New (almost boyfriend) waiting for disclosure time!

[inspired32]

Hi all of you! I have not been on this forum in a very long time so for those who don't remember me- my name is Alexa. I got herpes type 1 (genitally) at age 19 May 2011 in college from a guy going down on me. I am now 23 its been about 4 years and I have not had any outbreaks since my initial! I may never get one again.. but we won't jinx it right?! ;) It took me a little over a full year to really find myself again - and get over the hate and contempt I had for my "giver." I have had nothing but success with herpes and feel very fortunate to have been involved with guys who did not mind and good friends and family who are open to hearing about me share my story and feelings. herpes is still herpes and while I am feeling great about myself it is still always scary to open up to a new guy whether or not he's amazing and respectful!

 

A short story of my current situation: I am dating a new guy since a month and a half ago. I don't think I've ever experienced this type of good treatment before or security. This is a guy who takes me on dates that involve beach, dinner, hikes, etc. In all of a month and a half's time he has ONLY kissed me... and I have only slept at his house twice because we went out drinking with his friends. even those two times we cuddled and kissed and his hands didn't even try to touch me!!! I don't want to bring up herpes yet, because I have always believed it not to be necessary until I am close to being in a relationship, in a relationship and literally ready to have SEX. I never let guys go down on me... and when a guy wants to finger me I let him without disclosing because its his hands...and that is impossible to pass that way. I am not necessarily scared to disclose when the time is right.. because we HAVE NOT HOOKED UP YET!! haha but I just want some support on it again since its been about 8-9 months since my last relationship where I disclosed and was serious. I am also here to help and give support. I received an email from Adrial today saying I have not been on in a while. That was crazy because I was just thinking this past week of the fact that my guy is basically my boyfriend and hooking up and sex and disclosing has to be coming up soon enough. I needed Adrial and he knew it! ;) and all of you. Thanks again and I will be sharing something on another discussion too.

[WCSDancer2010]

Sounds like you have a winner there. And remember, the odds are that HE already has HSV1 orally ... if not genitally ... so when the time comes, you can ask him if he ever gets (or had in the past) cold sores ... it's the easiest segue for both types but especially for HSV1 ...

 

Read all the Success Stories that you can for inspiration ... there's a ton of great info and ideas in those posts :))

 

(((HUGS)))

[inspired32]

Thank you! I appreciate your advice and support! I do always ask that and let them know it's the same. Unfortunately no guy I have disclosed to has cold sores which bums me out ... Ha you know how I mean that. I hope this guy has them or knows about it. I know he's a great guy but I do know doesn't always mean tht accept stds. I just hope all this time has gotten to know me emotionally Puts the herpes into a category of MEANS NOTHING! It may not happen for a while still seeing we are moving slowly but when it does I will definitely post and let you know how it went!

[kender]

FWIW, having a cold sore may not mean they do or don't have it. Only sure way to know is a blood test. If he says he never has and wants to pursue, I'd highly recommend he get tested regardless. Good luck with your disclosure :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Uh - do they KNOW they don't have them??? Have they been tested??? For any guy who states "I don't have them", your answer is "Do you KNOW you that you have been tested? Have you ASKED FOR and SEEN THE RESULTS of your tests? If not, odds are you were not tested and given that 80% of people have it and 80% don't know they have it, it may be in your best interest to get tested so you know for sure" :)

 

AND, if they are really into you, it won't matter for most anyway (I say *most* as true germaphobes will ALWAYS get torn between their phobia and wanting to be with you... and they are still good people... you are just dealing with something that is out of your control :) )

[inspired32]

Thanks guys that's a good point. I think that I see less of that being a problem because I don't have cold sores on my mouth and while it's so common I was one who never had it and still don't because I have it genitally. So I can see people not having it. But I will be more cautious with that too

[Kristinas625]

It is possible to get herpes on the hand via the mouth or genitals. You should to read up on herpetic whitlow and be selective about who you're being sexual with. People with open minds and hearts will be able to see past this. And those who can't aren't worth your time

[WCSDancer2010]

@Kristinas625

 

Yes it's "possible" - but pretty rare (the people most likely to get it are those who have a lot of hangnails/chew the cuticles/get skin cracks ,,, and even then you almost have to come indirect contact with an open lesion... the virus doesn't like the skin in the area of the hands ...

 

I've had both kinds of HSV (H1 since childhood, H2 since 17) - my ex hubby eventually got H2 from me because we didn't know at the time (it was the early 80's) what my "rash" was...but in spite of having a LOT of skin cracks and such he never got Herpatic whitlow from me (and we did a LOT of hand stimulation when I had those rashes) ... so it's something to be "aware" of but not worth over-thinking :)

[Kristinas625]

I'm aware, I just thought it was worth stating since OP said it wasn't possible and it most certainly is. It's important to educate ourselves and our partners of the risks and possibilities no matter the low risk so I just thought it was worth mentioning so others aren't misinformed