Soooo nervous to have sex. How to get over fear of infecting him with herpes?

[shocked80]

Will I ever get over being nervous about having sex?? Now that I'm talking about having sex with my partner I'm starting to trip and swear I'm feeling things down below OMG! My partner has not been tested yet but I believe he's H-.. I'm on antivirals and plan to use protection but I'm so nervous. I how do I get over this fear of possibly infecting him?

[whitedaisies]

Going through the same thing.

 

I honestly think time will just allow us to be more comfortable. At least I am hoping that's what will happen.

 

If you learn any secrets along the way, let me know.

[WCSDancer2010]

Do you worry every time that you give someone a ride in your car that you might be in an accident and they *might* get injured/killed?

 

Do you worry every time you cook something for someone that they *might* get food poisoning or have a food allergy that could have a bad reaction?

 

Do you worry any time you do any sport where injury is possible to another (it can be anything from Football to snow skiing (many accidents there are from one person running another over), or any extreme sport) that you might hurt someone there?

 

You see, there are MANY places in our lives where our actions *might* cause another person harm (and WE also put ourselves into the hands of others every day as well). If we all worried about how these actions *might* cause someone harm, we'd all live in bubbles and never leave the house!

 

Remember that 80% of people with Herpes don't know they have it and are unwittingly putting their partners at risk every time they have sex. Be THANKFUL that you know your status and that you know how to protect your partner. Be THANKFUL that you have a partner who respects/loves you enough to be ok with that risk. REMEMBER that THEY have made that CHOICE to be with you and take that risk. And KNOW that ANY time that we engage in activities with someone else, certain risks are inherent in those activities .... and that we can't control all the outcomes ...we can just do what we need to to reduce the risk of harm and the rest is up to God, or the Universe (depending on your Spiritual POV ;) ).

 

(((HUGS)))

[shocked80]

@WCSDancer2010 I completely understand what you're saying I would just feel awful if I was to pass this to him. As it is a we were doing some crazy position and the condom came off. I immediately got a rag with soap and water and cleaned him up. so now I'm super nervous.

 

@whitedaisies I'm hoping time helps with this. If I do figure out anything helpful I will definitely pass it along. I'm also nervous that I'll get a ob due to having sex. this whole situation is overwhelming

[WCSDancer2010]

You also need to get it that you are not an oozing petri dish of virus friend!!! If you got the soap and water right on it, soap kills it very fast.... RELAX!!!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Remember - he's not a child. He's a grown man. Right now you are trying to treat him like someone who is unable to make his own risk choices. And that will stop being fun for him after awhile ... I bet he would rather GET herpes so you could just get it on and stop worrying about him ...

 

Worry won't get you anywhere ... do what you know you need to do to protect him and then leave the rest to God/the Universe :)

[shocked80]

@wcsdancer2010 you're right!! I just had another talk with him and he's is aware of the risk. I'm more worried than he is at this point. He said if it happens it could be worse. I'm trying to get over feeling like I'm a walking virus. I know everything takes time

[WCSDancer2010]

I just thought of this too:

 

You know he's an adult. You know he knows the risks. Do you RESPECT him enough to make his own choices about what risks he takes in life (not just this.... ANY risk!) ... because you can't protect him from shit happening ... all you can do is take the precautions that we know help to reduce transmission, and then allow him to be a grown man who can make up his mind about what is important to him :)

[whitedaisies]

@Shocked80 , I am so glad you have a supportive partner. I know it's still hard BUT trust me having it the other way is so much worse.

 

Be thankful you have a partner who is supportive of you. Come on here to vent so you don't bombard him with worry etc as that will dampen the mood.

 

Relax as best you can, he will be understanding til you get your groove bak, I am sure.

 

Good luck

[shocked80]

@wcsdancr2010 yes I respect him to make his own choices. You're right I can only do my part to keep him protected. I really appreciate you being so open and blunt with me you have helped me so much since I started coming out to this site. I'm :-)

 

@whitedaisies thank you! I'm glad that I have him to support me as well. I'm definitely going to try and relax and let time take its course. Thank you for for your feedback

[whitedaisies]

@shocked80

 

My pleasure. With every success my spirits are lifted and it gives me courage.

 

Hugs

[shocked80]

So I had sex last night and this morning and I noticed a small dot like cut where I've got one before. I'm wondering if this is an ob or just a tear from being kind of dry. also since I'm sensative to latex I used the skyn brand condoms and those seem to irritate me as well. I noticed what seems to be skin peeling on the inside of my vagina where the skin folds. Is this an ob or from the condom irritation? This is what I was worried about :-(

[WCSDancer2010]

Sometimes when you are in your first year or so then sex will trigger an OB .. but remember that it occurred AFTER sex... so don't panic... do whatever you do to contain it - double up on anti-virals, do epsom Salts baths, whatever. Attack it early and hard. Usually you can know those Ob's right down if you go right after them. Not sure about the peeling skin inside the vagina ... never heard of that... that sounds more like an allergy than herpes

 

[shocked80]

@WCSDancer2010 OK being that it was after puts me a little at ease. I believe the peeling is from the condom. It's crazy bbecause when I had sex in December I used a latex condom andi was extremely irritated and then had my 1st ob. What other non latex protection is out there?

[ivoryrain]

@shocked80

 

Hey there! I'm allergic to latex (sounds like you may be as well if you believe the irritation was from the latex), so I use polyurethane condoms. Lambskin is another alternative, but they are not recommended for STI protection as they are porous (if you end up with someone H+ and just want to prevent pregnancy, this may be a good option). Polyurethane is technically just as good as latex, but it is trickier to work with because it doesn't stretch as much, making it more likely to slip off. It may take a couple different brands to find one that works well for you and your partner. There are also female condoms (assuming you are a heterosexual couple) called fc2, which are also polyurethane.

[shocked80]

@ivoryrain yes, I am allergic to latex and extremely sensitive in my vaginal area. The condom I used is made of polyisoprene I'm going to try the polyurethane one's and see how they work. Have you been tried the condom fc2 condom? Im definitely willing to give it a try. Now I have a bladder/uti infection or that's what I think it is it could be the hsv. I need to make a doctors appointment and get checked. Today is not a good day day

[ivoryrain]

@shocked80

 

Yes, I've used them a few times. I think they feel better than a male condom, but I have a little trouble putting it in due to the lubricant on them. It has a ring that you pinch and insert - it's almost like NuvaRing with a condom attached haha. Practice makes perfect! Any type of sexy times practice can be fun ;)

 

I had a UTI with my first OB. May have been related, maybe not. It doesn't seem to be uncommon, though. Hope things improve for you!

[shocked80]

@ivoryrain thank you for all the feedback it has helped a lot

[ivoryrain]

@shocked80

 

Glad I could help. Let me know if you have any more questions or feel free to private message me if you think of any down the road :) Us latex-allergic and extra-vaginally-sensitive ladies sometimes have our hands full! lol

[shocked80]

@ivoryrain you have that right. I m pretty down today just because of everything going on. I will definitely keep in contact with you since we have a few things in common when it comes to H as well as our latex sensivity. Thank you

 

I just can't wait to get over this hump