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Please Help Me..

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Hello.. My step sister has genital herpes.. I just have a few questions.. She is having unprotected sex with multiple people. I'm trying to explain to her that they can be infected and she will face some serious consequences if she continues, but she refuses to listen. Is there anyway I can explain to her even further so she will understand?

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Hello and Welcome!


Well you certainly are in a pickle, because you want to do the right thing, but unfortunately some people will live in denial until life swats them hard enough to wake them up. For those who are behaving like her, they usually are either angry at how they got it (and it's a way of getting revenge) or they may have been told that they are "safe" as long as they are not having an outbreak. OR ... she's so desperately afraid of rejection that she's just praying for the best. :(


Can you tell us how she responds when you talk to her? That may help us to give you some ideas about how to break through to her.


AND... know there is only so much you can do, and don't take on too much of the weight of it all. One thing you need to get: if people are having unprotected sex with her, they are also ignoring the facts about STD's and are not taking responsibility for their own sexual health... so while we might feel it's up to us to disclose, there IS some responsibility on the part of the people she's with to at least have a conversation about safe sex, and preferably to at least use condoms/barriers with casual partners....those that don't are playing sexual Russian Roulette ... and sadly some WILL pay the price one day :(



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Well, there's only so much you can do sometimes ... perhaps print out the Handouts from here and ask her to at least read them ... suggest she come on here for more info. I'm guessing she thinks she has it "under control" ... which as you said is more likely denial....


One other angle would be to let her know you are afraid for HER welfare given she's having unprotected sex ... that you heard that people with H can get other STD's more easily because of the lesions and such ... *maybe* that will get to her, but from what you are saying I wouldn't hold my breath :(


Handouts + disclosure e-book:




Herpes facts video


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I completely agree @WCSdancer2010. There isn't much you can do other than talk to her. Like dancer also pointed out, she is putting herself at risk also. Now that her immune system is occupied with herpes, she could pick up other STD's easier. HIV/AIDS..scary stuff. Try not to make it about the people she is sleeping with and direct your concerns in a direction where it is worry for her. I'm saying this because if you constantly talk about her infecting others, it hammers the label of "walking virus" home and feeds into the stigma she may be feeling (gross, damaged, unable to disclose, etc). I get that it's not right to behave in the way that she is, but it also says something about her frame of mind. To me it sounds as if she as the point where she doesn't care about herself or others. Sad stuff. Good luck.

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