How the heck do I build up the courage to go out on dates?

[ferndorf]

I guess that is the general question. I was diagnosed over a year ago and was give the gift by my now ex-girlfriend. We recently broke up and I'm now faced with the prospect of dating. At this point, I've come to terms with having H. Even now when I have outbreaks it's not that bad. But disclosing it just gives me great pause. Why do I say "great pause" because its one part fear of rejection, one part fear judgement, one part fear that person telling other people, and one part lack of courage - which I think is different than fear. I've tried the PS dating site but alas it's not quite as teeming with options. I've read a bunch of different stories but I'd love some advice/support ... etc.

 

Thanks!

Dave

[2Legit2Quit]

Although I've only ever disclosed once, the times I was dating I was getting myself all worked up like you were and it was making me self sabotage them for this very reason. Eventually I learned though that I was running things before they got started and also at other times, after a bit I realized this person wasn't someone I wanted and I wasted all that time stressing when I was never even close to disclosing yet. It was a waste you have to remind yourself that just because you have herpes now, doesn't mean now that you're the only person between the two that has to sell themselves to this other person and that they are selling themselves too. Just remember, they have to convince you as well they are worthy of you. Just realized that herpes shouldn't be in the equation until you see yourself w someone.

 

I hope that made since cause I'm really not sure right now, as I've got a buzz going. , I hope I said something meaningful... Guess I'll know tomorrow... Lol

[hippyherpy]

Be a man and just do it. Will power. Learn to face your fear. There will be rejection. Dilute the power of any single rejection by talking to lots of girls- there's always plenty more fish in the sea. Don't give a fuck about getting rejected. If you are getting anxiety around a girl that's a good sign that you should talk to her. Life is short- you don't want to be an old man on his deathbed thinking back and wishing you had more romantic or sexual interaction with women.

[whitedaisies]

I am having the same nerves. I have only disclosed to fwb and so its so much different than disclosing to someone that tou are trying to build sthng with. Just went on plenty of fish and set up a profile. And now I am petrified.

[hippyherpy]

Also make the date something that isn't just but about the end goal of having sex. You have to enjoy how you spend your time and sex is just the icing on the cake. If you are constantly just focusing on sex and how you are going to disclose, then there's a good chance that she will in fact think that's all you want from her and might not sleep with you for that reason instead of herpes.

 

I'm not saying to not be mindful of what's happening when you meet a girl, but you can't let thoughts of sex or sexual rejection hijack your life and how you spend time with someone. I guarantee that if you are enjoying your time she is more likely feel comfortable around you and sense your confidence.

 

Confidence comes from having a sense of coolnes about the outcome of a particular situation.

[2Legit2Quit]

Well said @hippyherpy , couldn't agree more!

[ferndorf]

Thanks to @2legit2Quit and @hippyherpy. Sound advice, great support.

[2Legit2Quit]

We're here to support you, always and forever!