New relationship...new diagnoses

[ajw629]

Hi,

 

I'd like to start by saying how grateful I am for this site/all of you for the second-hand encouragent and hope! As a newbie here, you all have been a major blessing to me in the last few days and I can't thank you enough! Especially since WebMD was scaring the absolute sh** out of me ;)

 

I'm Adam. I'm 25 and I found out Wednesday that I have GHSV-1.

 

I recently (within the last month+) started seeing this woman and we both know there's something special there. She is incredible in every way and I truly feel lucky to be getting to know her. The only hiccup is my shiny new diagnoses. We have had sex a few times in the last 2 weeks (before I showed symptoms or had this bomb dropped on me) but she has been my only partner recently. My last partner was over 4 months ago, which leads me to believe she gave it to me when performing oral sex. My symptoms started showing about a week and a half after we last had sex. She has such integrity and maturity, which also leads me to believe that she doesn't know she has H, otherwise I'm sure she would've disclosed before we became physical. I really value this girl and am so hopeful for our relationship, but I'm nervous about disclosing. I had zero idea that I was infected until after we started having sex, so my fear is that she will think I didn't have the courage to tell her sooner. Another fear is that I have already infected her genitally without knowing. I think the biggest fear I have is that if this doesn't go the way I hope, a really good thing will have slipped away from me.

 

Deep down I know that if it's meant to be, it will work out. I also realize that disclosing can be a way to filter people out, leaving only REAL relationships. I'm just incredibly hopeful that this is real.

 

My best friend crashed at my place last night, and I told him the whole story. He was so supportive and completely non-judgmental! It couldn't have gone any better actually. We ended up laughing and having a great time like nothing weird had been said. Herpes wasn't taboo and it gave me a glimpse into what I hope for with this girl...acceptance.

 

Thank you for reading! I know I have some fears that are pretty normal, but I'm working on them. From here my plan is to brainstorm a bit on how to bring this topic up with my partner, and to work on myself. I still have a way to go to fully accept this reality, but your support through comments and posts will help me, I'm confident of that!

 

Thanks again!!

 

[Marie14]

I had a similar situation when I was diagnosed. I started seeing a guy, and two weeks after we had sex I ended up with HSV2. Now I had been tested a few months prior, and I had only two sexual partners after that time. I spoke to the other guy (a great friend of mine, someone I had sex with first), and he told me that he had been tested a few months ago as well. So that left me with one option, the man I was currently seeing. I was soo nervous because I thought he didn't know that he had this. That I would be breaking the news to him like my doctor did to me, and he would be devastated. That didn't happen.

 

He knew that he had the virus, and he chose not to disclose. I say this because anything is possible. I wouldn't assume she knows, but maybe she does. In his case the VA gave him some very terrible information on the virus, so he thought he could only spread it during an outbreak.

 

The conversation is hard. Very hard. But the faster you rip the bandaid off the better. :) I would just tell her you have something to discuss and tell her you just got diagnosed. The more honest, and upfront you are the better. If she doesn't have it she will appreciate that. Best of luck. You will be just fine.

[ajw629]

Thank you Marie! I actually just returned from her place. I wasn't going to bring it up tonight because she had a rough day, but somehow there was a perfect segue...so I went for it.

 

It went waaaaaay better than I expected! I told her I had something important to tell her, and then I did. I didn't ramble or stumble over what to say, I just stated the facts. She was very understanding and wasn't judgmental at all. She obviously had some concerns, but she said she wanted to do more research and get tested, and that "there are worse things in the world." And then she kissed me and thanked me for telling her. I still can't believe that this happened. So much hope!!!

[FirstTimeFrustrated]

@ajw629 your story gives hope to others that are currently waiting to give the same news. Right on bud, good for you and I hope it goes the way you want it!

[ajw629]

Thank you! I needed to hear that.

[WCSDancer2010]

So glad the conversation went well ... I suggest you give her the handouts below and send her the video ... odds are VERY high that she has had cold sores (or at least carries the virus) and that's how you got it.... straight up facts you may want to pass on to her:

 

60% of all young people have oral HSV1 before adulthood ( I got it at age 4)

80% of all adults have oral HSV1

50% of all new genital herpes is HSV1 from oral sex ...

80% of those with herpes (either kind) don't know they have it.

 

Add to that many Dr's telling people they can't spread it without an OB (esp those of us who have had it for a long time, who are going on old information).

 

So odds are very high she just didn't know she has oral HSV1 or didn't know she could pass it on ... and if that's not the case, you were in the 80% who didn't know you were carrying it ...

 

She sounds like she's a good person who isn't easily rattled. Herpes has a way of showing you exactly WHO a person really is. You may well have a winner there..... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[WCSDancer2010]

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

 

 

Herpes facts video

 

[ajw629]

Thank you! Yes, I'm seeing that about her too. I'm sure we will have many more talks about herpes and what it means for us both, and this info will help.

 

I appreciate the support!