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could use some help ... how long to find happiness again?

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First, I'd like to thank all of you who post your stories give support on this site, it's truly helped me over the past few weeks.

I was diagnosed with HSV-1 three weeks ago, and although my physical symptoms are mostly gone, I'm not doing so well. It's been three years since my mom passed and during that time I was in and out of depression.. I rarely dated, and never hooked up. Something changed this year, I started to feel like myself again.. I finally become happy, truly happy.. it was such a foreign feeling. I decided to make a move to DC this September which I've been contemplating for some time, I accepted a job there and will be closer to some of my family which I'm really excited about. I've been enjoying my last few months in my current city and really living it up, smiling all the time.. I've been happy. Until four weeks ago when I hooked up with (did not sleep with) someone I'd recently met. I thought I was fine, I'm in my 30s and I never do this.. I'm an independent woman. And it actually felt good... I was still happy. Until I got the diagnosis. I'm now having a really hard time finding any happiness again. I feel very isolated and lonely. I have two people whom I've told and are wonderfully supportive, but I'm so scared to move to a new city. I had prepared myself for being lonely when I arrived, I knew it would take time to meet people and create a network.. but now I feel lonely before I've even left, I feel completely isolated and I'm afraid of compounding that in a new city where I know no one (aside from my family 40 mins away) and will be living alone. Is this a bad time to make this move? how long until I feel that happiness again? Does life ever go back to normal?

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Hello and Welcome!


First off, you are having a very normal reaction to your diagnosis ... sadly because of the way that STD's (and Herpes in particular) is dealt with nowadays, people seem to think that the end of the world has come with their diagnosis. Nothing could be further from the truth.


First off, you have HSV1 - like 80% of the population. Unfortunately, because of the lack of testing, 80% of people have no idea they have it (orally or genitally) ... but the "good" news is, as it were, that you are very likely to meet plenty of men who at least have the Oral herpes ... which means they have at least *some* immunity to the virus.


Should you move? Sure? Why not? If anything you will be so busy moving you will not be able to think/obsess 24/7 about H. You won't already have friends who may "talk" ... you can pick and choose who you let into your inner circle and use H as your Wingman (If you don't feel you can entrust them with this info, do you REALLY want them as friends?).


Will life get back to normal? Heck yes! We just started a new category for us Old Timers and I hope that we can get a bunch of us to post our stories there .. as a 35 yr veteran I can tell you that I'm more scared to "disclose" my fat thighs and flabby stomach to a guy than I am concerned about his reaction to H. I know it sounds crazy but I can deal with a guy walking over an STD better than I can about my post-menopausal pudge :p


Keep an eye on the new Veterans category ... and check out the links below to help you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise, life DOES go on ... but you have to CHOOSE at some point to stop the fear, worry, and obsessing and to accept that life sometimes throws you curveballs .... but that doesn't mean you can't hit them out of the park ;)






http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )


http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3546/watch-this-now-the-prison-of-your-mind- Sean Stephenson Prison Ted Talk


Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk “You are only as Sick as Your Secrets
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Thank you so much for writing back @WCSDancer2010. You are truly so kind for taking the time to help me. The links you suggested were really wonderful. I look forward to someday (hopefully soon) being as accepting of this and strong as you, and so many on here are. I think it will just take time. You did make me feel better about the move, thank you so much!

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I'd just like to say this is a great post and that video was phenomenal. It reminds me of when I first came out to my best friend at her birthday party lol surprise surprise!! we both were pretty well and drunk and we went into the restroom nd gosh it felt like we were in there forever and I said bailey.. I need to tell you something and we both started crying of course I had started it lol well I told her.. I said bailey I have herpes and I've never felt so alone in all my life. I told her I felt like giving up and throwing in the towel for good. and she looked at me and laughed thru her tears and told me that she had a secret as well. she didnt have herpes but something else and we both ended up laughing and going on about our evening. It does get better.. It does get easier.. me and her no longer speak and it hurts more than anything but you know what? You've got to be optimistic. after rejoining the forum I feel like I belong. I still need to go out and be social but hey. I'd say this is a damn good start.. Thank you for this post and for that video. It was super uplifting <3

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