Struggling to stay positive

[val]

I had been doing really well with the diagnosis, was even happy for it and how it would help me weed out unworthy people, but lately I have started to feel so worthless. I started talking to a friend with H in the last few months and the friend is really struggling with it which is totally understandable, but I've noticed that the more unhappy they are and the harder I try to be there for them, the more depressed I have become and the more I question my own value and worth. I'm now experiencing my 7th outbreak since my diagnosis in May and I just absolutely hate myself. And worse, I feel guilty because I am struggling so much to keep my head above water that I am struggling to be there for my friend. I just feel like a lesser person who doesn't deserve to be happy or have a normal life anymore. And even if I did feel like I deserved it, that doesn't mean I'll get a normal life. My friend's mom advised me to not tell future partners which also made me feel like I should be ashamed of myself and therefore should just lie to people which in turn just made me feel like I'd rather just become completely closed off to people in general. I don't want to feel this hopeless. I really was doing well and I've just slipped.

[WCSDancer2010]

@val

 

Sounds like you need to distance yourself from your friend for awhile... even better, get them on here and let US deal with them! You need to get yourself back to a good place ... and this person is dragging you down with them. You can't help someone until YOU are healed (as in, emotionally) ... so don't try ... especially if you are being taken down with them....

 

As for your friend's mom ... next time you see her, ask her if she was dating someone and found out later that she was exposed to something.... ANYTHING ... that they knew they could give her, how would she feel? That loss of trust is just not worth the risk. Besides, tell her there's a thing called INTEGRITY ... and I'm sure you have it in spades! You might also want to tell her that 80% of the population has HSV1 orally, 15-20% genitally, and 80% of both populations don't know they have it.... and perhaps she may want to get tested herself ;)

 

You sound like you are slipping into a depression ... so my suggestion is that you get professional help ... because the feelings of unworthiness were likely already there and H just helped to dredge them up.... so you need to work on WHY you feel that way, because I doubt very much that Herpes has much to do with it ... it just gave you the excuse to believe it now.

 

@Adrial is a GREAT coach around these things ... he does online coaching sessions, or you can get the Lifestyle Guides and use my code PAM to take 25% off... https://herpesopportunity.com/guides.php ... they are a fantastic source and of course once you have them you can turn to them whenever things start to get to you :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[StillMeButWiser]

I believe if any one of us had 7 outbreaks since May we would feel the same way. Does wear on you mentally. Are you on suppressive meds? If not, it can certainly help your body out till it gets a handle on the virus.

 

Very selfless of you to help your friend. Sometimes in order to help others better we need to step back and check in with ourselves first. It's ok. Do what you need to do. Even though you felt to be in a good spot, as a newbie, subconsciously you are still processing and coming to peace. Maybe tell your friend, you want to be there for her (him) 100% but at the moment you are overwhelmed and need to step back. Doesn't mean you won't be there, just not 100% or maybe set a limit. For instance instead of spending the hour conversation talking about herpes or the topic which is draining you, spend two minutes then move on. Doing so may actually help her (him) with the same token.

 

Everyone who has this unwanted Harry Herp deserves the best quality, normal life like everyone else. Just because we were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean we are a bad person. Choice had nothing to do with it. If it did no one would have herpes. So don't allow a few bad days take you down. All these feelings are normal and part healing journey.

 

We are here for you.

[val]

I think my friend and I are going to distance ourselves for now and suddenly I am so sad about it. I understand that we were no longer helping each other. I really wasn't helping my friend anymore and in turn that made me feel guilty, but now that we've decided to have space, I'm overwhelmed with realizing how much I have lost because of this. I have no will to go and be my social self any longer. As for my other friends mom, she actually has hsv2 which is why I talked to her about it, as does her daughter so it's beyond me how she can think that it's ok not to disclose. I went on suppressive meds after the 6th outbreak, this is the first ob I've had since I went on the suppressive meds.

 

As for the depression, I've had it since I was 12 and I have a therapist and I'm on antidepressants. Actually, when I was diagnosed with H, I found out that my therapist also had H and it was transmitted similarly to how I got it. She has given me quite a bit of hope as she is married with two kids. I'm just tired and it's so unfair how an ob hits when you are stressed out because it's usually the last thing you need to top the stress cake.