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Discordant couple questions

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I met this amazing guy at work. We have so much in common and the past 2 months have made me feel normal again. I found out I had hsv2 over 2 years whilst with my ex bf. One day I had a tingle followed by 3 small blisters near the opening of my lady parts. Had a cultural and the results came back positive. I struggled to come to terms with my diagnosis and as such couldn't continue the relationship with my partner. I blame him for my diagnosis and part of me believes he knew he had it as the way he acted when we found out was so calm and collected. I on the other hand struggled immensely. I came home one night crying and told my mum she told me it wasn't the end of the world but I just felt numb. Reading all the success stories gave me the courage to tell the guy I am now seeing. I texted him one evening using the information from the handout. He was so understanding and advised he didn't know much but he liked me before and liked me now regardless. He obviously had a few questions so I agreed we would discuss in person when we was alone. Since our chat he has said he's not going anywhere and he appreciates the courage and care i made in telling him. My only problem now is I feel like I'm a walking disease that's going to infect him at any moment. I cant get the thought out of my head. I really like him and I want this to work. I know he has accepted the risk but part of me doesn't want him to feel the way I felt when I found out I was infected. Please can any discordant couples tell me how they prevent transmission when having sexual relations. Especially in terms of masturbation and oral. I'm scared if he masturbates me then touches himself he will get infected straight away. I am pretty good at knowing when I am shredding as I get the tingle and leg sensations. I am going on antivirals when I visit my doctor and to begin with we have discussed wearing condoms also. Thank you for any time you can spare in giving advice!

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Knowing your body is huge. My ex of 8 years never had issues. We didn't use condoms and I rarely took meds. You can look into female condoms since they cover the labia. Washing with soap and water before sex, and after can help. Gloves can be can option for touching you. Or dental dams. Or washing his hands in between touching you and touching himself. You have options, it can be safe.

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Hello and Welcome!


Honey - you are NOT a walking disease!!! You are a beautiful person ... and you have found a man who sees that and who realizes that a life well lived assumes risk. ;)


I've had two 3yr relationships post divorce with discordant men ( I gave the virus to my ex hubby because I didn't know what my "rash" was and I was being treated for yeast/bacteria but not tested for H at the time...it was the 80's so less was known then). Neither got it from me. I took the antivirals for one because he was concerned about getting it and the other didn't care.


As @livinginrainbow said - knowing your body is huge ... though I will add that while you may believe you "know" when you are shedding (tingles/whatever) you CAN shed with none of that (which is how most people got it ... the other person had no idea they even have the virus or they weren't having symptoms). BUT ... if you find other ways to play when you KNOW you are shedding or believe something may be going on (I wouldn't do anything even if I knew the "sore" was likely from underwear rubbing or rough sex or whatever) that reduces your risk hugely ... and if you are on the meds that will further reduce your risk so that your risk of him getting it is about the same as the risk of you getting pregnant on birth control ;)


As for oral ... well, you have HSV2 on your GENITALS so you can give all the oral you want (it doesn't travel through the body to other areas) and only 1% of all Oral HSV is HSV2 ... the H2 virus just doesn't like the area of the mouth :)


Masturbation - you should be fine in the absence of any known symptoms... esp if you are on antivirals. My partners and I have done plenty of mutual masturbation and they didn't get it from me :)


Bottom line: Relax, enjoy the process, and pay attention to your body - if you *think* something may be happening, the links below will give you the "opportunity" to find other ways to get your freak on ... :)






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