pregnant and just found out i have herpes

[clara_bow]

I just found out yesterday that I have herpes. I'm also 8 weeks pregnant. I was with my boyfriend for 15 months. I broke up with him 6 weeks ago because him and his 2nd wife decided to work out their marriage. Telling him I had herpes was the hardest thing I've ever done. Boy was I surprised when he said he thought the mistress he cheated on his 1st wife with gave him herpes. But he never got tested and continued to sleep with the 1st wife as well as several other women. Then he married his 2nd wife 20 years ago. He said he never told her because she never had any symptoms so he thought he was wrong. He still doesn't want to get tested or tell his wife.

I'm worried about what will happen to my baby. I'm 45 so this is already a high risk pregnancy. I'm scared to death about what could happen. Finding out I have herpes was a shock, but finding out while pregnant is just about too much for me to comprehend.

[MMissouri]

I hope you don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you're better off without him. He had a mistress and several woman with wife one and you with wife two?? He thinks he might have it but doesn't want to get tested or tell his wife AND he continues to sleep around. Terrible.

 

As for you, I would get myself a good ob/gyn. Since you are newly diagnosed and newly pregnant I would be diligent about good prenatal care. Have you had an outbreak or did you get tested?

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@clara_bow

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I have to agree with @MMissouri ... sounds like he's a selfish class one jerk who cares more about himself (and using ignorance as a cover) than he does about the women in his life...

 

So good news and bad news:

 

Bad news first: *IF* you acquired this very recently, then the risk to the baby is a little higher than it would otherwise be because you are still making antibodies.... If you have carried it awhile and just had an OB because of the stress of the pregnancy then you should be ok.

 

Good news: Women who have H have babies all the time and the babies are FINE. I had 2 beautiful girls - both now in their 20's ... never got it from me. You will want to find out the OBGYN's attitude towards delivering a woman with Herpes ... some insist that you have a cesaerean but I promis it's NOT necessary if you can control it with anti-virals (they will put you on them for the last month) ... I was scared into having a C-section for my first ... threw a fit when I was pregnant with the 2nd and got a new Dr who allowed me to deliver normally... so make sure to have that conversation about their protocols as early as poss and change Dr's if you need to until you are comfortable with who you get....

 

And don't worry about discussing it with them... they deal with this stuff All.the.time. ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[clara_bow]

I had what I now know was an outbreak several months ago. I thought i had just had a bad shaving accident and my boyfriend convinced me this was the case. The test that showed I have herpes was done as part of the normal tests my ob does on new mothers. I have perinatal specalists since this is a high risk pregnancy because of my age and past complications with my last baby. I prolapsed my bladder during labor and the baby was born with cysts on her ovaries. My current ob is very understanding about everything. Baby daddy on the other hand can't understand why I'm upset because he's lived with it for over 20 years with no problems. He has promised to tell his wife soon. I feel sorry for her. She has lots of medical issues already and takes around 20 pills a day. I'm just afraid this will be too much for her.

[WCSDancer2010]

Yeah - for those who have lived with it and have the OB's under control it can be easy to get casual with it ...what he needs to understand is that not everyone gets off as easy as he has and there is no way of telling who will never have an OB and who will struggle with it for months :(