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So incredibly lost

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I just found out a few days ago that I have herpes and probably from my boyfriend... I know everyone here has been through this but I don't know how this guy is going to react when I tell him, I don't know how to tell him, I don't know how I feel about anything. My best friend said I was being weirdly ok about finding out but I know there's nothing I can do to change it. I am having my first OB and it sucks. I am scared. I'm scared of people finding out, scared that I'll lose the guy I fell in love with, and scared because I know nothing will ever be the same.

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I REALLY have to get to bed ... I'm going to come back to this in the morning, but I wanted to send you a (((HUGS))) and tell you to BREATHE and you will be fine. I have had Herpes 35 years, and my life is just fine ...Herpes has been a nuisance at times, but in reality it's barely been a blip on my timeline.......


Glad you found us ....we'll help you through this :)



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I know I've always gotten cold sores and I'm really not worried about those, I've only gotten one in the past 15 years. But this is devastating to me. I didn't mean that my life was over, but this will definitely change my life. I will have to have awkward convos with any future partners and I'll have to be more careful... Idk what to expect at all.


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If he in fact gave it to you, it's more than possible he didn't know he had it. Most people don't. Ideally, he should educate himself, get himself tested, and be an active supporter of you in this. If he isn't, well then maybe you'll end up dodging a bullet. I'm in my first relationship (with intimacy) since my diagnosis (except for the one I was in with my giver). I told him, threw down some stats and facts, and he has determined he and I are worth the minimal risk and minor inconvenience. He's moving to Germany (tomorrow) and will be there for three years (Army). We've got bigger problems to hurdle than a skin condition. And that's all it is. It seems worse in the beginning because initial outbreaks SUCK but I promise, in time, you'll find them fewer and farther between and barely even noticeable. Use this time to get to know your body and read the signals and utilize the advice and handouts here. You'll be ok!

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Hi there,

You seem to be very grounded in the reality of the situation, which is a good start. Although there is so much unknown, learning more, reading more and understanding more will help you come to terms with everything. Try your best to keep a positive attitude about everything, because in the grand scheme of life, having herpes is not the end of the world. In your moments of weakness and doubt, I encourage you to try to put things into perspective and think of those who are suffering to overcome far greater hurdles. That is not to say this is an easy pill to swallow, but just know that it doesn't change who you are in any way, and merely becomes an inconvenience once in a while. I hope you and your boyfriend sort this out together, and in the meantime, focus on all the wonderful things in your life. Hang in there, every day will get easier. :)

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As @Beautiful said ... you seem pretty grounded with this and that will be a huge bonus for you ... freaking out only increases your stress and Herpes LOVES stress..... the calmer you can stay, the better your body will handle it.


Keep getting educated ... I'm going to post some links for you below ... get to know the facts/stats .... the "awkward convos" are far less awkward when you know your full risks/status and are not guessing at answers to any questions someone has. And really, IMO if was just look at it that we are all ADULTS and treat it as an ADULT CONVERSATION, the "talk" just becomes something where we are starting the intimate part of our relationship with full on vulnerability and transparency ... which few people do nowadays... you can make it to be something scary and horrid, or you can create it to be a dialog where you are making a foundation for openness and honesty with someone who you care enough about to never want to have anything to hide from them. I say herpes is your "Wingman" ... (see link) ... it really will help you to get the negative people out of your life, if you are willing to let them go. ;)


We are here to help you to get through this ... you will be fine .... your mental attitude will go a long way in helping you to live with this pain-in-the-nether-regions virus .... and that pain lessens with time (some faster than others, but it very rarely causes a lot of issues after a few months to a year for most). I personally rarely get an OB and I have found what works for ME to get the little bastard back under control and send it packing to it's little nerve ganglion home, and you will too with time ;)




Handouts + disclosure e-book:





http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )







Herpes facts video



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