Post-Disclosure Support

[sunshinegal]

Hello,

 

I disclosed to the guy I have been seeing 2 nights ago. He took it well and has been fine since. We both are very busy (he's a full-time student in his last year and part-time dad and I work 2 jobs) and haven't seen each other since I disclosed. After I disclosed, he stayed physically present (touch is very powerful to me) and asked questions, mainly about HSV-1 (which I don't have) and how he wouldn't get HSV-2. I told him I was on Valtrex and as long as we used condoms and dental dams, he had a very slim chance of catching it. He said his sister and 2 children had H (I didn't ask which) and then didn't go any further with it. He stayed for 5 more hours, we kissed and made out alot. So it all seems to be very good and he has been in contact with me every since.

 

I am writing this however, buecasue I am not okay. I keep thinking he is going to change his mind and leave. While I logically know that if he does leave, then obviously he isn't for me, it doesn't help. I am worried about him doing research on his own and finding the bad/negative information instead of the scientific ones. I didn't offer any websites or information because we got sidetracked on discussing his family and the guy I received it from. Should I send him links uninvited or just wait for questions to arise?

 

I disclosed rather quickly (2 weeks) into seeing each other but I am not the type of person who can keep a secret about myself from someone I could see a future with. I don't know if I did the right thing. I am hoping that it will all be okay but now I don't know. I am second guessing myself at every turn and creating a lot of stress for myself.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the post-disclosure thoughts?

[2Legit2Quit]

I think you should send him the disclosure pamphlets and the statistic spread sheet on transmission rates. No need for dental James if you have HSV 2, ad only 1-2% of cases of oral herpes is HSV 2. Just doesn't like the mouth. I think along w sharing that and the links to this site to ask any questions. Also add that there is a lot of inaccurate information out there on H and this site works directly w the westicer heights clinic, which is rjn by one of the leading researcher's in herpes.

 

I know it's hard to relax, because I too am a worry wart, but a tatic I have been using and works in me when I'm being negative and obsessing over things, I just say mope, nope, nope to disrupt the thought process of negative thinking and then tell yourself how it's not conducive to have such a negative thought process.. That is usually enough to break it, before it becomes full blown anxiety and will take some time before it happens again and just rinse and repeat.

[Anna01]

I know exactly how you feel. I call it "disclosure remorse" and I think it is completely normal. It's like telling a guy you love him or after you buy something and you just think about it afterwards. It is a bit nerve wrecking BUT like you said if he is meant for you...he will accept it. Try to relax and enjoy the ride. If it works out it does and if it doesn't, it doesn't. What is meant to be will be. I have to tell myself that sometimes. So don't let it stress you out. Be honest about your concerns or your fears. Try to just live and not overthink the situation.

[WCSDancer2010]

@sunshinegal

 

Honey, I'm right there with you ... but it's nothing to do with Herpes .... because even though I just disclosed, my guy is an MD and Naturopath and is totally unphased by the disclosure. But we are having issues with our schedules (he has a huge deadline this month and a conference this weekend... and this was the 1st weekend I've had free in months) .... and he's not the best at communication.

 

I do believe he's just worried about this deadline... but I still find myself feeling very insecure ... I think a lot of it is that stuff that comes up at the beginning of a relationship when you really don't know what is "normal" for them ... reactions, beliefs, habits, etc ... so we question and worry until we find our groove... unfortunately our female brains are especially adept at making this part of a new relationship FAR too complicated... LOL

 

This just came up on my friend's feed... I've seen it before, but I needed the reminder too:

 

“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” ~ Lao Tzu

 

Peace friend ... just wait for the mud to settle :)