I Am Being Punished

[ashley030389]

I gave my partner my virginity and he gave me herpes. I don't understand why this happened to me and I ask God every time I start feeling depressed. There's people who have had hundreds of sex partners and nothing ever happened to them! But I did it once and now I have an STD for life. How is that fair?! What man is going to want me now? I'll have to tell every guy I date and probably be judged by them. And my parents!!! If they ever found out they would disown me. I feel like I'm being punished and it's just not fair. What makes it worse is I really fell for this guy and I don't think he cares. So now I have herpes, no man and a broken heart. So what do I do?

[whitedaisies]

U r not being punished!!!! None of us are. We just lost the std game. Lots of people on here lost it on their first sexual experience. Some didnt even have sexy they were virgins and had oral sex only and got hsv1.

 

U will get thru this. U are young...u have lots of time to figure this out. Be patient with yourself. I went thru sthng similar dealing with heartbreak and herpes. The heartbreak will go away and the herpes comes and goes and hopefully u will be able to forget.

 

For now u have to trust te healing process and do all u can to help urself.

 

Hugs

[WCSDancer2010]

@ashley030389

 

This has NOTHING to do with God. It has nothing to do with you being punished. It's all to do with losing the crap-shoot of sex.

 

Outside of a 100% committed, monogamous relationship where both partners enter with proven STD results (meaning they are taken after the 4-6 month period it takes for many to show up), there will always be be a risk that you will get *something*.... and I promise you, those people who have many partners likely HAVE caught at least one STD along the way...but many can be cleared up with antibiotics so you will never know.

 

On top of that, you just joined the 1 in 5 or 6 people who have Herpes. So when you next go out, look around you.... try to figure out who the people are with H. I can promise you, if you were put in a room and told to guess who had it, odds are you would get many of them wrong. Herpes is an equal opportunity virus. It's doesn't care if you are a virgin (we have had girls on here who got HV1 from oral sex) or a sex worker. It doesn't care if you are old or young. Rich or poor. All it cares is to get passed to the next person. And our medical system isn't helping. We are poorly informed and untested unless we ask for it but allowed to believe that asking for "everything" in our STD tests includes H. There are several of US who got H on our first sexual experience (I got it that way too) .... and it has NOTHING to do with "punishing" us. We just got unlucky and we were perhaps a little gullible.

 

Lesson to take from this? LIFE ISN'T FAIR. You just take the knocks and do the best you can to overcome them.

 

What man is going to want you now? A man who is compassionate and realizes that a little virus doesn't define YOU. We have TONS of stories in the "Success Stories" section here of discordant couples (one H+, one H-). In fact, many report they are finding BETTER partners because they have to really take their time getting to know them before they disclose. ANY man who "judges" you doesn't deserve to be in your life and you don't want them. If they CHOOSE to not take the risk, that is fair enough ... if they do it with judgement, well, there's one word for them.... NEXT!

 

As for your parents... well, I would hope they would not disown you. Perhaps they would be disappointed if your beliefs are that you *must* save yourself for marriage, but parental love IMO should be unconditional. And that means even when we as parents do not approve of or support our adult children's decisions and mistakes, we STILL are there for them. I can't tell you if you should talk to them or not ... but do know that whether they support you or not, it says NOTHING about who YOU are. No person, not even your parents, has anything to do with what you are. If they find out and are upset/mad/whatever, that is THEIR issue.

 

What makes it worse is I really fell for this guy and I don't think he cares.

 

You are still a beautiful person and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You may have made an error with who you had your first experience with, but there are people here who got it from a "trusted" partner/spouse, from rape, or from someone who had no idea they had it. You may not see it right now, but H may have done you a favor. You found out that this guy is a jerk before you were far more invested in him. You had something happen that required for him to step up and be there for you, and he failed. Why would you want anyone like that in your life? I say Herpes can be our Wingman... it certainly helped you to see this guy for who he is ... you may have gained a virus but you got rid of someone who potentially could have emotionally harmed you MUCH more.

 

Keep reading here friend. Go to the Success stories and the Inspirational sections and read all you can. YOU have a CHOICE of how to deal with this.... see it as a challenge and a lesson to learn, or let it defeat you and be your excuse for all your future "failures". For now, you don't have to make that choice.... you are still very new to the whole thing and you need time to adjust to how you will live with it ... but take it from me ... YOU get to choose how you will live with it. I'm willing to bet that you will rebound and be just fine. Be patient with yourself. Time heals all wounds .... it also brings us life lessons. Give yourself time to learn what you need to take away from this experience :)

 

(((HUGS)))