I am a Walking Valtrex Commercial because I'M LIVING.

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

After my recent diagnosis (3 weeks ago), I haven't felt like "me". Every time I've done something close to "normal" in the past few weeks, I've joked to my friends that I'm a walking Valtrex commercial.

 

(cut to me doing a day hike with friends. Turn to camera: "Just because you're living with herpes, doesn't mean you need to stop living!" cut to me putting on makeup and dancing at a concert. Laughing with friends while we play board games) < PS all of these things are true.

 

But you know why I feel that way? BECAUSE LIFE GOES ON.

 

I'm the only one that knows that "me" has herpes.

 

To everyone else - to all of my friends, coworkers, those cute guys at the bar, and friends of friends that thought I was a "catch" before, THEY STILL THINK I'M A CATCH NOW. To them, nothing has changed because there is no "before" and "after" me, there's just me. I'm the only one that knows something is different!

 

Now, you'd say, "but it IS different. You can't sleep with people willy nilly now." But I wouldn't have slept with the vast majority of them anyways! 99% of interested parties would have never progressed to the point of a date, let alone sex. Sorry, potential Tinder hookups, but the downtown area is closed for business, serious applicants only. And you know what? That's actually, legitimately me. I wasn't planning on living a life full of casual sex post my LTR breakup in May (despite my July 4 fling with a friend), so this is just reinforcing "me."

 

And, for those that *do* eventually get far enough, they'll know how awesomely amazing I am. Because I am still incredible.

 

Am I ready to have sex right now? Hell no. Especially with a recent diagnosis, I don't think I would be comfortable assuring a partner that sex with me is anywhere close to the caveated "safe with some risk." My body is still in an uproar, fighting off this unknown invader and the suppressive medication is doing what it can. But is that a question I should be asking myself now, without a potential partner even on the horizon? Nope.

 

But am I ready to keep living? Yup.

 

So how about we focus on the real questions like:

 

Do I want ice cream for dinner? Yes.

 

Do I want to go to the office happy hour? Sure!

 

How about watching an outdoor concert this weekend? A baller ass picnic in the park, complete with wine and cheese? Swanky cocktails and first date conversation? A random bar makeout? A trip abroad? Late night dancing with friends?

 

YES YES AND HELL YES.

 

Does H stop me from doing any of these things? NO. Maybe physically I'm in a bit of discomfort, emotionally I have peaks and valleys, but I'm still very capable of karaoke, thank you very much.

 

Everything about this experience has taught me to take this one day at a time. And that's hard as hell to do because we all want to jump ahead. But that's not unique to someone with H. "Who will love me now" is a question that we all face, H or no. I'm feeling lonely in bed at night because I'M SINGLE not because I HAVE HERPES.

 

I can't speak for future me, because future me may very well have serious complications with H or have a nasty disclosure that leaves her feeling gutted. But future me could also be hit by a subway train tomorrow. Future me could win the lottery. Future me could be perfectly normal with a few outbreaks here and there and a disclosure that leaves her feeling loved. But I can't worry about future me, just how current me can stay the course and stay positive.

 

We all have a choice: do we live our lives in fear because of what could happen tomorrow? Or live our lives and embrace the now, because who knows what tomorrow brings?

 

We are all afraid of the unknown. The only thing you know is right now.

 

Keep living. Be a Valtrex commercial, dammit.

[Anna01]

LOVE LOVE LOVE AND........LOVE THIS POST!!!! I love this and thank you! We all can be a valtrex commercial haha

[WCSDancer2010]

 

Everything about this experience has taught me to take this one day at a time. And that's hard as hell to do because we all want to jump ahead. But that's not unique to someone with H. "Who will love me now" is a question that we all face, H or no. I'm feeling lonely in bed at night because I'M SINGLE not because I HAVE HERPES.

 

 

Amen Sister!!!!

 

This is beautiful ... LOVE IT!

 

 

[ann122]

this is awesome my friend, thank you I needed this :)

[Kbutterfly]

Omg.. Your attitude is amazing. I can't wait too I am this comfortable with myself again. It just seems so far away.