Success, encouragement and advice needed.

[Reachout2014]

Hello Everyone and Happy New Year!

 

I don't know where to begin truly, so I apologize if this sounds like word vomit, so a month ago I was talked into trying the online dating route of action in order to meet people. I of course, was hesitant and felt sort of bad about doing it but I had decided to give it a go. I struggled with the idea of putting the fact they I am hsv2 positive on my profile. In the end I decided not to in fear that I might miss out on someone truly great if that's all they saw.

 

Anyway, a brilliant man reached out to me, I have been away from home for a few weeks for the holidays so it gave us plenty of time to talk. We've messaged, spoken on the phone and skyped. We have great chemistry and I couldn't be happier, however those first fwo weeks were rough. I just kept thinking, "wow he's really great but herpes,,,,what would he do if he knew...well he is studying nursing maybe it won't bother him.,,,or maybe it will...". It was enough to drive me a bit batty,

 

When we first started talking I told him I had three qualities in myself that I don't think are ideal that might turn him away.

1. Issues trusting, from passed relationships

2. My visual impairment (I'm completely blind in one eye, since birth)

3. The herpes

 

I didn't tell him about the herpes and he didn't pressure me into spilling the beans. He just reassured me that whatever it was he was certain it wouldn't turn him away from me. The pressure became too much and I didn't want to build false hope in myself so over the phone (I don't condone this for disclosure but, I've been long distance for weeks) I just told him. "I am a carrier of the hsv virus"! Immediately he said "it chsnges nothing". I asked him if he knew what it was and he said, "HIV, yeah I do". I then had a good laugh with him because I told him it was herpes not pre-aids. He was relieved but he asid, even it was that it wouldn't have changed things, He said, "you are a beautiful person, not anything you carry. It's just a skin condition, it's not going to kill me and if everything works out, which I'm thinking it will, will not make me want you any less"!!! I was floored..,I didn't think anyone would be able to deal with this, yes I was a nay-sayer but, I'm finally starting to get it. Herpes isn't going to ruin things for me. Honestly maybe its just helping me find the right people for my life.

 

Ok here comes the questions. I'm so scared of passing this thing on, I know it will be his choice as well should he sleep with me. I'm on the suppressives ( well started them again) and condoms will be a thing. Is there anything else I need to do or know about keeping him safe? Im guessing I'm doing things right and I plan on taking things slow. Just a little validation would be nice. I haven't been intimate with anyone since diagnosis so it makes me nervous but I am hopeful things will work out for the best. I hope, if anything, this gives the newbies some hope. Thank you all for the constant support!

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey Reachout, first of all, congrats on facing your fears and being courageous in your vulnerability!! I am kind of entertaining a long distance thing (unfortunately it is the nature of my living situation) and this has given me some hope that a long-distance disclosure won't be as difficult as it feels it might be. Anyways, I think as long as you gave him all the information up front, that you are taking every precaution, and that you stay aware of any symptoms or a potentially weakened immune system, then you should just enjoy this fully because you deserve the butterflies! You might be nervous and it might be difficult to wrap your mind around the intimacy at first, but take it slowly... no need to rush things... enjoy the process of developing the trust and intimacy. That will likely help you put your mind at ease. Enjoy every minute of getting to know this man!! :)

[WCSDancer2010]

First - I changes this to the Success Story category ... congratulations and well done on facing your fears!

 

I have been with 2 men since I was divorces for 3 yrs each ... one we used antivirals, the other we didn't...no condoms with either. The decision on the meds and condoms were their choice. Neither got H from me. The biggest thing is to get to know your prodromes and to be honest about what is going on for you. I for one take no chances with anything that *may* be a prodrome (tho I am sure most of the times I decline penetrative sex it was actually just a rub or ingrown hair) ... and I would find other way to play... which in the end made for mush deeper intamacy anyways ;)

 

TRUST HIM to be a big boy ... he can make his choices in life. Of course you don't want to pass h on to him...none of us would want that. BUT, at the same time, I don't want to hurt someone who is in a car with me, but we could have an accident. YOu could give him food poisoning but you will cook him dinner, because you will do what you can to keep him safe by using fresh food and good hygiene ... BUT, it *could* happen ... You see... there are many ways we could "hurt" another ... and all we can do is to try to do our best to take all precautions on our side of the equation :)

 

ENJOY this attention and let it sink in that you ARE worthy of love ... hell, he was willing to continue thinking you had HIV ... your Wingman (herpes) just showed you that this guy is truly into YOU .. and that he doesn't want to just "get into" you :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[jjjim15]

jjjim15 I have herpes on my face how can i hug or kiss anyone again whit out the fear of passing along the herpes.My wife is 18yrs younger than me.I have a sex addition and cheated.I,m in counseling now.She said she,ll work to keep us together.I a fraid to hold her.anyone out there have any advice.sorry about my spelling

[WCSDancer2010]

@jjjim15

 

I just replied to your discussion here:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5411/herpes-on-face