Help, want to disclose but don't know when is the right time

[Highdef23]

I have recently started dating someone new and need to disclose, I have dated in the past but never disclosed to a guy, only my mom and best friend know. I was sort of still in denial. But now I am 23 and feel like it is time I tell this guy. We have only known each for 2 months but since we met we have been inseparable. I can tell he likes me but I don't want to tell him too soon but not too late either. It is very difficult for me because we are in the same friend group (met him through my roommate) we are also pretty exclusive, all our friends know we are dating. We have been intimate and have lots of sleep overs but no sex. We have taken that aspect of the relationship very slow and he never tries anything. I want to tell because I know I need to but I am very afraid to lose him and how it will go over if he is not ok with it since we hang out with the same people now. Please help, any advice would be great!!

[WCSDancer2010]

I answer this question all the time and the answer never changes: you disclose when its right for YOU ... as long as it's before you get intimate (and preferably not when you are in a compromising position and the hormones are raging and the brain isn't functioning ;) )

 

If you can trust this person with your soul ... that you feel you can be fully vulnerable with him, THAT is the time to tell him. If you fear that he would tell all your joint-friends, well, is that someone you would want to be with anyway???

 

I wrote 2 blogs about disclosure that may help you ....

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

 

Bottom line: Do it when you are ready. There is no "right time, except when it's right for YOU

 

If you want some encouragement/ideas of how to approach it, check out the Success Stories on here ... we have a TON of them here!

 

(((HUGS)))

[whitedaisies]

Well, I haven't done the disclosure thing yet, so you can totally disregard my advice, but from someone who wants to see you succeed....I would say, still your mind and heart for a few days and then listen to your inner voice....maybe this is a type of meditating.....I dunno.....but I know I have a really good inner voice but sometimes I choose to ignore her for whatever reason; but if I listened to her all the time throughout my life; I would be at a heck of a better place than where I am now.

 

So I would say, that is the best advice I can give and I hope that when/if you choose to disclose, it will be a freeing experience for you. And if you need more time before you get intimate, then you need more time to help your inner voice make that decision; be patient. If he is not pressuring you for sex then you are in the driver's seat so that's a good thing.

 

Good luck

[Highdef23]

@wcsdancer2010 and @whitedaisies

Thank you so much for the advice and support, it means a lot I am so glad I found this website. its not necessarily I am afraid he will tell our friends just that it will be awkward if he rejects it and we all of a sudden stop dating for no reason...

 

Part of me is ready to have to sex with him because I like him a lot but I am just too chicken to tell him just yet, I can't seem to work up the courage. I think my inner voice is telling me to wait a tad longer but who knows it may slip out soon, I hate holding this in.

 

Again thank you so much for the support.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

it will be awkward if he rejects it and we all of a sudden stop dating for no reason...

 

That would happen with or without H. Many new relationships hit a "sticking point" and end suddenly when one or the other (or both) realize that something is just plain not workable for them. ;)

 

Check out these Success Stories ... maybe they will help you to get up the courage when the time is right ...

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3453/proper-vocabulary-i-have-herpes-vs-im-a-carrier-of-hsv blueeyes… ending 8 yr dry spell from terror to elation

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3736/disclosed-to-the-guy-i-like-on-the-first-meeting Helzbelz88

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3744/its-just-a-thing- dudereally

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3337/i-did-it-and-i-am-ok- Murbs

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2921/met-a-new-guy-and-have-a-few-concerns-not-ready-to-tell-him-i-have-herpes inspired 32

[WCSDancer2010]

Latest Blog post

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/

[Highdef23]

Hi everyone!! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update on this, I have been super busy. I finally disclosed a few days after I made my first post...

 

I took the "its not big deal" approach and led with i really like and care about you and feel like i need to be completely honest with you before we get anymore serious. I told him all the facts. He had a very worried look in his eyes and put his hand on my leg for support. Then i told him and fought back my tears (never cried!!!!) i was so scared and shaking so much the whole thing came out very scatter brained. He interrupted me a couple of times with kisses and when it was all done he just hugged me so hard and held me and was mainly just concerned if i was okay. I asked if he had any questions he had a few so i answered them. He said i did the right thing in telling him and he was very glad i did and it didn't change a thing. We cuddled whole night. He said the worst thing about it was how much i would worry about things changing and he was right. The next day he sent me the sweetest text telling me that he still really liked me and it still didn't change anything and not to worry, and that he decided it wasn't a big deal and didn't want that interfere with us. He was right nothing has changed if anything we are closer. A week later he invited me to dinner with his mom and little sister. it has now almost been two weeks and everything is great. i feel so much better knowing this weight is off my shoulders and someone still really likes and cares for me. i have been on cloud 9 ever since. i feel so silly for thinking that i would never find someone to accept me. I thank everyone who commented and supported me on my first post it really helped give me the confidence.

 

I hope this helps someone else as well!! It doesn't define you and the right person will accept you no matter what :) Be confident!

[whitedaisies]

Oh sooo happy!!!!

 

Glad u are basking in the sun!!!

 

Enjoy

 

Lots of hugs

[WCSDancer2010]

YAY! So happy for you! Another Success Story!!! Whooohoooo!

[moonrise]

Great story :)