random update

[perfGentleman]

It is been a year...

 

It was a year ago, I started drinking excessively to forget someone and was then brought to a screeching halt by an annoying piece of double stranded material.

 

I have never more distrusted others.

My sex drive is so low, it is like I'm back in Middle school.

I did meet a few interests , I even broke it off with one before naturally derailing it. You should see how upset she was when I finally disclosed it, as if I had been playing a bad joke on her.

She is so fine with it, I wonder if she is crazy ( Mind you, I seem to attract that) Lool. Yes, she knows plenty about it. She already has oral hsv. 1?

 

Maybe she is not telling me something ... mmm...

 

Er...

 

The idea of putting someone going through these emotions... is troubling.

The first half of me, figures, I should get back out there .. into "life". And the other half really does not want to get that close to another human being ever again.

 

I could ask her to get tested, but she really doesn't care.

 

Just ranting...

 

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey there, I think this is very personal choice.... are you ready to get involved with someone? And do you really want to be with her? Or are you settling because she is accepting of your status? If feel you are ready and want to seriously give this a shot with her, than perhaps asking her to get tested would put your mind at ease. I would definitely want the other person to be tested, just to alleviate any doubts or guilt later on if/when they do contract it. She also might be a carrier without even knowing, and that might help you feel less distraught about potentially passing it on to her. It's really up to you on how you want to handle this, but knowing the facts up front on her status would likely be helpful later on. Just make sure you are getting involved with her for the right reasons... and btw, don't be surprised by how 'ok' she is about this... sometimes we tend to think the worst of what other people's reactions will be, when in fact, there are numerous example here that prove that herpes is often no big deal. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to be happy... let it in.

[WCSDancer2010]

@perfGentleman

 

Good to see you again!

 

So think about this - YOU were not given a choice... hence your distrust and upset. This young lady has been given the choice and is ok with it. And just because she's ok with it doesn't mean she has it - it means YOU mean more to her than the risk of getting it from you. Perhaps that is the problem... you don't BELIEVE you are worthy of having someone who would care for you with an imperfection.

 

So here are some things that I've recently had men "disclose" to me that they felt might be a deal breaker...some of which are deal breakers for me, some are not ... but that they feared being "rejected" over:

 

Married/separated but finalizing divorce this year.

Diabetes type 2 and needing to lose weight to control it.

Dealing with post-herpatic neuralgia from shingles (I have to say that his 1 1/2 hr almost non-stop description of what he's been through and another hour about all his other achievements where I hardly got a word in was far more of a deal breaker than the fact that he's struggling with all the stuff associated with it.).

5 yrs older than my "ideal" upper age preference

Having severe heart issues (arrhythmia and tachycardia) that needed surgery (scared me a LOT but I gave it a shot - he ended it because it turned out he was rebounding)

Having kids (mine are grown so young kids are a no-go for me)

 

There are TONS of medical issues that people deal with that they are scared will be deal breakers for another. Cancer (past or present). Diabetes (esp if its hard to control). Infertility. Mental Illness. Erectile dysfunction ( a real biggie in older men and guys on statins/heart meds ... I've had several men disclose to me and they are all as shit scared of a bad reaction as people with H are). Neurological issues like MS. Genetic issues that could be passed on to potential kids. The list is never ending :)

 

I'm putting this out there because it's easy to think that *we* are the only people who have something that might cause us to be rejected by another, when the fact is, we are FAR from alone in these fears.

 

Give the girl a chance. Obviously you haven't managed to shake her off "that easily" ;) Obviously she really, really likes you. Time to TRUST again friend. Let her be your teacher. Even if it doesn't work out, let her show you that H doesn't have to stop you from enjoying life. :)

 

And if you can, get into therapy. You sound clinically depressed, and that needs professional help....

 

(((HUGS))) friend. We all want the best for you here and we hope you will find some way to work through the depression and back into a life filled with love and joy...