Another discloser..

[aimee]

So my last relationship ended in March (not because of H but other issues) he was my 2nd discloser since I was diagnosed with HSV2 in Oct. 2012.

 

I've now met someone new, who says the nicest sweetest things to me...his words are spoken from his heart...

and he is melting my heart...

The connection we have is amazing and all we've shared so far is alot of really sweet kisses.. awesome conversations and lots of laughter...

Everything seems so very comfortable...I've told him I want to wait until we get to know one another better before having sex as I just can't jump into anything too quickly as I grow my trust for him....and he's totally ok with that...he doesn't want to rush me....he's guessed that I had been burned and he's told me that " I'm worth the wait" ....OMG!!

 

But then there's the thought that is always in the back of my mind whenever I think of him:

How long should I wait before I tell him?

 

He told me last night that he is "so good with where we are at right now" ....and I am too.

This was never me in the past...and never have I met anyone that was not trying to persuade me in to the bedroom on the first date.

I'm excited and of course nervous ...I feel like I don't already have a couple of disclosers under my belt....shouldn't this get easier?

 

aimee

[whitedaisies]

Well, being really vulnerable to someone and exposing your "secret" can be difficult. So don't beat yourself up about that.

 

First of all, can I say "congratulations for having 2 disclosures already....that's really wonderful that you can do that and says a lot of positive things about you as a person".

 

The fact that he hasn't tried to persuade you into bed is a good sign this person thinks more of you than just sex....so I would use that as your motivation to move forward when you are ready.

 

Good luck. I hope it turns out well for you.

[aimee]

Awww thank you whitedaisies for your support...I've never thought of 2 disclosers as a positive thing? but I guess if you look at it from that perspective....even tho the first one did not go well.

 

I"m really ok when it comes to having H as I've come to terms with it some time ago as I process things fairly quickly.....its just when it comes to disclosing...everything is all fine until I think of it and then that heaviness comes over me and reminds me...oh ya and there is that.

But from what I've seen so far of how he has treated me I'm hoping it will go well.

[whitedaisies]

It is definitely positive, whether they go well or not!!! So pat yourself on the back there!

 

Yes, disclosing again is a little bit of a reality check to remind you, oh, it's time to get vulnerable again, it's time to put it all out there, and I am uncomfortable because I don't know what the outcome will be. But sometimes we have to embrace the uncertainty so we can move forward and realize that without risk, there is no reward so to speak.

 

I hope it goes well for you too....we all want great sex! And great sex with a wonderful partner who accepts us for who we are and what we have....I hope he is that person for you and if he isn't, there's plenty of men out there, and one will realize how special you are.

 

Dating is like an interview process, a test drive if you will to find the perfect Prince Charming so think of failures as a step closer to success.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[aimee]

Thanx whitedaisies :)

 

From what I've seen so far he is amazing...I just hope the big "reveal" goes well....just not even sure when I should tell him? but I will keep you posted.

[WCSDancer2010]

This was never me in the past...and never have I met anyone that was not trying to persuade me in to the bedroom on the first date.

 

THAT says a whole lot - both about who he is, but also about how YOU are choosing potential partners.... so congratulations on your huge growth there!!!

 

I had a real Aha! about a week about about disclosure. You see, we ALL of us have things that we are not happy about ourselves, that we "hide" from a potential partner (or friends, for that matter) but that at *some* point will need to be faced ... and these things may make the other person react in a positive way (it doesn't change who you are to them) or a negative way (they choose to end your relationship).

 

Herpes is just one of many things that we may be afraid to disclose to another .... but it can also give us a HUGE opportunity to grow, both in ourselves and in our relationships.

 

When you realize this, disclosures lose their power over you. Check out my blog on the subject ... I hope that it will help you to take your power back around telling a partner about not only your H status, but anything else that may be holding you back from being able to be fully authentic and vulnerable with this new guy :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

 

(((HUGS)))

[aimee]

Awesome blog Dancer!

and it really put things into perspective...as I too prolly have to lose 20lbs but I don't put alot of focus on that...and the men that I've met have accepted me and even told me I'm beautiful as I am and some have even used the word "stunning".....un-like disclosing...but yes we all do have our "stuff" that we don't want to disclose until we absolutely have to, regardless of what it is?

 

The part of your blog that really spoke to me was when you said:

"the sooner we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open up to disclose that part to another, the sooner we will know if they are meant to be in our lives."

Ah yes, there it is like a slap in the face but so very true and why not find out sooner rather than later?

Its just finding that opportune time and letting those words flow from your mouth.

 

I will keep you posted.

[WCSDancer2010]

EXACTLY!

 

I just dated a guy who decided not to continue seeing me. Part of his thing was he said I talked about my ex too much. Thing is, my ex and I are strong co-parenters and good friends and if a guy can't deal with that fact (I only spoke for about 20 min in a positive manner, letting him know that my ex and I are active with our kids together ... and that both my ex-BF's even spent Christmas with our whole family.. so I need *that* kind of guy) then he's not a good match for me.

 

Personally I think that the fact that I had that weight to lose was part of it (from something he had said earlier) because I forced myself to wear something on the second date that "disclosed" enough for him to have an idea of what I am dealing with (I'm VERY good at finding clothes normally that covers the area and accentuates my curves and such so that it's usually not as apparent). I liked him a lot so it hurt to be "rejected" ... even just typing about it is making me have the "rejection knot" in my stomach ... but I know that it's just an automatic physical reaction and that this guy was not the one for me if he couldn't see beyond those things and want to date who *I* am.

 

His loss.... ;)

[whitedaisies]

Well I would say he is very insecure with himself to not feel comfortable and confident enough to be with a woman who has such healthy relationships with her exes.

 

Definitely he is not for u!!!! Who wants a guy who is going to be insecure the whole time. There's enuff to deal with.

 

U need a strong, self aware, mature man. He's out there!