Things aren't working out

[Helzbelz88]

So things with the bf aren't working out for non H related reasons.

 

I know staying with a guy because he accepts I have H is not an option, and I find myself trying to work out if I'd be more sad without him or if it would be because I worry I won't find another guy that accepts me.

 

Obviously I guess if I'm at this point I probably already know the answer.

 

Just a bit down having a if it ends I might not find some one else moment.

 

Comment as you will, this is more of a sigh post than anything else.

[whitedaisies]

I sigh for you too!!!

 

You know the answer already BUT let it sit and resonate before you make any decision. Also have you spoke to him about your feelings?

 

Hugs and love

[Helzbelz88]

Thank you.

 

I have but the problem is his moods go from being fine one minute to angry and saying mean things to me then back to as if nothing just happened I should just move on even though he wasn't very nice to me.

Then when he sees I'm serious about not being treated that way he says everyone would be better off without him then I have to have the don't do anything stupid talk.

 

I don't know, H or no H I just don't have the energy for being treated like crap again.

We see each other once a week then maybe on the weekend, and I think I might just be better off single. I feel good about myself because of me and am happy apart from him.

 

Maybe my last relationship made me cold but I am quite happy being free to do my own thing and am happy with my own company.

 

Hope your okay @whitedaisies xx

 

[whitedaisies]

You are right....time to end it....BUT you have to decide if you want to help him seek help for some mental health issues. That's up to you....you are not obligated either way.

 

BUT yes, definitely not something you want to be dealing with constantly if you are not in love with the man

 

Good luck

 

I am ok at the moment. Lol. Thanks. Xo

[WCSDancer2010]

Just a bit down having a if it ends I might not find some one else moment.

 

You know we all have that feeling even without Herpes, right?

 

I have but the problem is his moods go from being fine one minute to angry and saying mean things to me then back to as if nothing just happened I should just move on even though he wasn't very nice to me.

Then when he sees I'm serious about not being treated that way he says everyone would be better off without him then I have to have the don't do anything stupid talk.

 

That is called controlling behavior ... from what you are saying it sounds like it's verging on (may actually be) a full on "cycle of abuse". Abuse doesn't have to be physical ... it can be emotional and/or verbal. Check this out to see if it resonates:

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e4/Cycle_of_Abuse.png

 

I don't know, H or no H I just don't have the energy for being treated like crap again.

We see each other once a week then maybe on the weekend, and I think I might just be better off single. I feel good about myself because of me and am happy apart from him.

 

Maybe my last relationship made me cold but I am quite happy being free to do my own thing and am happy with my own company.

 

This is actually healthy ... you KNOW what you need to so. Break the cycle friend. He is broken, but YOU can't fix him. He will continue to act in a way that will get the result he believes he deserves until he gets help ... if you know someone in his family, tell them what he is saying, and ask THEM to help him to get help. Let them know you are (or are thinking of) moving on and that you hope he will get help but that you are not in a place to get him to do it. That way if/when you step away, then you know someone has his back.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

 

 

[Helzbelz88]

Thanks Dancer.

 

That does apply - 3 and 4 definitely.

 

It becomes my fault for why he's angry or treated me that way. He doesn't apologise unless I seem like I'm going to break up with him. And if I leave him alone he'll come to me asking if I'm still grumpy - as if I had the issue.

 

Then it'll be that I was going on about something and I was pissing him off. If I don't address what's just happened he then goes on normal and will be surprised if I don't seem too happy. When I brought it up with him and addressed it he's told me to go F myself twice. He has diabetes so explains it as his moods change because of that and then his memory is bad so he forgets he's just been horrible to me.

 

He's trying to be really nice at the moment and is saying that it's been hard for him and because I'm busy at work and then sports after work he feels there is no time for him ( he is recovering from foot surgery) so he's kinda saying my absence is causing this.

 

Very Jekyll and Hyde to be honest

 

 

[Helzbelz88]

Thanks Dancer.

 

That does apply - 3 and 4 definitely.

 

It becomes my fault for why he's angry or treated me that way. He doesn't apologise unless I seem like I'm going to break up with him. And if I leave him alone he'll come to me asking if I'm still grumpy - as if I had the issue.

 

Then it'll be that I was going on about something and I was pissing him off. If I don't address what's just happened he then goes on normal and will be surprised if I don't seem too happy. When I brought it up with him and addressed it he's told me to go F myself twice. He has diabetes so explains it as his moods change because of that and then his memory is bad so he forgets he's just been horrible to me.

 

He's trying to be really nice at the moment and is saying that it's been hard for him and because I'm busy at work and then sports after work he feels there is no time for him ( he is recovering from foot surgery) so he's kinda saying my absence is causing this.

 

Very Jekyll and Hyde to be honest

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, perhaps this may help ... but maybe video record how he's acting (with your phone ... but don't tell him you are doing it) and show it to him. If he still blames you for everything, then I think you know what you need to do.... #2 IS occurring ... all the things you say he has said are #2 ... and #1 doesn't have to be a "long" spell. The fact that you know it's going to happen again is basically #1.

 

YOU can't fix this part of him. He needs help. If he's not willing to do that, you need to do what is necessary for YOUR physical and emotional health :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Helzbelz88]

Well that's done now.

 

Time to move on again.

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

(((HUGS))) friend.... learn the lessons ... so you know better next time.... he gave you a gift ... he taught you one more thing that you don't need to live with.... I find with every "failed" relationship I make better boundaries around the things that didn't work in the next relationship :)

[Helzbelz88]

Yeah it's ok, I used the last relationship to make the decision about this one too.

 

Better a few months and it ends than years of a mess to clean up.

 

Parents are happy too - funnily enough they were waiting for me to tell them this news. They always seem to know :p

Xx

[Helzbelz88]

Thanks lovely xx

[whitedaisies]

Happy u have such a great perspective and you are listening to your intuition.

 

Hugs and hugs and hugs

[Helzbelz88]

Thank you @whitedaisies

 

Hugs back xx

[seeker]

tis better to have loved and lost......

[seeker]

than to have to live with that fucking psycho the rest of your life