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Nervous about herpes test result from swabbing

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So I guess I am posting more as a vent rather than for replies.


Struggling today a lot as I finally saved enough money to call westover heights and get some pcr swabs sent to me. The anticipation of them coming on the mail is bringing up so much anxiety in me. I finally have control now of when and where I swab which does relieve the humiliation of begging the dr to swab atypical bumps but I am finally going to have no ambiguity. The results will help formulate whether these bumps that are appearing what seems like constantly are herpes.


I just don't know if I am emotionally strong enough for either result positive or negative.


I have been in ambiguity for a year (more) and I have "felt" like I had herpes all this time and I "know" I do. But now it will be final and wow that finality is really difficult to deal with.


I envy people who have clarity, even though being told you have h is no picnic it's better than this roller coaster I have been on.


I don't know. Thought I would try posting on the forum instead of bothering a few friends of mine who I am sure are sick of me talking about h. I am sick of it too.

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@whitedaises do you bumps contain any fluid, or are you swapping the skin? I'm in the same boat you are. However, I don't present any bumps. All I have ever got I really red tender skin and the tingling/burning. Since I had the tingling/burning and was H1+ my doctor just said it was genital herpes. I had the red skin at the time, but he said everything looked normal. I myself would really just like to know for sure, but since I don't encounter any sores I'm not sure if the doctor can just swab red skin? Did westover tell you that just swabbing skin can be enough to determine if it herpes or not?

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"Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed."

— Alice Walker (Living by the Word)


“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”

― C. JoyBell C.


"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

— Anaïs Nin

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  • 1 month later...

In case anyone's following my story, thought I would update my negative swab results from westover heights.


I will have to learn to live with uncertainty as I have done everything possible to get clarification on my results.


Perhaps my lesson is living with uncertainty.


Just struggling now how to be completely uninhibited during sex with that uncertainty I dot know what issues are caused from what.


And I guess my future disclosures are I have hsv1, I don't know where just like most of the people who carry hsv1 asymptomatically.

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