NothingGoodGetsAway

Maybe I don't know, but isn't the reduction of my OBs just the meds doing their job? Why would I go down in dosage if it's working? (I was on a pace for the first year/year and a half where i was having an OB a month. Last year was the first year I started to pace an OB every two months...) Re: dating and suppression. I might want to still have hookups, or casually date and have sex. In that case, isn't it also my job to protect a person - even someone that I'm not going to date long term - as best I can?

For what it’s worth, I tested positive for a high risk type at age 30, and cursed myself for not getting the vaccine (lost my virginity at age 25, so was almost to the end of insurance covering it. But after having discussions with my Gyno (she’s awesome), we discussed how the new gardasil protects against 9 TYPES of hpv. Sure I had one type already, but why risk getting more?? the shots protect against 90% of warts and almost all of the most common cancer types. I got the shots, I had to pay out of pocket for them -$1k total. It’s worth it to me, I think it’s wortj it to anyone if you asked “cancer or shots”. Also, the sheer mindfuck that would be even benign warts isn’t worth the anxiety and awfulness. If you’re under 26, insurance covers it. Get the vaccine, protect yourself.

Definitely on suppression - 500mg valacyclovir twice a day (1g total) for the past 2.5 years!

Oyyyyy. Just want to vent a little. I’m a 2.5 year vet of ghsv2, and I was getting OBs regularly, once every 2 months or so. But my last OB (minor) was in October, and I kind of forgot what it was like to feel...normal. And yet here I am, just lying on the couch and suddenly I feel a lump with 2-3 tiny blisters. (Side note, where the heck was the prodrome?!) I almost made it to 6 months. I really wanted to make it to be able to say “oh I OB once or twice a year.” I wonder if I’ll ever be that person. Why can’t I be the type without symptoms?? All in all it’s no big deal. I’m single and not sleeping with anyone. But also UGGHH

I disclosed over text - he was talking about how he’s a sexual person ( a strange conversation I must say)! But I took that opportunity to say “ok if we’re going to be honest...I have genital herpes”. He said he figured something was up based on my ok Cupid answers, but that he was totally ok with it. Said he’d dated a girl who had it previously, that he’s definitely been exposed at some point, and that he has cold sores. We hooked up on Saturday (both of us heading south, which has been FOREVER for me). It was great, I’m getting tested tomorrow and should we keep going, we might be getting rid of condoms soon...

Also, did you double check your October results? They never ever check for herpes unless you asked them - I found that out the hard way when my giver and I shared clean lab results only to find that’s neither of us had been tested for herpes (and he’d had hsv2 for years)

Here’s the thing - negative swabs aren’t 100%. If your swab is positive, that’s pretty solid. But a negative swab only means it might have been an old blister that didn’t have enough stuff left to show up on a test. I did an insane (literally, insane) amount of research on oral herpes - so a few things 1- IF what you’re experiencing in the mouth is herpes, that is ONLY a primary case of herpes. Any recurrence would look like normal herpes/cold sores around your mouth. 2 - repeating what was said before - if it is oral hsv2 (which I don’t think it is), it will be a non issue for you So I think I’m a little confused - do you think you had this, and gave it to this guy? Or do you think he gave you this? I honestly believe your throat is a bacterial infection - you said yourself it cleared up with antibiotics - and the spots on your gum are probably canker sores. I honestly have had so much hypochondria about oral hsv2 I really feel like I’m expert level by this point. If you’re worried, get your throat swabbed for hsv2. I nearly guarantee it will come back negative.

Also - was yourself if you would work out with the flu. That’s about what your body is going through! So while moving around and not being stuck if you’re stir crazy, not a bad idea, but your body needs the energy to heal from this just like a cold!

Really give yourself a bit of a break if you can! You could try lifting weights (work the arms) or even focus some stretching and yoga moves. Will help center you and won’t cause a lot of friction. For me, I felt like I needed to “get back to normal” life really fast after my first outbreak. But what that did was put a lot of pressure on me to “get better” and I couldn’t control when I’d be healed. So just be kind to yourself, take it slow, do what feels good. I’m a huge fan of the couch, not because it’s your first outbreak but because it’s freaking 20 degrees where I am!

80% if people already have hsv1...and the shedding for ghsv1 is much lower than for ghsv2! It would be up to you and a partner, but strong chances are your partner already has jab in their mouth (my new interest just told me it’s what he has!)

I haven’t shaved since I got this - I think now I would be ok, I just prefer not to see anybrazor burn that might make me paranoid! Might I suggest a bikini trimmer? I use this (without the guard) https://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-ES246AC-Portable-Adjustable-Settings/dp/B00005JS5C So it’s kinda like look like I shaved 2 days ago. Still close but nothing to make me itch or outbreak! Wouldn’t recommend dental dams - it’s SO RARE to get orally. With a dental dam it would be zero risk orally, but honestly it’s so small wouldn’t even worry about it. If you use condoms, no pills, it’s 2% risk (accumulated over a whole year). So...low. Good luck!

Hi y’all! I’m not an expert (by any means), but I’ve had H for 2.5 years now. My theory is...don’t disclose til it’s time for sex. In any situation, you shouldn’t feel like you’re hiding ANYTHING. On the first couple dates, there’s no reason to share anything that you don’t WANT to share. First dates are all about getting to know the person, their hobbies, their sense of humor, before you go deeper and start to uncover the heavier stuff (he may have depression, you may have anxiety, he might work a lot or have low confidence, you have herpes...these are all normal human things, but none are first few date material). For one night stands if I’m at a bar, and I’m digging a guy I just met, I’ll tell him before we/I get in the cab (oof, I’ve disclosed in the cab before. Not recommended). If I’ve decided I don’t want sex (and just want a make out, I’ll even declare “but I’m not having sex” just to make sure expectations are set), I won’t disclose before heading back. Basically, I don’t want a guy to think that he’s getting sex, only to be faced with a disclosure when he’s at his horniest, in his bed. I’d prefer to give him at least the option of finding someone else at the bar if it’s that big of a deal (I’ve had nearly 100% acceptance here. So that’s a good start I think! Literally only one person has cared but that’s because I didn’t really want to hook up so I didn’t give my best disclosure haha) Your real question was for dating. Again, I’m no expert, but I’ve NEVER disclosed on the first date. It’s too personal, we live in a world where if you don’t like your dates shoes it’s on to the next one. Don’t hand them a reason to say “next”. After all, don’t you wear your best outfit, wear make up, and share the most flattering images on the apps? Give you and him some time to get to know each other. Back to disclosing...I’ve disclosed when it was 4-5 dates and it was just getting obvious that I was avoiding going home with someone. In that case I finally went home with him, but said “before we do, I need to tell you something...” I’ve also made out all night with someone, waking up the next morning and said “there’s a reason why I didn’t go past second base last night...and it’s because I have herpes.” (And this all goes without saying. But NEVER have sex - especially unprotected - without disclosing. Seriously, read some of the sad and worried people that are tearing themselves up the next day.) This weekend, I have a third date with someone. It’s cheating, but I read on his okcupid profile that his answer was “yes” to would you date someone with genital herpes. So I have a good sense he’d say yes (though maybe not a guarantee). I’m going to see how the night goes - if he asks “what was your scariest moment” or “whats your darkest secret” it’s an easy transition. Likely, it’ll be as the night is winding down, and he might ask “will you stay over?” In that moment, it’s my option - “yes, but if it’s alright just to cuddle” (and I won’t disclose) My disclosure speech - this is the long version, use only if he’s asking questions. Otherwise, cut after “I have xxx, risk is xxx” or “yes, but before I do I’d like to tell you something. Remember when we joked about everyone having HPV? Well, I have something that is almost as common - genital herpes. I’ve had it for about 2.5 years, and I’ve come to find that, despite how terrifying it sounds, it’s been really more of a mental annoyance than anything. Do you know anything about herpes?” (Yes/no) “ok. Well, it’s ridiculously common- 1 in 5 women have it, but, it’s also not included in STI panels. That’s how I got it - I was “safe” in that we were both tested before sex, but in my naïveté neither knew you had to ask for a special test” (What does that mean for us/you)? “Well, because I know, I can be safer about it. I am well aware of my body, and haven’t had anything (weeks? Months). That, plus I take valtrex daily, which means the chances are even more reduced. With a condom, valtrex, and me being aware, the chances are 1% if we’d have sex regularly for a whole year. Which means...slim to none” (so what can we do) I can obviously give oral no problem (wink). Also; it just doesn’t like the mouth, so if you’d be comfortable, that’s on the table too. I prefer to have sex with a condom (both until we’re both tested, as well as until we’re more committed). I’m telling you all this not to scare you away but because I want to let you know I care about you. There will be those out there (and some doctors have even told me) not to disclose. But I think that’s unfair. And I’d rather be brave and careful than cowardly and stupid. ...so that’s my speech! Hopefully that helped.

Contracted/diagnosed at 29, on my 4th sexual partner after waiting to lose my V card at 25. Wooo. Currently sitting in a bath, willing my flucanozole to work faster through a yeast infection. So I feel you on the bath part too!

First of all, DEEP BREATH! You don't know that you've passed it on. You also didn't know that you had it. Yes, he'll likely be scared at first, but I wouldn't mention that you weren't feeling well when you had sex. No reason. Your story is true - I heard some crazy rumors last week that my ex has something - herpes - so I went in for the doctor to get tested. He checked my blood, and I have the antibodies. This means I've been carrying it for quite some time, so I know who gave this to me. I am asymptomatic - this means I don't have any traditional signs of herpes, like nearly 80% of people. I never would have put you at risk had I known, and of course I didn't know when we had sex. And, though I get STI tested, they don't include it - even when you ask for everything. For him, his stress window is about 2-14 days. Average person shows symptoms at 4-5. So I would say Day 4 is a good time to tell him, he'll either be nearly in the clear, easing his mind, or he'll say "shit I did think it was an ingrown hair. And don't take any abuse from him. This is so very much not your fault. At all. If he gets mean, walk. If he gets angry, that's understandable. Give him time to cool. What do you mean he'll be so distraught? Is he a highly anxious person?

I'm sorry you're hurting as well, but herpes really can be your wingwoman. You say that you thought there was potential, but he wasn't ready to commit in the same way. He's being selfish, and thinking of himself *after* being with you. Herpes is just a skin rash, and if someone is planning to commit to you, a skin rash is worth it. He would have had the same reaction had you said "hey my place is being fumigated can I stay with you for a few weeks" or "my parents are in town, would you want to get dinner with us?" I had the same rejection recently - a guy I got on with immensely well, he was attractive, smart, and a bit of a nerd like me. He was super into me until I disclosed one night, and he too did his research and concluded he is already a hypochondriac and wouldn't be able to mentally handle the paranoia or fully give himself to be with me. I thought at least it was good he was honest with himself, and with me. In the meantime, next week I'm going on an overseas trip with a man that wants to have sex - without a condom, which I won't do regardless - and he doesn't give a flying fuck about herpes. There's good ones out there!!