Here is some hope for anyone that has to DISCLOSE with someone

[itsgabby]

Hi, Im gabby. I am only 18 years old, Ive had sex with 7 people which now in hindsight is shameful but regret is something I don't indulge in. I found out 2 days ago I have gentile herpes. I have been having sex with one of my good friends

(him and only him for the past couple of months) that I've know for years. I thought my vagina was infected from getting a cut during rough sex as I thought it was just swollen (there weren't visible sores till now). so I went to the gyno to get it checked, my gyno asked if she could bring a student in with her for experience, not expecting to be absolutely devastated I said yes. The look on both their faces when they told me I had herpes will forever be burned into my memory. Anyways, after many tears, breaking the news to my mom and having to tell her a lot of things that no mother should have to hear, I had to face the fact I was going to have to disclose to my friend that I have been diagnosed with gential herpes.

 

His birthday was a couple of days ago and on the day of learning what I had contracted he was having a gathering at his house to celebrate. I was absolutely distraught just thinking about how I was even going to whisper the word herpes to him. He is known to be promiscuous so I believe I have contracted it from him but I didn't tell him that was what I was thinking. So I go to his house, start drinking, get drunk and he begins moving his hand up my thigh towards the hell storm going on in my panties SOOOOO, I took his hand and said "I need to talk to you and this isn't good... at all." He takes me over behind his garage. I tell him about the doctor and then "She told me I have herpes." His eyes widened and he was obviously in shock. I grabbed his face and said "We made the decision to not wear condoms, we cannot point fingers at who gave it to who and god knows you might not have it!" He was so understanding and told me "gabby, It doesn't change the fact that you are you. I appreciate you as a person and you are not in this alone." I told him I'd go with him to get him tested. He let me sleep at his house, he still told me I was beautiful and couldn't keep his hands off me even though I felt like a walking disease. It brought us closer. If I have anything to say to anyone learning they have any herpes, if you disclose to someone and they reject you, THEY AREN'T WORTH YOUR TIME! Think of it as they are saving you time as the relationship between you and said person would have not prospered into anything either way. You must be honest and the person you are telling must realize the level of comfort, courage, trust and caring motives that are behind what you are telling them. Tell them to at least be respectful towards you and not spread the word or act childish about a very serious virus. I hope you all find peace within yourselves as I am trying to now.

[WCSDancer2010]

@itsgabby

 

Wow! Someone so wise for being so young. Good for you. I've had H since I was 17 (got it on my first experience... whoo-hooo!) so it's nothing to do with promiscuity or whatever ... it's just plain losing the crap-shoot of sex. And good for you for not playing the blame game.

 

Now, here's a question for you. How were you diagnosed? Because if it was visual, it's not a proper diagnosis. They should have either done a swab (which if you had a "cut" may or may not give a good enough catch to be accurate and may come out negative... if it was positive then it's a pretty sure deal) and/or taken a blood sample (which won't be accurate until 4-6 months post-exposure). It will help you in the long run to know if you have H1 or H2 (because if your partner has one or the other, you will know if you need to protect each other from getting the one you don't have) as well.

 

Otherwise, you are handling this very well and it sounds like your friend is also being pretty good about it too .... the "young people" are often so mis-informed about Herpes and STD's in general that they can be cruel so it's refreshing to read about two people who get that H doesn't define either of you.

 

Welcome aboard! I hope you will be a regular contributor --- the younger folks here will be able to relate to you more than an old fart like me! LOL

 

(((HUGS)))

[moonrise]

Thanks for sharing your story, Gabby. You seem very wise and I appreciate your message.

[itsgabby]

Thank you @WCSDancer2010 !! I know it doesn't have to do with promiscuous behavior but he even said 'the things is, I probably gave it to you' so that kind of supports my theory although I don't care regardless. Should I tell him to get tested as soon as possible or should I tell him to wait it out? If he got it from me, which I am positive he has it considering we had sex the day before I got my first break out numerous times, wouldn't it take some time to show up in a test?

[itsgabby]

Also @WCSDancer2010 it is pretty evident it is H2, when I was first diagnosed, there weren't any sores. The skin just appeared to be raw which I thought was from sex but my gland near my crotch was very sore, my labia was swollen at least double the size. The doctor seemed absolutely positive it was H. The day after sores began to appear and not only in the inside of my labia but also next to my vagina. She did get a culture done but I haven't heard back yet!

[whymegirl]

Thanks for sharing. What a great guy and friend.. or whatever he is! I had to laugh at the hell storm part.

 

And dont feel bad about how many partners you have had. Nothing wrong with that girl! I think I was around the same at 18. Sex is sex, something we all enjoy doing (responsibly).

[WCSDancer2010]

You can't tell the difference between H2 and H1 genital by visual diagnosis .... in fact, you just plain can't diagnose H by visual diagnosis period. Unless you had actual blisters, it's possible it could be yeast as well .... I used to get yeast infections and my labia would swell up a lot.

 

I would suggest he get tested period.... IMO anyone who is sexually active needs to have H included in their REGULAR STD testing .... if he comes out H- and you are H+, he will want to re-test in 4-6 mo. He could well have been carrying it and not known it. Or you may have had it and it sex somehow irritated the area enough to cause an OB. Did your Dr do a blood test? If one of you comes back H- and one H+ that will tell you who had it longer .... not that it matters tho whoever had it awhile would want to tell past partners to get tested :/

[itsgabby]

@WCSDancer2010 I read somewhere gential herpes is usually H2 that's why i am just 'assuming' so until i get my culture back. i have very severe blisters not only in the labia but around my vagina. The gyno said it was a "classic case of herpes". Also my guy friend just told me he looked at images online of herpes and said he had an outbreak a while ago thinking it was only ingrown hairs and brushed it off... which is now a little red flag for me that he could of been hiding this either out of denial or fear of my reaction /: so I'm almost positive at this point.. i have contracted it from him

[WCSDancer2010]

Sorry friend but HALF of the new cases of Genital Herpes are HSV1 *usually* from oral sex but with more and more people carrying it town there, genital-to-genital HSV1 transmission is not uncommon now. So while there's a good chance it's H2, I say assume nothing till you get the results.

 

And it's very very possible that he thought it was something else ... that's one of the reasons that 80% of the population doesn't know they have it. I was in that camp .. married over a year when my now ex hubby got it from me. His diagnosis was the light bulb for me that my heat rash was something else... as a Florida girl I just assumed it was from the heat and hormones :(

 

The "Good" news is now you will both know and you can take measures to protect any future partners ... get yourself educated at RELIABLE sources (Here, the CDC website, Westover Heights clinic, and MedHelp are my top 4 sources for most info) ... you can print out the info at the links below....check out the FAQs for regular topics, and watch the video that Adrial has made....the better educated you are, the more you can do to protect future partners ... which is more than the 80% of the unknowing population will be doing ...

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

 

Herpes facts video:

 

(((HUGS)))