How do I tell him I have herpes?

[tlt1988]

Wow so I am super new to this but need some help and advice. I have Hsv 1 & 2. I have had it for about 7 years. I am taking acyclovir and have been for a while. I started seeing someone about a year ago we had sex a few times and always used protection. He ended it because he was going to Afghanistan. we reconnected right before he left. I never told him about me having these because I had talked to my doctor and they said because I was on the meds and using protection everything should be fine. I took that as that I didn't need to tell because it is so embarrassing and I didn't want to get that vulnerable I guess. It got me thinking lately and so I started looking fr more answers and feeling like I needed to talk to people that understand. So I found you guys and have been reading the forums. It got me thinking a ton. I feel like if we are going to try and have anything in the future I need to be honest and talk to him. I am super scared!!!! He is still over seas right now and I feel like I need to tell him. I have started a thousand letters to tell him all of this but keep thinking that it is the cowards way out. Then I want to tell him on the phone so I can just get it out and over with. Then I start to think how messed up it is of me to want make myself feel better by telling him while he is over there. He already has so much to worry about. I am so unsure of what to do with all of this. Any advice helps. Please

[PositivelyBeautiful]

First of all, welcome. I don't think there is an easy answer here... One on hand, yes, you should definitely tell him this, but on the other hand, is this the right time? At this stage, it might be worth waiting until he gets back home and tell him face to face. I say this because he probably is already dealing with a lot. You need to decide what is best for you, but why the sense of urgency here? Are you trying to relieve your own guilt? Perhaps you can allude to having something very important to share with him, and that you would like to have a conversation with him when he is back. Again, i don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. You have to do what you feel is best, but just consider he already has a lot to contend with right now in his life. Perhaps others will provide a different perspective, but hope this helps a little.

[MMissouri]

I agree with PositivelyBeautiful, I would wait until he gets home. I think it's a better to disclose in person anyway.

[WCSDancer2010]

@tlt1988

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I think @PositivelyBeautiful hit the nail on the head ... it sounds like you want to disclose to relieve your guilt ... and while I would usually say to someone to disclose asap in a post-sexual contact situation (if they hadn't already) in this case, because of the situation he's in, he has FAR bigger things to deal with ... and being distracted by fear/concern/anger/worry/etc that may result from just plain ignorance about Herpes may cause him to lose the focus he needs to stay safe over there.

 

Unfortunately you were given poor information by your Dr. Yes, the risk of passing it on with the precautions you are using is very small, but the risk with all that is still about the same risk as you getting pregnant on Birth Control ... and any Dr will know that women get pregnant on BC all the time .... but it's not your fault that you were not given better advice and information ... and BTW, this is not an unusual situation. MANY Dr's are giving out poor advice about dealing with new sexual partners :(

 

So please, don't beat yourself up. Something made you decide to look for more information, and now that you are better educated, NOW you can act differently. I'd wait till he comes home, and try to find a way to be in a neutral (non-sexual) situation where you can tell him that you have something that has come to your attention since you were together that you need to talk to him about... then tell him the truth about what you had been told and what you know now.... give him the e-book and handouts from here and get him educated.... get him tested ... and hopefully he will realize that by comparison to what he deals with every day over there, his risk of getting Herpes is pretty damn small in comparison ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

 

[tlt1988]

Thank you guys so much. I a so glad I have joined this site and got some advice that I can use. Thank you for understanding!!!! Look forward to reading all you have to say and glad I finally found people that understand!