how do I start this?

[tt88]

So I have had hsv2 now for about a year and a half. I have accepted it for the most part. There's no point in dwelling on something you can't change. I met this guy last summer. He's a surgeon and honestly I had no interest in him, but I had some legal stuff happen to me around the time I met him and he insisted on helping me through the whole process. After I won my case 6 months later we developed a friendship...like best friends and after trying so hard to win my heart he finally did. Since new years eve we have gotten closer and closer. He is amazing and my rock. I know sex is coming soon for us and I want to tell him the truth. He has been the best thing to ever happen to me I don't even have the heart to hold a secret like this from him. So here's the question. He's a doctor and ironically one of his specialties is infectious diseases. So I honestly doubt I need to explain anything about my disease since I am sure he knows everything there is to know about it. I dont want him to be mad at me for not telling him for so long, but for 1, up until new years i never planned on being with him and 2 it was none of his business prior to that. So how do you go about disclosing to a doctor because all the medical jargon is a waste in this case. And how do I get him to understand why I am telling him now? Really...I just wanna be smart on how I word things. knock on wood..I know he see's people with crazy incurable diseases and cancers all day..I don't think this will scare him away, but I just feel like I go blank every time I want to bring it up. I don't know how to start this conversation or how to explain it in a way where I am not his patient but his girlfriend. Any words of advice will help, either way I am not keeping this from him.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey! So everything you have described indicates that he will be compassionate and understanding, regardless as to whether or not he wants to accept the small risk. That said, maybe start by explaining how your feelings have developed for him over the last year and that you truly value his friendship in your life. Explain to him that the reason you are sharing this with him is because you trust him and care for him, but if you're going to take the relationship further, you want him to really know everything about you. Tell him you want to offer him the choice, because you care about him so much. Since he should be educated, the rest of the conversation should be easier... and you can openly talk about what you can do to protect him. But just lead from your heart... if it's easier, maybe write a letter? I think it's best to verbalize how you feel, but if you're scared it won't come out right, handing him a well-written letter with all your thoughts and feelings for him to read, while you are there next to him, is the next best thing. Be brave... and don't jump to any conclusions. He's shown you already that you cares for you, so be your authentic self and let him see how truly beautiful you are... it's scary, but a quote I once read said : Vulnerability is the only way to build true connection' and here you are. You can do this, and we'll all be here to support you no matter what. Sending you lots of love and positivity!

[WCSDancer2010]

@tt88

 

Well, @Positive said exactly what i was going to say. You are quite correct that until now it wasn't his business if you didn't wish to share it and if you are only recently moving towards being intimate, then it wasn't necessary before now. So just start by telling him that you've come to care a lot for him and if you are going to take it to the next level, you want to start from a place of honesty and transparancy. Then tell him.

 

We all have "closets" ... things we are scared people will learn about us that we are not confident about ourselves ... a tough secret that you are afraid to share for fear of rejection. Another member recently shared that in addition to herpes, she shared with her new BF that she has nightmares because of a rape and resulting PTSD ... knowing that something like that might be too much for some people... there are so many things that could be "deal breakers" that people are ashamed about/cover up/hide. AND, most of them really aren't deal breakers!!!

 

Just trust him, trust yourself, and trust the process.

 

(((HUGS)))