Just diagnosed .. Need help and support desperately!!

[Newbie]

Hi I've just had my first outbreak and it was agony and had to be hospitalised. I'm waiting for test to come back to see which type I am. I've had one sexual partner, he knew he was my first but I was aware I wasn't his first and I'm 19. We were safe and used protection but I still got herpes. I'm beyond upset. All I've done is research this online and I'm well aware of how this Sti won't be a physical problem however psychologically alls I can think about us how no guy my age r for the next few years will ever want to be with me and take the risk. I know it's extremely low at 1% with condoms and anti vitals and it's more likely they'll get it from someone who is isn't aware they have it. However I live in Ireland and I notices this website a lot of the people r American and I feel like the stigma isn't as strong there and I've also read a lot if the success disclosures stories but yet again I feel like the people are a lot older and r American where people r more liberal ... Please help me I'm really struggling with this and feel like a huge amount of possible happiness has been taken away from me

[canadianflyguy]

Hey there, I just contracted it almost the exact way you did. I used protection and everything and still I got it! But trust me, when I say that you will find somebody I mean it, just never give up. I can relate to you because I got it this year at the same age as you. Though I was drunk and made a bad call with a girl I shouldn't have. But even through that bullshit I can assure you that people will want you. As a matter of fact, from the stories on here it actually brings people closer. If you want someone to go through this with, i'd be more than happy to be your support.

Cheers!

[WCSDancer2010]

@Newbie

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

One of the best things that you can do right now is to keep coming on here and getting support while you adjust to your "new normal". I got H at 17 (my first experience as well), but it was back in the days of the dinosaurs (1970's!) when noone knew what it was. I got married to an Englishman not knowing what was causing this "rash" and ultimately (about a year later) gave it to him. He was upset but mostly because he got the Flu symptoms (I had not got them) which really dragged him down.... but otherwise he barely blinked and we were married 20 years before we divorced for other reasons.

 

Yes - you will likely find the stigma is a LOT less there. We got all your Puritanical outcasts here and sadly we are still suffering from their influence :(

 

We have a number of younger folks on here who have found partners who are loving and accepting of their H status ... so you CAN find love ... and there are some who are also have one nighters on a regular basis. The trick there is to NOT take it personally if the person chooses to not take the risk.... but many who engage in one nighters on a regular basis KNOW there is a risk anyway and if anything, they appreciate that this person is doing what they can to not pass it on because they KNOW they have it. So however you pursue your relationship/sex life, know that you CAN have a very normal life with Herpes.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[New_Moon]

Hi Newbie, I'm a older than you (34) but I'm from Scotland and can tell you that I've told two guys since my diagnosis and both accepted me. One was four years younger and wasn't serious about us and although surprised when I told him he really wasn't bothered about it. I'm still with the second one :) It's just a cold sore below the belt after all. You'll get great support from everyone here so keep talking and we will get you through it :)

[Newbie]

Thanks for all the comments guys.. Is not that I'm looking for a relationship or desperately wanting one it is just when I found out the first thing that came to my mind is that I couldn't. I guess is just that b4 I caught this and got educated about it I know what my perception would have been. I guess I'm just really struggling to believe someone as young as me will be understanding r want to take the risk when they can simrply be with someone else whose clean..

Also @dancer I'm slightly confused by your comment, did you mean the stigma less r greater in America compared to Ireland

[WCSDancer2010]

The stigma is greater in America ...our Puritanical forefathers left us with some real sexually negative ideas and beliefs that still infiltrate our society today :(

[ann122]

Hi Newbie, I'm only 23 and got my diagnosis this year as well. It sucks and I know its hard not to drown your thoughts in that whole "who would ever want to date me" thinking but you really have to look past it. It takes time to think positive but there are enough success stories on here that show that someone WILL ABSOLUTELY want to date you. You will have other relationships, just cross that bridge when it comes. Sorry to hear you're going through this, its really really tough in the beginning. But we're all here for you going through the same thing so don't forget that!

[ivoryrain]

Hey there! I'm sorry you're having a rough time!

 

I was just diagnosed about a month ago; I'm 19 as well. America still thinks sex in general is taboo, so I wouldn't be too sure about less stigma :P Honestly, anyone who is worth having sex with, won't care. I haven't tested the waters as I am in a committed relationship, but something tells me that at least half of guys who understand the basics of H won't care. Just present the facts with confidence and try to always be positive. I know that the first few weeks are an emotional roller coaster, but putting things into perspective can really help (i.e. it's just a skin condition, many people have it, etc)