Need Some Advice

[Tallboy38]

Im really nervous about disclosing to a girl I have been talking to. I am a senior in college and have had hsv2 for about a year. One stupid hook up after a bad break up changed my life in a way i never expected. Over the past year I have not only disclosed to two separate girls who were both completely accepting, but I have learned to accept and love myself once again. I just need some advice right now...

 

I go to an extremely small university. The school is 1000 kids total. There is this girl who I have been talking with and am starting to like. We have gone on some dates and she has said how much she likes me. Although I am very excited about this, it scares me. Unlike the two prior girls I have disclosed to, she goes to my school... It is for this reason I am so nervous to tell her because if she is uncomfortable with my situation, I feel as if her even mentioning it to anyone would spread like wild fire around my school and id be known as the guy with herpes... I like her and like spending time with her but I don't want to lie to her and lead her on by trying to keep my diagnosis a secret (ps we aren't having any sex or anything). I just don't know if the risk is worth it... :/

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey @tallboy38, I totally understand where you are coming from, because I live in a very small community, where everyone is always in everyone else's business. I would likely feel the same way if I met someone who lived here, but there is a very limited pool of eligibles. Anyways, I get it. If it was me, I would take my time, to really get to know the person and make sure it's someone I can see myself with. I think time will give you some perspective, and you will be able to see what kind of person she really is... ie: compassionate, kind, understanding, etc. That might make you feel 'safer' in telling her, knowing that even if she does not want to take the risk, she would respect you and keep this information to herself. Time will also give her the full picture of who you are and what you have to offer... herpes aside. Not sure if you are looking for something casual or serious, but if it's the latter, just take it slow.

 

However, there is no guarantee right? I think time will ultimately tell if you think the risk is worth it... ironically. Now, that said, if you are really into her, and she shows you that she is kind-hearted, don't let fear hold you back... live fearlessly and let the cards land where they may. The people that ultimately judge you are uneducated about the facts, and their thoughts cannot dictate your worth, if they do find out. The open-minded, compassionate, kind people will never think anything different of you, and this has been proven time and time again by those who have come out to their entire network. Hope this helps a little. Take your time, and listen to your gut. You'll know what feels right.

[Tallboy38]

Thank you for the good advice @PositivelyBeautiful. My gut is telling that is the right plan of action as well. I've never been the type of guy to just have flings so its ironic that the one I had led me to the situation I am in now lol. I'll be sure to let you know when something happens.

[WCSDancer2010]

I couldn't have put it better than @PositivelyBeautiful did ... and I think that if you go slow you will see *something* before long that will tell you if she will be trustworthy with this private information even if it doesn't work out. She'll either show you a compassionate side or a judgmental side before long.

 

While it's not *always* true, those who talk smack about others and make nasty jokes or whatever are more likely to talk smack about you if it doesn't work out. That's one of the things I watch out for - how the other person talks about their ex's ... ESPECIALLY the "bad" ones... because a compassionate person may say their ex was crazy, cheated, whatever, but it's said matter-of-fact ... and not with a bunch of expletive-deletives and mud slinging and venom which generally tells me I'll be the next one to be on their shit list because that's when I try to gracefully disconnect with them ASAP afterwards ...LOL

 

And when the time comes (IF it comes) preface the talk with the fact that you are telling her this because you TRUST her to keep a confidence.... that should make her feel special and honored and hopefully will make it clear that it's not to be spread around if you don't work out. ;)

 

(((HUGS)))