Recently diagnosed, terrified of future herpes outbreaks

[flamesong]

I'm about a week into my first outbreak of GH and I am still a little upset by the diagnosis. When I started experiencing symptoms I assumed it was thrush, until Friday morning when I woke up in agonising pain. I took a look in the mirror and was horrified to find a whole load of white, weeping blisters had erupted down my labia. I became quite frightened, having never experienced such pain. Eventually, I ended up calling the out-of-hours service and seeing a doctor who visually diagnosed me with GH and a UTI and prescribed me antivirals and antibiotics.

 

At this point, I have begun to come to terms with my future emotionally. My partner was beyond understanding - he accepted he probably has the virus already and assured me he still wanted to be with me, still found me attractive and still wanted to sleep with me. I cried so much when I told him, and every time I think about how nice he was about it I get teary again - part of me feels undeserving of him. I'm also trying to see this as a challenge. I had started to become relatively arrogant in my day-to-day life, as if I was invincible, and part of me truly believes this was meant to happen to bring me back down to earth. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, as they say. I have only told my partner, and I don't feel I can tell anyone else at this point, but perhaps with time I will learn to have faith in my family and close friends to understand that my condition doesn't deserve the stigma it currently has. I have an appointment at the sexual health clinic on Wednesday for a further talk about the condition, too.

 

However, I am really struggling with the physical side of things. I am terrified of having further outbreaks, even if they are less severe. I've had to take five days off work because I can't walk, I'm effectively bedridden, and it's significantly affected my diet as I can't be bothered enduring the pain required to cook food. I can't go to the gym, which is one of my biggest hobbies, or even walk to the shops. I wake up every few hours during the night. I am really afraid that future outbreaks are going to cause me this much trouble - I can't just take loads of time off work whenever my body decides to play up! It makes me upset to imagine potentially going through this again - especially if it was to happen on a holiday or during a period of stress.

 

I guess I would love to hear from anyone else just to know I'm not alone, and to reassure me perhaps I can get through the physical pain this could cause.

[WCSDancer2010]

@flamesong

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Your fear is normal ... but just think of this ... you may get the Flu, or other illness, and it sucks at the time, but while you may be a bit more cautious to try to avoid getting it in the future, you don't let it stop you from living life. You learn what to do to try to not get it again, perhaps you do some things to help your immunity, you may makes changes in your life. BUT YOU DON'T STOP LIVING.

 

Right now you need to rest and allow your body to start to get control of the virus... Herpes LOVES stress, emotional/physical/whatever ... so use this time to work on those things. Learn what you can about triggers, and be PATIENT with the process. Your body needs time to learn to deal with the virus.

 

So - one thing - your Dr did a VISUAL diagnosis but no test? Hopefully the sexual health clinic will do a swab but it may be too late at that point to get a good culture ... (that's why I HATE clinics for things like STD's *sigh*) If your BF has had no signs, odds are you got HSV1 from oral sex ... but you really need to be tested to find out just so YOU know what you are dealing with.

 

Bottom line though is I've have this 35 years - and yes, it's a pain in the nether regions at times ... but over time your body should get it mostly under control and life goes on... you can have kids get married (if that's what you want), have a GREAT love life, and be "normal" .... (Whatever THAT is! LOL)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Bebe]

You WILL be okay!!!!! This is not the end, and you will learn to deal with this. I'm sorry the symptoms suck!! They really are super annoying and inconvenient as hell! They're especially scary at first, you don't know what's going on, then they just remind you of it, again. But soon you'll see that it's like getting a cold, annoying but it'll go anyway in a few days. Or a pesky pimple! You'll get the hang of symptoms, the outbreaks will be bad, but maybe not as bad, or even reaaally not that bad if you're taking care of yourself. Just know you'll kick its ass. :)

 

Oh! And you will have everything you want, just like dancer said. Love, family, success, peace!!! As long as you want it and don't let this thing define you. You're not a skin condition. Fuck that. (Sorry for the language lol) I've had this for a little over a year and I have grown tremendously bc of it.

 

Your partner seems very understanding which is great!! Let him support you, and keep getting the support you need in this forum. It helped me so much. Wishing you the best!!!

 

<33

 

 

[Justine1984]

Hello there! Have you considered taking antivirals, Acyclovir or Valtrex? I took these everyday for the first 6 months that I was infected. They are safe, I didn't notice any side effect, and I did not have a single outbreak.

 

Actually... I thought I did have an outbreak while I was on antivirals, but it turns out it was just vaginal irritation. My skin is rather sensitive. It was a huge relief when the swab came back negative because then I knew that the antivirals were working.

But I had to stop using regular soap down there. The soap is what was causing me irritations. It's possible I started using a lot more soap after I was diagnosed with herpes, I an attempt to "stay clean." Pretty silly.

 

I stopped taking antivirals 4 months ago and I've had only one outbreak since. And it was sooooo tiny. It was just one blister, so small it did not even pop. It was a little sensitive when I touched around it but didn't bother me otherwise. I remember looking at it and thinking "poor little virus, you look so small and ridiculous." That's when realized I won the most important battle over herpes: the psychological battle.

 

Since then, I have not had a single outbreak.

I'll take antivirals again when I start a new relationship, just to be safe, but right now I'm doing fine without.

 

Your future outbreaks will be a lot less serious than the first as your immune system has started producing antibodies against herpes.

 

Also, I find it cute that you feel "undeserving" of your boyfriend because he accepted that you have herpes.

Didn't he give it to you in the first place?

 

At least that's what happened to me. My ex didn't know that he had herpes. He never had any symptoms. We got tested for HIV but not for that. And bam. I caught it.

I asked him to get tested thinking he probably gave it to me, which offended him a little. But when he got tested, he realized that he already had it. Oops. I was a little mad at him for not being more aware of his status, but I was guilty of the same neglect. I had never been tested for herpes before.

Most people think: why get tested if I have no symptoms?

 

Ok I talk too much.

 

 

You're not alone. You are very far from being alone!

 

[WCSDancer2010]

 

I stopped taking antivirals 4 months ago and I've had only one outbreak since. And it was sooooo tiny. It was just one blister, so small it did not even pop. It was a little sensitive when I touched around it but didn't bother me otherwise. I remember looking at it and thinking "poor little virus, you look so small and ridiculous." That's when realized I won the most important battle over herpes: the psychological battle.

 

 

YES! Good for you for realizing how we don't have to let this virus any bigger than it has to be. But DO remember that as small and ridiculious as it may have looked, an OB is still an OB ... AND ... that can just become an excuse to find other ways to get our sexy on with our partners ... which can be a GOOD thing :)

 

 

 

 

[Bella]

The way you are thinking about it sounds just like me when I found out I have it too

The first outbreak is the worst but hopefully if you go on antivirals your body will regulate it

Just know even though you got diagnosed with this your life isn't over and you still deserve love that's very fortunate your partner is very understanding keep him by your side :)

Feel better!