So confused!

[j_avalon]

I was seeing this guy for a couple months, at first he seemed really interested. I was literally making myself sick with anxiety thinking about when to disclose to him. So in order to gage his level of interest to decide if i should even disclose, i asked him if he wanted something casual or serious. He said he wanted to get to know me and see. I said i wasn't interested in anything casual and was looking for a relationship. Needless to say, I came off as to keen, rushed or whatever and scared him off. I feel like in order to disclose i need to be sure that a guy actually wants to be with me.

 

I feel like my only 2 options now with herpes is either being single or in a serious relationship. Casual dating is out of the question. But coming off as trying to secure the guy in a relationship just scares him off. No man is going to casually date someone he isn't getting sex from, and I won't have sex until i disclose, and i won't disclose unless I'm sure he wants to be with me.

 

Im so confused. They will either leave because they aren't getting any sex, or leave when you tell them, and if they do accept you it would be because they really, really, really like you and think you are the most amazing thing on earth and want to be with you and are willing to overlook it. So casual dating seems impossible, but then it circles right back around to its almost like you have to go through the 'casual' phase in order to get them to consider a relationship with you, you can't try to jump right into a relationship because that also results in them leaving.

 

So is the answer that i need to get better at disclosing? I think I need to not seem needy or overly keen, not seem like i am pushing for a relationship, and feel comfortable disclosing whether it results in a relationship or not? Do i just need to disclose, hope they accept me and see if it turns into a relationship. I need to not care if that is the result, but i do care because i feel like to disclose and be accepted means that the guy wants to be with you.

 

Does anyone have some clarity for me? my head is going in circles - i feel like there is just no winning no matter what approach i take.

[2Legit2Quit]

Lol..... You sound like the voice on my own head. I'd love to know the answer to these as well, as I gave the same dilemma that plays in my head

[WCSDancer2010]

@j_avalon

 

Well, for one thing, you CAN have casual relationships and you CAN find a man who will date for months before having sex. We have had many stories on here to support both statements....You are just dating the wrong guys :)

 

I'm just going to link to the casual sex conversations/success stories, as well as some disclosures where people waited, and my blog on using Herpes as your wingman... and then perhaps if you need more support to fill in the gaps we can go from there :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/70/herpes-disclosure-and-casual-sex general discussion

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6484/another-great-interview-with-ella-dawson-includes-great-info-on-how-she-deals-with-casual-sex

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it thiisgoingtobeok (Casual Sex Successful Disclosure)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3368/my-one-night-wonder Casual sex Willow

 

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night