So i disclosed.....

[Sayyywhatt]

Everything was going good and we both liked eachother going on dates and laughing and flirting and taking things slow and idisclosed to him last night....pretty much long story short after 3 hours of texting about it last night and then talking to my brother this morning about it and my bro dated someone who has it and told me to tell the dude to hmu and talk to him about it and so itold the guy to talk to my brother....so he now doesn't want to continue cuz ihave H....ifeel so shitty about myself and ifeel dirty and feel like really emotional and crying.....Ihate this

[ShaeShae]

I'm in the same boat. Still dealing with the emotional roller coaster weeks later. It was my first disclosure since finding out I have it. I feel like a pile of filth even still. Does it ever get better? Can I ever disclose again? I don't know if I can expose such a vulnerable part of myself ever again if all it is going to get me is rejected. Today was not a good day for me. All day the words "I wish I didn't have this, I wish I could be normal" have been cycling through my head over and over again. I want to be normal again. The only advice I can give you right now is this: find somebody to talk to. An objective, unbiased listener. I have entered counseling since being rejected, in hopes that I can feel even the slightest bit less shame. I would look into it if I were you.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

I am really sorry both of you are going through this right now, and sorry that these guys have made the choice to walk away. However, please try to understand that their decision does not mean you are unworthy of love or a great relationship. It's a choice we all have and make in relationships; sometimes the deal-breaker is herpes, sometimes it's kids, sometimes it's smoking, sometimes it's distance, sometimes it's age or any other characteristic that we assign value to. I know this seems unfair, because you are likely thinking that if you didn't have this condition, things would have been different. But you don't know that... so don't beat yourself up and assume that; maybe there would have been something else.

 

The right guy will love and accept you regardless of any imperfection, and that does not only include herpes. We are all perfectly imperfect, and although you feel rejected now, one day, you will find acceptance. The right guy will see everything you have to offer, understand why you are truly special (cause there is no one on this planet just like you!!) and believe wholeheartedly that you are worth the very minimal risk. I know dealing with this rejection will not be easy; I faced it at the same time I was diagnosed, and the rejection was honestly harder to accept than the herpes itself. However, we can't magically make this go away, but we do have a choice... either dwell on the fact that you unworthy or tainted, or fight to remind yourself why you are so very worthy, and realize that in the end, they are missing out on someone truly amazing by walking away.

 

There is an opportunity here to grow, to love yourself more than anyone possibly can, to accept yourself fully, and yes, this is easier said than done. But every single time you choose to consciously alter those negative, self-defeating thoughts, to believe that you are beautiful, worthy and truly special, facing rejection will become easier. It will empower you to find validation and worthiness in yourself, and not from the decisions of others.

 

One more thing... I know you are hurting tremendously right now... but I like believe that the depth of our pain can only be equivalent to the depth of our joy. In other words, rejection hurts like hell right now, but acceptance, one day, will feel gloriously more potent than you can possibly ever imagine... and I think that's reflected in every positive disclosure story on here. You have that to look forward to one day, believe that.

 

Sending you both (and all those dealing with rejection) lots of love.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Just read this and thought it might also help...

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/6-mindful-ways-calm-mind-heal-heart/

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/fear-abandonment-know-your-worth/

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/youre-hurting-healing-give-break/

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey... take it from an old timer here .... any man who doesn't take the time to get educated after you have disclosed wasn't into YOU ... he wanted to GET INTO you. Promise. I am sure you have seen my posts on Herpes being a great Wingman but I'm going to put the links here again because I think you could really benefit from understanding that HOW a guy acts after disclosure tells you a lot about HIM ... and honey, his walking away in the way he did shows you this was not at all about you or herpes. He was looking to get laid, and anything more that you hoped would happen down the line is highly unlikely.

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

Now yes, you *may* eventually meet a man who you will disclose to, who will learn what he can about it and then who may still choose to not be with you, but again, that is his CHOICE. When a man contacts me through my online dating profiles, if I see he says he has kids, I ask how old. If they are not late teens/nearly independent, I RESPECTFULLY decline to continue getting to know him because I CHOOSE to not be in a relationship with someone with young kids (mine are all grown and I'm enjoying this phase). So try to see that as something that just makes you not the person for them, not as "proof" that you are dirty or whatever.

 

@Positive said everything else I would say ... but make sure to check out the two videos on here too ... I hope they will help you to see that every time you go through adversity, you have the CHOICE of how you approach it... I for one have learned from every single "failed" relationship ... and each time I know I get stronger and more clear about what I will and won't allow into my life, and better at selecting men who I may allow into my life :)

 

(((HUGS))) to you both ... you will get through this.

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2211/change-your-words-change-your-world