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''Twas the night of the Super Bowl......

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So I'm at my friends for Super Bowl Sunday, having great food, drinks and company. I had too many cocktails and I crash out. My boyfriend comes in and wakes me up to fool around In the middle of the night. Well the next morning he gets out of the shower and notices he has a cold sore..... He said that that night he saw a little bump on his lip but though he had just bitten it and has not had a cold sore for a good 3 years. Well he had never told me he had them, and i have never had one. over the next few days I feel that there is something wrong. I can feel it. I make an appointment to see the dr. She is sweet and tells me that my symptoms don't look traditional but takes a culture to have tested. She gives me meds to treat herpes, along with books and websites to check out. This is leading me to believe that she thinks I'm positive. Well if I didn't know then, the very next day I knew. I was in a lot of pain, I had body aches, swollen lymph nodes, the whole lot. My results came back yesterday, positive for HSV 1. Not a shock but still hard to hear.

I've have never had any other std, I've been with my bf for almost a year now. I'm mad, sad, hurting physical and emotionally. I feel of anyone I shouldn't have to be going through this with him, I could blame myself if I had acted reckless. I'm mad at him because very likely he will not have to go through the pain of these OB. Im mad at him for waking me up! If he would have let me sleep I more then likely would not be in this situation because he would know without a doubt he had a cold sore. I know he feels bad, he wants to be therefor me, comfort me. But is it bad that of all people I don't want his comfort? I don't know if I can come back from this with him. I don't want to be intimate, let alone really see him. To be honest I've been debating weather I want to be in this relationship for a few months now before this even happened. I'm lost, I don't know what to do. I feel kind of trapped now. The thought of dating again sucks, and now what I knew of dating is going to change a lot.

I will say I have the best friends and family here for me, I'm very lucky to have them through this tough time.

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Hello @savashpar, I'm sorry you are hurting and I know the news sucks but you will be ok and even though it feels like the end of the world it's not! Going over the what ifs won't help and neither will being bitter towards your bf. These things happen and it was an accident and unfortunately accidents happen in life, many a lot worse than herpes. If you you weren't sure about the relationship already then that's something you need to work out, you can't stay with someone just because of H. hang in there and look after yourself and try not to lash out at your bf, you've already said he feels bad so try not make him feel worse!

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Hello and Welcome!


@New_Moon is right. Shoulda Woulda Coulda won't get you anywhere. But just for the record, a few things for you to think on:


I bet you have had plenty of other "middle of the night" romps ... regretting this one or blaming him for it isn't getting you anywhere.


Most people don't think twice about cold sores. Most don't even ave a clue that they are the Herpes virus or that it can head south. 80% of people have oral HSV1 and 80% of them don't even know they have it. So while I agree with @new_moon that you shouldn't stay in the relationship just because of H, DO understand that with the prevelance of H1orally odds are you've been with other guys who carried it (knowingly or otherwise) and just plain got lucky and didn't get it already ... or you WILL be with guys who have it (knowingly ot otherwise) if you split up. H1 accounts for 50% of all new genital cases right now ... basically because of the lack of education and testing... people think it's a "safe" alternative to sex.... My point is that while I hear your frustration at the series of events that led up to you getting Herpes, do understand that your odds of being with guys who could have *potentially* passed on to you are pretty high if you are at all sexually active.


And BTW, as an FYI the CDC believes we will all get at least one of the 40ish strains of HPV in our lifetimes if we are at all sexually active as well ... thankfully most are harmless but my point is that you *may* already have at least one strain of that and so will all your friends in time. This isn't a judgement statement (because I LOVe sex too!) but with our sexually "relaxed" society ... combined with the severe lack of education about STD's ... the odds are stacked against us for avoiding an STD if we enjoy sex at all :(


The whole thing about "you don't deserve this .... you didn't act reckless" .... sorry friend but many, MANY people get Herpes in committed relationships the same way you did .... because of that lack of education and sometimes just plain bad luck. Having an STD has NOTHING to do with your sexual proclivities (as you just learned).


Right now you are angry (that's normal) and I totally get that. Believe me, NONE of us here asked for this and we feel your pain and hurt. But you WILL get through this and you WILL be fine I've had HSV1 orally since I was a kid and HSV2 genitally from my first sexual experience ... I'm 53 .... you do the math as to how long I've had both ... but I can tell you you will find love (with the BF or otherwise) , have kids (if you want them), and have a great life.... and Herpes will be just a speed bump in the road along the way....


We are here to help you though this ... come and rant, ask questions, and support others as much as you want. Here's some info for you:




Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Herpes facts video
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