wanted to say hello, and thanks for this site; It's awesome to know I am not alone.


All my best to everyone here.

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Hi there, granola, and welcome to our lil herpes haven. ;)


I'm glad you're already at the stage of moving past blame. It certainly doesn't do any good for the truth of the matter that you have herpes. Blame and anger are initial stages of the healing process, which are part of denial. Some part of our brain believes that if we get angry enough or successfully place blame on someone else, then we magically won't have to deal with having herpes. So when we can move past that into accepting that this is what we have, then we can actually put that energy that would otherwise be funneled into anger/blame into healing and self-inquiry.


My take on what you've said so far? You're doing great. Heavy emotions are par for the course right after a new herpes diagnosis. (Heck, heavy emotions are par for the course in being a human being, but I digress ...) ;) And it sounds like you're letting yourself feel these heavy feelings. And allowing yourself to feel without self-judgment is healthy. That is healing. Just don't wallow in these emotions as absolute truth. Let them come and watch them go. Ride the waves. Get curious about what beliefs those emotions are coming from. Start asking yourself if those beliefs are true or if they're just manifestations that are trying to get you to believe negative things about yourself.


Here's a blog article I wrote with a thought experiment:



F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. So much of what gets tied up into the suffering that comes with herpes is our thoughts themselves. When we can start looking at the thoughts as the source instead of herpes, then our lives as a whole can change. We can use herpes as leverage to get us deeper into deeper healing of our relationship to ourselves. And that is a beautiful process.


I'm glad you're with us. And glad that you know that you're not alone.


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Hello and Welcome!


So, just a quick question ... does your hubby also have Herpes/has he been tested? I understand you don't want to argue about it and it's not entirely uncommon for someone to be in a committed relationship where one has it and their partner never gets it. I have a patient who had her first OB after 30+ years of marriage. And it definitely caused some ripples in their relationship.


If your hubby is H- and he's "blaming" or accusing you of anything, I suggest you ask him to go with you to your Dr and have them explain it all to him... tho I suggest that you use your OBGYN and not a family Dr as the "Lady Dr's" really see a lot of this and will know how to handle your hubby. ;)


I'm a 35+ yr veteran of H and I can tell you it really isn't a big deal once your body gets it under control... and that will happen a LOT faster if you are under less stress, so getting your hubby properly educated about H including the fact that you were with the 80% who are unwittingly carrying the virus may help you to process everything a bit faster :)


If he won't go, maybe you can print out the handouts on here so he can at least see some of the statistics for himself...


Handouts + disclosure e-book:




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Thanks for the positivity! I am doing well! I have noticed I seem to be in constant fear of everything leading to another outbreak! Seriously. I am working on it though.

No. My husband said he would not get tested, as he knows he doesn't have it. Unsettling and heartbreaking but it's his choice. Throws up a lot of red flags to me. Anyway, I am focused on me at this time. Yes. It's selfish. But, I need to love me right now. Thank you for sharing the F.E.A.R with me. It resonates! I thank you both for the reply. If I can be of any help, please don't hesitate!

And WCSDancer2010 (hugs)

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So many people are too afraid of finding out they do have H (even tho they may never have had symptoms) that they just would rather put their heads in the sand than face the truth.


And there is nothing wrong with you taking care of you. I hate to say it but I tell people all the time that H acts as a great Wingman.... you know what is going on in your life, but if your gut is speaking, at least give it the opportunity to speak, listen to it, and then do what is right for YOU ... it definitely isn't unusual for H to cause some major ripples when it shows up in a long term monogamous relationship ... AND, you can get through it. My client got her hubby to go with her to the Dr to explain it all, which helped them immensely, so I hope that even though your hubby is convinced he doesn't have it, that he will eventually at least go with you to have a Dr bring him up to date with the facts.


Whatever happens, we are here to help you through it... ok??



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  • 4 weeks later...

WSCDancer2010 - that is so true! I'm still working on taking care of myself and learning more about living with H ... It's strange but I'm learning.

I'm still floored by the reaction, but everything happens for a reason. It will either work out, or it won't. Either way, it will pass. I am glad I found this site and eternally grateful for your compassion.

Light and love

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